Is Technology ruining your Relationship?

Avoid Gadget Overload

• Posted on Jul 21, 2011 12:08 PM by Jessica Padykula

Technology is part of life. We all use laptops and smartphones as if they were attached to our bodies, but how is this addiction to technology affecting our love lives? Well, according to TiVo's recent Turn on the Love survey, television and technology can actually be used to improve relationships – with some ground rules, of course. We're here to share some tips on finding a balance between tech time and love time.

Continue reading this article....

Peace, Lovin, Swipes!

Is Technology ruining your Relationship?

Avoid Gadget Overload

• Posted on Jul 21, 2011 12:08 PM by Jessica Padykula

Technology is part of life. We all use laptops and smartphones as if they were attached to our bodies, but how is this addiction to technology affecting our love lives? Well, according to TiVo's recent Turn on the Love survey, television and technology can actually be used to improve relationships – with some ground rules, of course. We're here to share some tips on finding a balance between tech time and love time.

Continue reading this article....

Peace, Lovin, Swipes!

Message of the day

Via Danielle LaPorte, whose cards I'm very excited to start sending out. In other news, I got a Nook! I'm excited to start reading with it and my first purchase was Caryn Rose's novel B-Sides and Broken Hearts (only $4.99!).

lemme show ya what ya missin, paradise

The destinations of our 2013 cruise on the brand spanking new Carnival Breeze to the southern Caribbean…

#1…Grand Turk

#2…La Romana, Dominican Republic

#3…Curacao

#4…Aruba

Are you excited? I certainly am…All these beautiful places and I get to go to them!!!

lemme show ya what ya missin, paradise

Ariba Aruba

So today I went on a safari type thing. No, it wasn’t a safari where you see giraffes, rhinos, and things like that. I will tell you about it, so simmer down.

This morning I woke up ~6:45. I went to breakfast. I exchanged my used towel for a new one. I took a bus to the touring place.

I ARRIVED. Everyone cheered [in my mind].

Then we departed on a jeep safari deal. I actually had in my mind that we were going to see ancient caves and a natural pool, but that’s not what went down.

We went off-roading to see the California Lighthouse, Aruba’s only lighthouse. It was built shortly after the last ship sunk on the coast of Aruba. You see, what had happened was…

Once upon a time in Aruba, there was no lighthouse, so apparently it was kind of hard to see this 19.6 mile long, 6.1 mile wide island. A ship was approaching… the sailors were getting furked up and totally DIDN’T SEE THE ISLAND COMING, so they crashed into it and sank their ship. After that the Arubans said, “Damn, we should build a lighthouse and name it after the sunken ship, The California. And then hundreds of years later an almighty fool by the name of Kates will come see it and all will be well.”

So then we continued this off-roading adventure to the next stop, the Catholic Church called Alto Vista. It was a tiny ass lil thing, but it was the first church on the island. They were selling souvenirs outside of it, obviously, and I bought a bracelet similar to one I purchased while in Rome but ultimately broke/lost. 

Then we jumped back in the jeep and off-roaded to see a natural bridge! It was very nice. It was called Baby Bridge, which was pretty cute. I stood on the rocks surrounding it, and waves splashed upon my face and dirtied up my sunglasses. It was a beautiful moment.

Then we continued to the natural pool. This off-roading was intense! It was really fun though. I liked this off-roading part better than actually going to the natural pool. Once we arrived, we had to hike down 85 steps. It was not that bad. We put on our snorkeling masks and water shoes. I was super grossed out by this ‘natural pool’. There were a ton of creepo fish in it. There were also crabs all over the rocks. As I was snorkeling around, something got in one of my eyes and my contact became extremely irritated. I thought I was going to lose it.

BUT I DIDN’T. Happy to have a reason to leave the natural pool, I jumped out and went to pour fresh water on my contact. I put it back in my eye. All was well. I wandered around by myself for a bit. I pretended I was a captain. No one saw.

Then we headed back to the tour center or whatever you want to call it and took a bus back to the resort. That was the end of our adventure today.

It's hump day...take that literally.

Being Sexy and Green is sometimes a hard feat, but they both should be incorporated into your daily life.  Some may think it’s easier to be green than to be sexy! Psh posh…follow our tips and you can balance both!

In the spirit of Hump day maybe tonight take it literally! You work hard, you deserve it!

