Tuesday, August 10, 2010

stop the madness!

sure, i could just post this link (brought to us by dominic m) and have everyone make of it what they will, but this issue strikes me as being of too urgent a nature to be left without commentary.

so i'm going to say this and i'd like everyone to pay close attention : TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS.

i swear to cthulu, if i have to stare at one more panty line or estimate the depth of one more person's butt crack on the metro, i'm going to go postal. i'm not a fan of mass fashion as a rule, but after withstanding years of baggy pants, belly shirts, the resurgence of bell-bottoms, lumberjack shirts (yes, i was alive in the 90s) and any number of other atrocities, i have to draw a line in the spandex.

it's not merely the fact that i am routinely forced to count pubic hairs on the people around me. nor is it the fact that people of all shapes and sizes insist on wearing these things. to me, what is most infuriating about this is the fact that it's held up as fashion at all. really, wearing tights as pants is about as fashionable as wearing sweat pants. they're something that you put on because you don't want to face the "demands" of regular clothing. in this case, however, the message is clearly that you are aiming for total comfort while still encouraging people to look at your arse. the fact that it accomplishes both aims does not make it fashionable.

one might argue that "fashion" is a sort of high-brow, outmoded term anyway, but perhaps i can explain my thoughts on it by way of a personal definition. to me, the way one dresses and presents oneself makes a statement about how one perceives oneself. dressing in very obviously in expensive clothing gives the impression that one wants to be seen as wealthy. dressing in very skimpy, sexy clothing gives the impression that one wants to be seen as a sex object (which is why prostitutes dress provocatively). dressing in stretchy jersey says that one is not really interested and takes no pride in one's appearance. make the jersey skin tight and the message becomes "i don't care what i look like, but i want you to notice me anyway". not exactly the kind of personality type we look for in friends, lovers or relationships.

this is really an over-complication of my essential problem : no matter how taut and trim your body, i don't want to be able to see details that should normally be reserved for your gynecologist. yes, the infestation has gotten worse and everyone in line with you at the grocery store knows it. now please, for the love of god, put on some pants. or at least a long top.