Lingerie exhibitionism at Shag

I can’t lie – I like getting my photo taken. And I really, really like how these photos came out. They’re good for me at a time when I am not that into various aspects of my body and am trying to figure out, aside from diet and exercise, what to do about that. Ditch my sneakers and wear heels during the day? Glam up my non-makeup look? Or just accept that real life is not going to be like being pampered at a photo shoot?

I bought a skirt the other day at The Gap and I hate trying things on first, so I didn’t. I bought it cause I’d been walking all over in my new favorite dress and didn’t feel like wearing it the next day and didn’t have time to go home and change. I was worried it wasn’t going to fit and when I first put it on, it was really snug. It’s a size 8 which is often, but not always my size. And then I realized it’s not that it didn’t fit, it’s just snug. Or, um, bootylicious. And I wore it to walk all over Queens and was very happy with how it fit. Not too tight or too loose, not trying to make my body look some way that it’s not, just me, and my ass, in a black skirt.

For me, it's not just body image that's such an up-and-down roller coaster, it's, well, image. Confidence. Self-esteem. If I feel like my life in general is going well, and often by "life" I mean writing/money/apartment, I'm confident. If they're not, I'm not. And I think part of why last year there was that giant disconnect between my love life and the rest of my life is that so much was falling apart and I was looking for romantic attachments in all the wrong places to the exclusive of just living that roller coaster and accepting it. I wanted to either drag whoever I was into on the roller coaster with me or presume that they had the power to control it. It's not like that. I mean, it's great if, say, my boyfriend thinks I look good. That pleases me but it doesn't automatically mean I think that. We're separate people and I think the same thing applies to the rest of my life too. I want to be someone who can take constructive criticism, even though I'm not that great at it, but I also know that I'm stubborn and willful (and that those are pretty much synonyms) and have to figure a lot of stuff out for myself, often taking the long, twisted, meandering way.

I'm guilty of the same thing in reverse. I was/am dealing with such ridiculously over-the-top jealousy issues in part because it's much easier to imbue someone else with all the qualities you wish you had than to figure out how to embody those qualities yourself. The latter is much harder. But it is, ultimately, not only the more honest way to live but the more rewarding. I was so stuck in these horrible patterns of thinking and acting and it's not like they disappear overnight. I'm not just some magical new and improved RKB 2.0 just like that. But I am striving to be someone better than I was, someone not more cynical or bitter or anything along those lines, but someone still open, with all the risks that entails. I'm starting to see that everything involves risks of some kind and sometimes the result is you crash and burn...and pick yourself back up again. And that's what I hope I'm doing, in my own slow, stubborn way. And some of the risks pay off with really fucking brilliant odds.

Anyway, these photos also reminded me that somewhere in my scattered belongings I have the black nightie I’m wearing here from Sweet Paine! It felt incredible. I think part of why I and apparently some of you like these photos is that I felt amazing when they were being taken. The makeup artist did an amazing job, as did photographers Constance and Eric, and wearing Sweet Paine’s sexy lingerie made me feel slinky and sexy and glamorous. So…here are some of my favorites. Shot at Shag, where you can buy my books, Ellen Stagg's gorgeous photos, skull panties, a tissue holder shaped like a female butt, butterfly pasties and so much more.











And my very favorite...

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

4/12/11: I just updated these tips, originally posted 12/24/10 in response to my 10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty, which was aimed at couples. We’re not all in sexual relationships, and self-pleasuring is so important at our age! Here are some tips for enjoying hot SOLO senior sex.  

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

By Joan Price

Senior sex isn't just partner sex. Many of us don't have partners, yet keeping our sexual selves vibrant and health is crucial for many reasons. It's true that if we don't use it, we lose it -- and that's true for both women and men.

When we have less hormonal rush to stay sexual, especially if we're without a partner and maybe blue about that, we can fall into a pattern where we don't think as much about sexual pleasure, and we don't give it to ourselves. Arousal and orgasms may feel second-rate and inconsequential, and sometimes just too much trouble.

Instead, let's see our marvelous bodies as still capable of pleasure, and let's nurture that. We have the capacity -- and the responsibility! -- to keep ourselves fully functioning by pleasuring ourselves, discovering what feels good (it may have changed, so don't assume that of course you know) and what it takes to make our brains and body parts sing. Let's celebrate that we don't have to close down just because we're older and partnerless. Indeed, let's enjoy what we can offer ourselves.