Here are 6 sexy tips to bring Sexy back into your life!(source:sheknows.com)

1. Reclaim your sex life with a sexy goal. Extend foreplay, try a minimum of three new sex positions a month, try a new location—whatever! But having a goal can app up your sexual appetite. And rekindle those flames between you and your partner.
2. De-clutter your bedroom.It’s hard to feel sexy in a dirty/cluttered room. So tidy up and put your stuff away. Create a sexier vibe with high-quality sheets and maybe incorporate candles in your decor that way they are already for whenever your ready to set the mood!
3. Good Morning!-Nothing starts your day off better than getting some in the AM! But the end of the day you’re more likely to be exhausted so the first thing to go is sex. But set your alarm a little earlier and do it then or maybe come home for lunch. Anytime is a good time.
4. Wear something cute to bed—we’re all guilty of it—-you know, when we become comfortbale and start wearing the baggy t-shirts, sweats, or socks to bed. There is nothing wrong with that but from time to time switch up the routine. When you feel sexy you’re more likely to get in the mood and your partner will be too!
5. Leave the bedroom!- I know I told you to de-clutter your room, which is important but you also want to get out sometimes. Trying new spots (i.e table, chairs, counters, couches etc)…will create excitement, maybe make you feel a little naughty which is great for arousal! Who knows, maybe you’ll find an even better spot!
6. Never forget to use your Swipes Lovin Wipes!!!! Freshening up before and cleaning up after intimate moments is always important! It’s the easiest way to stay sexy and green!

Happy “Hump” Day everyone!

Peace, Lovin, Swipes!

It's hump day...take that literally.

Being Sexy and Green is sometimes a hard feat, but they both should be incorporated into your daily life.  Some may think it’s easier to be green than to be sexy! Psh posh…follow our tips and you can balance both!

In the spirit of Hump day maybe tonight take it literally! You work hard, you deserve it!

Here are 6 sexy tips to bring Sexy back into your life!(source:sheknows.com)

1. Reclaim your sex life with a sexy goal. Extend foreplay, try a minimum of three new sex positions a month, try a new location—whatever! But having a goal can app up your sexual appetite. And rekindle those flames between you and your partner.
2. De-clutter your bedroom.It’s hard to feel sexy in a dirty/cluttered room. So tidy up and put your stuff away. Create a sexier vibe with high-quality sheets and maybe incorporate candles in your decor that way they are already for whenever your ready to set the mood!
3. Good Morning!-Nothing starts your day off better than getting some in the AM! But the end of the day you’re more likely to be exhausted so the first thing to go is sex. But set your alarm a little earlier and do it then or maybe come home for lunch. Anytime is a good time.
4. Wear something cute to bed—we’re all guilty of it—-you know, when we become comfortbale and start wearing the baggy t-shirts, sweats, or socks to bed. There is nothing wrong with that but from time to time switch up the routine. When you feel sexy you’re more likely to get in the mood and your partner will be too!
5. Leave the bedroom!- I know I told you to de-clutter your room, which is important but you also want to get out sometimes. Trying new spots (i.e table, chairs, counters, couches etc)…will create excitement, maybe make you feel a little naughty which is great for arousal! Who knows, maybe you’ll find an even better spot!
6. Never forget to use your Swipes Lovin Wipes!!!! Freshening up before and cleaning up after intimate moments is always important! It’s the easiest way to stay sexy and green!

Happy “Hump” Day everyone!

Peace, Lovin, Swipes!

Coi loco #21: "Semper warda e miho parti pa ultimo"

Aruba! Well, at 6am.

untitled by ????? on Flickr.

Unless bo ta dispuesto riska perde e miho cosnan den bida, e no ta cumbinibo pa laga e miho cosnan pa ultimo. Tin cos bon cu bo tin cu tuma ora bo por paso tin un chance grandi cu no ta bai tin un “mas laat”.

“warda e miho parti pa ultimo” ta algo cu ta wordo hopi bisa ora di papia di cuminda. Nan ta bisa “Warda e cuminda di mas dushi riba bo plato pa ultimo, ja bo ta come cu mas smaak”

Den bida tin hopi cosnan cu nos no sa, un di nan ta futuro. Hende sa lubida esaki. Imaginabo bo cuminsa come un barbecue platter for di un foambox. Bo ta cuminsa come e salada, sigui pa e corn on the cob, despues paar di batata y diripiente un biento ta bin bula full bo tayo y bo ribs riba vloer, net pa bo cacho pasa coi nan di biaha. Y, no tin mas barbecue. Y, ta diadomingo anochi. Y, no tin nada habri…y si tin mes bon tin auto ni telefon. ehm…si, kiko awo?