Here are some tips for bringing the sizzle back to your sex life -- on your own!

1. Plan for solo sex. At this time of life, we need slow arousal and gradual build-up. So set aside enough private time to enjoy the journey without rushing. Set up whatever you need for comfort, such as special pillows. Shut off distractions like phone and computer, lock the door, and settle in for pleasure.

2. Enjoy solo sex during high energy times. When do you feel most sexually charged? When you first wake up? After morning coffee and a good poop? Mid-afternoon? That’s when to indulge in a solitary romp, rather than after a meal when you’re digesting or at night when your sensations are shutting down. When you feel the tingle, indulge it!

3. Create your own foreplay. Do sexy things that get you in the mood. Remember hot times with a special lover. Read erotica, play special songs, watch porn (or, if you prefer, a movie with a star who always turns you on), write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a waterproof vibrator into the bath or shower -- whatever starts your path to arousal. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your body with lingerie, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever feels good and puts you in the mood.

4. Use a silky lubricant. Don’t just settle for the drugstore variety -- there are many different varieties of lubricants for moisture and slickness that feel great and bring back the joy of friction, whether we’re using our hands or a toy. Experiment to find your favorites. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently.

5. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. Women: try a clitoral vibrator, with or without a dildo, depending whether you like the feeling of a full vagina. (Read the many vibrator reviews on this blog to help you choose.) Men: try a sleeve, cock ring, or prostate stimulator. Lucky for us that sex toys for both genders are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

6. Fantasize. Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners, no limits. Let your brain (your main sex organ!) indulge in whatever arouses you. Be open to whatever comes into your mind, even if it is something you would not do in real life or with someone you consider off limits. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on. Just go with it.

7. Be physical in daily life. Walking, biking, dancing, yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, and other forms of exercise all enhance blood flow and get you in touch with your own physicality. This translates to your sexual arousal because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. Plus you mentally feel “in your body.”

8. Realize that your solo practice not only gives you pleasure, it’s important for health. Experts recommend at least one orgasm a week for both men and women for genital health and for heart health as well. Weekly orgasms keep the pelvic floor strong and the nerves firing, boost the immune system, and reduce the risk of incontinence, depression, and heart disease. Men – regular orgasms are important for prostate health.

9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway. It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once we’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread tips #1-8, and just do it. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen, that that will trigger your emotional arousal, and that triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

10. Don’t think of solo sex as “settling for” a substitute for partner sex. You’re celebrating your own sexuality, glorying in your body’s capability of pleasing you, and enjoying the journey. This is a gift you can give yourself whenever you want, and isn’t that wonderful?

(These tips are copyright 2010-2011 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)

Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty is available from www.joanprice.com (personally autographed) or from Amazon.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...

Or order from Amazon here.

Glamour time!

I'm so excited that these came out so well...I had so much fun getting my makeup done (fake eyelashes=true love!) and slipping into the slinky, sexy lingerie of Sweet Paine and vamping it up at Shag for photography team Constance and Eric. I think one of the best parts was that afterward Constance and Eric emailed me and were like, "We didn't know you were you." They paid me a compliment on one of my stories that they remembered which was super touching. Love the small worldness and how they worked; I've never been shot by two people in that way (trading off the camera) and it was cool to get to spy on them a little. Not spy, exactly, but when I didn't have to be totally "on" and posing I was observing them, as I tend to do. I also learned that fake eyelashes rock my world. I hope I have a chance to wear them again for something glamorous (and someone to put them on me!).

My column next week at SexIs is about why I've taken the rest of the year until I turn 36 on November 10th off from sex and dating, and I'm still exploring and thinking about that decision and why it was so crucial right now. One thing I'm trying to retain during this time is a sense of playfulness, eroticism and sexiness that has nothing to do with being physically intimate with someone else in a sexual way. The only people seeing me naked are doctors, waxers and masseuses and yet...when I took these photos I felt hot. Glamorous. Beautiful. All those things I was vainly looking for from relationships that were never in a million years going to give them to me. So I'm grateful that this opportunity came my way and I was able to live up to it. I had a blast and will hopefully be doing another shoot down the road.