Puntra bo mes. Warda e miho pakiko? Warda e miho pa ken? pa bo mes? Coi loco e cos ey. Djies bisa. 

God Knows. And will Watch over us. Even through the end.

God Knows. And will Watch over us. Even through the end. 

I swear this is a watch advertisment, but still very...

I swear this is a watch advertisment, but still very beautiful.

Hugging naked. ?

my favorite watch

my favorite watch

Communion

It's no surprise that many churches today fail to acknowledge the deep significance of Communion, Eucharist of the Lord's Supper.  Rather than the observance being the center of worship, it is typically tacked on to the end of a normal service.  We quickly go through the motions with a somewhat fast food mentality, complete with plastic cups and prepackaged wafers.  Doesn't exactly resemble a meal, or memorial for that matter.  Whether observed every Sunday, once and month or every quarter, most Christian Churches incorporate Communion as part of their community of faith.  

Well, today is Holy Thursday, also called Maundy Thursday.  If you didn't grow up in one of the liturgical churches, you've probably never heard of this celebration.  It has several traditionally rich aspects, but the most significant is the commemoration of the the Last Supper that Jesus Christ celebrated with His disciples, the night before He was crucified on Good Friday.  While Palm Sunday and Easter focus on the more joyful aspects of the Lenten Season, Holy Thursday, as well as Good Friday and Ash Wednesday, commemorate the more solemn and reflective acts of Christ and traditions of this season.  Although these celebrations are more somber, they remain just as powerful and meaningful to the Christian faith.

The name “Maundy Thursday” comes from a Latin word "mandatum" which means “commandment.”  If you're familiar with John's Gospel, you'll recognize that the essential commandment in Jesus’ message is found in the story of the Last Supper, when He humbles Himself and washes the feet of his apostles just before the traditional Passover meal.  Afterward, He commands his friends to “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34).  In some churches and traditions, the observance of this commandment, the act of feet-washing, is often performed by pastoral ministers as part of Holy Thursday service.

The Last Supper story, which developed to become the Eucharist, Holy Communion or the Lord's Supper, is described in all three of the synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark & Luke), and expounded on in Paul’s letter to the Corinthians.  Christians commemorate the Last Supper by sharing communion to commemorate the sacrificial death that Christ would eventually make on Good Friday.  While different denominations may maintain different specific interpretations of this tradition, many incorporate a special communion into the Maundy Thursday liturgy.

It's believed that the Last Supper was a Passover meal and that has had a strong influence on the way that many Christians mark Maundy Thursday, and observe communion in general.  It is not uncommon for smaller groups or entire congregations to celebrate the occasion with a traditional Passover Seder instead of or in addition to church services and communion. The Maundy Thursday Seder has been used by many as an occasion to remember and celebrate the origins of Christianity in Judaism and the strong ties that the two religions maintain.

As with me and my family, you may be observing Holy Thursday this evening.  If not, let me encourage you to just spend some time reflecting on these events that took place over 2000 years ago.  Remember the importance of the Last Supper, reminding us of Christ's body that was broken and His blood that was shed.  Meditate on the humility He urges us to emulate as He washed the dirty feet of His disciples.  And remember the command that we often conveniently forget, "Love one another."

Hear Suzanne Vega perform Carson McCullers Talks About Love to benefit Girls Write Now

Very cool benefit - I'll be there! Get tickets here.

In 1936, 19-year-old Carson McCullers published Wunderkind, an autobiographical piece depicting the insecurity of a teenage girl. McCullers went on to write such acclaimed works as The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, The Member of the Wedding and The Ballad of the Sad Café. At Girls Write Now, at-risk high school girls (not much younger than Carson McCullers when she wrote Wunderkind use writing to explore their own adolescent experiences. With mentors by their sides, they are set on a path towards college, and their promising futures beyond.

In Carson McCullers Talks About Love, a new work written and performed by Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter Suzanne Vega, the iconic Carson McCullers reminisces about her life, her loves and her art. Seamlessly moving from spoken word to song and back again, the show features 16 original songs written by Ms. Vega in collaboration with Duncan Sheik, Tony Award-winner for Spring Awakening.

Girls Write Now is the first organization in the United States to combine mentoring and writing instruction within the context of all-girls programming. Since 1998, they have provided a safe and supportive environment for more than 3,500 at-risk girls to expand their natural writing talents, develop independent creative voices, and build confidence in making healthy choices in school, career, and life. 100% of GWN’s seniors graduate and move on to college – bringing with them awards, scholarships, a new sense of confidence and new skills.

Lost Love and Feminism

Actually two totally separate pieces, but they both went up today. I highly recommend you check out the entire Lost Love issue of Lost Magazine - all our pieces are linked from the cracks in the broken heart! Original art illustrates all our pieces as well.

My short essay for them is called "You." Certainly not the most imaginative title there, or my best work, but it's raw and real and, well, I wrote it.

I posted this last week but it took Huffington Post a while to get it up, it was inspired by Kate Betts' new book Everyday Icon: Michelle Obama and the Power of Style, which I actually liked, except for the part where everything was "post-feminist," hence my piece: "'Post-Feminist:' Why Ubiquitous Use of the Term is an Insult to Feminism"

More essays coming this week about jealousy, interracial dating, dermatology and anthology editing, cause I'm versatile like that! Also working on what I'm calling a "mini memoir" plus lots of fiction. The whole not dating thing, plus setting aside Friday nights and much of my weekends for writing, has made me a wee bit more productive.

Danny and Annie, "a beautiful song from a busted old radio"

"Listen, if we're going anywhere, we're going down the aisle, because I'm too tired, too sick, and too sore to do any other damn thing," Danny told Annie 27 years ago.

I love this story from StoryCorps. Danny and Annie are narrating their love story, and they sound just as romantic now as in the first bloom of their relationship. "It's like hearing a beautiful song from a busted old radio," Danny tells Annie about why he tells her he loves her every day. "Thanks for keeping the old radio around."

Listen to the whole 5:50 minutes -- but be prepared to cry half way through when you hear about Danny's illness, and at the end, when you read the final note on the video. I did.

As I've learned personally, when we love each other at our age, part of that loving is facing and accepting that one of us will lose the other. That's a strong reason for embracing each other as closely and lovingly as we can, while we can.

Thank you, AARP Blog for posting this video, and to StoryCorps for recording it.  I've listened to it three times in a row now -- let me know how you react to it.



Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50

Carol Denker had been a middle-class wife, mother and therapist, who lost herself in her forties, becoming addicted to tranquilizers, unemployed, and, finally, homeless. In her fifties she faced her demons and turned around her life: she got clean, worked as a reporter and then editor, and bought a home.

Then at 62, she met Warren, the love of her life.  Now she celebrates elder love with her gorgeous book,  Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50.

Autumn Romance was a labor of love for Carol, who traveled for three years interviewing and photographing 29 senior couples whose lives had been transformed by love, then writing their stories.

Some met when they were young, lost each other, and reunited. Most didn't meet until later life. Some were married to other people when they met, others had been alone for years. They met in all sorts of ways -- speed dating, at work, volunteering, online dating, on an airplane, in a class, line dancing.

Yes, line dancing. Two couples met this way -- Robert and I were one of those couples. I'd love this book just as much if Robert and I weren't in it, but seeing our photos and our quotes makes the book even more special. 

Autumn Romance is a hardcover, coffee-table quality book that you'll be proud to leave on display. The photos by 16 photographers (including Robert's son, Mitch Rice, who took our photos) highlight the diversity and glowing love of elder couples. See some of them here. It would make a beautiful Valentine's Day gift for yourself, your lover/spouse/friends, and any older-age couples you know. Order here.



Thank you, Carol Denker, for bringing these entrancing and inspiring stories to us.

2/1/10 Update: Autumn Love: free shipping in February! Carol Denker writes to our readers, "I would love to send you a copy of Autumn Romance for Valentine’s Day with no shipping or handling charges. And happy to send you the special link to buy a second book at half price, so you can say ‘I love you’ to someone else."