False eyelashes, real sex kitten charm

I've discovered that it's really challenging to take a good self-portrait, even with that cool camera-turning-around function on the iPhone. So I will just say that as I sit at Starbucks, I'm still rocking my false eyelashes and glam makeup. And very excited about the sexy lingerie I modeled today at Shag - I loved it so much I purchased it. It's by Sweet Paine and soon there will be lots of photos for you to ogle.

I had thought I wasn't up for it. I thought I was recovering from my trip, I thought and still think I need to lose a good 25 pounds. I ran around in the rain buying up a ton of lingerie at Victoria's Secret, wondering how I'd look, and then an hour in hair and makeup and I felt totally hot. That is also a function of the photography team taking the photos, who not only were full of compliments, but switched off the camera to each other. I sipped champagne, tossed my tall hair around, crawled, arched my back against a pink brick wall, licked my lips, fluttered my lashes, stuck out my ass, bit my lip, held onto my gold champagne glass heel, and much more. I had so much fun and it reminded me that lingerie isn't just for lovers.

These days, I don't have anyone to share lingerie with, mostly by choice, or by choice/circumstance. I could definitely find someone to share it with, but I feel like I finally grew up, all in a very short time period, when it comes to standing up for what I want. Maybe it took hanging around couples who actually are so happy together they made me think that might be possible, even for me, and that settling for anything less, despite what Lori Gottlieb says, is not what I want.

But that feeling of invincibility, for lack of a better word, was so wonderful. I love that this single piece of clothing wrapped around all 150 or so pounds of me and made me feel beautiful. It made me want to show off for the camera, and just for the camera. I have to wean myself off of trying to get that attention in ways that are unhealthy. I started to slip down that rabbit hole recently and I could see myself caring way too much about someone who isn't into me like that, and I am starting to take care of all the things I need to in order to look at myself in the mirror and want to wow that girl as much as I wanted to wow that camera. That's a loooooong process, and I can't be all glammed out like this every day, but I want to try to retain that feeling for as long as I can.



A funny aside - because I had these crazy eyelashes and eye makeup, I decided to skip the glasses during the photo shoot. After I got dressed and put them on, one of the photographers, Eric, was like, "You wear glasses?" He seemed really disappointed that I hadn't worn them during the shoot. That made me laugh. "I wear them all the time," I said. Therefore, to me, they are boring, everyday. I guess it depends how you look at it. So I'll include this one of me from the not-glam-at-all Starbucks I'm working in.




shoe porn (none of these are mine, by the way)


colorful rope and handcuffs

And some snaps from Shag, where I highly recommend you get your Valentine's Day cards if you find yourself in Williamsburg. I just may buy some of these (okay, the first one) for next year!








And a fabulous Do Not Disturb sign - of particular interest to me!

In a word: HOT

Lingerie by Forrest & Bob via Fashionising - click through for lots more photos, and some bare breasts.

Older women wear lingerie

7/8/2011 update: I apologize if you tried to click through to HerRoom in the past few days and got a dead link. It's been fixed.

"I'm photographing real women in lingerie," Ruth Lefkowitz of Ruthy's Real Meals told me. "Would you be willing to model?"

Wow. A "real woman" I am, all 65 years of me, and I do love lingerie, but I've only worn it for intimate hours, not a photography session.

I'm not shy, I just don't think my 65-year-old body looks as good as it used to. But whose does? And if you can't do something new and outrageous as an older person, when can you do it? "Sure, Ruth!" I said. "And if I love the experience, I'll blog about it."

I loved the experience.

The wonderful people at HerRoom were happy to provide some lovely garments and were enthusiastic about a woman my age modeling them.

We met in a garage converted (roughly) into a photography studio. Ruth made me feel comfortable with her relaxed, matter-of-fact approach to posing me and complimenting me. We had many giggles, too.

Ruth was exuberant about what she called my "curves," and when I expressed alarm that the sags, folds, and puckers would come to light, she reassured me that she was there to capture the beauty in real women.

By golly, I think she did it.

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Photos by Ruth Lefkowitz. If you live in or near Santa Rosa, CA, and would like to be photographed by Ruth, please email me and I'll put you in touch.

Lingerie provided by HerRoom Lingerie We Buy For Ourselves