Five Stories - Part II

“Love one another”. As I sit here this afternoon, in my favorite corner of Starbucks, these words echo in my mind over and over again. I read them in the pages of my Bible (John 13:34 & 35), but as with many words of Scripture, they seem to slip in one ear and out the other. I’ve read and studied this passage dozens of times, but what does it really mean to love one another? I mean, I can say that I love the guy sitting next to me who is consistently bumping my chair, or the loud and obnoxious women across the room, or the iced coffee that I’m drinking, but where is the line drawn between words and actions? When is love really expressed as genuine love? What if I don’t particularly want to love someone? What if I can’t, even though Christ commands me to? (John 13:34) Love the unlovable? Love those I don’t know? Love my enemies? Those that have hurt me?

The second person of “Five Stories”, sat a few tables from me. He was a man that I had seen a number of times in Starbucks, and in my neighborhood, and was talking with someone else about his realty business. As the conversation moved to more personal topics, he began to share how he was beginning to realize that life’s BIG adventures might be as simple as drinking a cup of coffee while watering his flowers early in the morning. His Dad died recently and he watched him work until he was 70 years old, never really seeming to enjoy his life to the fullest. He doesn’t want this to happen to him, and feels God is leading him to slow down and enjoy each moment of life. From listening to his words and the inflection in his voice, it is obvious that he gets it. He is content with his life and is learning more about his relationship with God every day.

As I watched this man, and his interaction with his friend, I felt myself having compassion for him. I could feel something deeper than just observing a stranger, but there was somewhat of a connection with him. Even though I was uninvited to listen in on this little segment of his life, I felt as if I was joining him in his journey of life; if only for a few moments. He had no idea that I was connecting with him, but on some spiritual level, we were connected. Was this “love” that I was feeling for this stranger? The way in which God intends us to love one another? And as my mind meditated on his story, was the love of God being expressed in my concern for him?

The author of the Gospel of John was called “the disciple whom Jesus loved”, and as you read through the words of his gospel account, you get a sense of why he was singled out among the other eleven disciples and given this title. His words take you into a deeper understanding of the humanity of Christ and the fullness and complexity of His emotions moreso than the other three gospels. In his first letter of the New Testament, John speaks quite a bit about the concept of love. In fact, he draws one of the most significant and simplistic parallels to God that has ever been written: God is love. “God is love”. “Love one another”. Are we able to put some pieces together here?

I don’t think that John was merely talking about one of God’s many attributes or actions. Rather in His love, we see the complete embodiment of who God is, culminating in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. The ultimate sacrifice. The ultimate expression of love. Maybe being extensions of God’s love is more than just saying we “love” others. Maybe in order to really love one another, we must first be intimately connected to the one who is the essence of love. And as God dwells within us, His love pours out from us as we submit to Him completely. Let’s face it. Some people are impossible to love through our own power and actions. Yes, Christ commands us to love one another, but it seems to me that if God is love, and we are called to love one another, maybe it has less to do with our feelings or actions. Maybe it has nothing to do with us at all, and our expressions of love are simply the revelation of God to the world.

"Love one another".

Five Stories - Part I

Jesus said in John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one an another”. Love one another. Recently, I began wondering why we seem to take this “command” as if it were simply a suggestion. But while I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday afternoon, trying to relax and finish a book that I began reading a few weeks ago, my mind began to wander, as did my eyes. As I looked around the room, I started watching the people who were enjoying their coffee and engaging in various conversations. Everyone was drinking iced coffee drinks, signifying that summer had finally arrived, and after about 20 minutes of observation, I realized that there were 5 groups of people in the room. Five individual lives. Five individual stories existing in five separate, specific and secluded realities. “Love one another. “ Allow me to tell you about one of the five.
The first person that I noticed was an older woman who was talking with the barista and leaning on the counter. She was much older than me, had very weathered skin and a raspy voice. Probably a smoker, she was talking about how she had just had the first good night’s sleep in a long time, due to a new mattress that she had just aquired. After listening for a while, I began to realize that she was a victim of hurricane Ike, and was just starting to get her life back together again. She looked tired. She looked troubled. She looked lost. And although my heart really went out to her, I realized how isolated I felt from her. Here we were, sharing the same air, the same light, the same sounds and maybe the same brew of coffee, and yet we might as well be on opposite ends of the globe. “Love one another.” I love my wife. I love my two boys. But, how am I supposed to love a person that I know nothing about it?
A little later, she walked outside and sat by herself. Enjoying a smoke along with her coffee, she stared out into the parking lot, looking deep in thought. Not a peaceful contemplative type of thought, but a troubled and worried thought. The kind of thought where you wish you would just freeze time and live in this moment forever. You don’t want to leave the moment because reality is waiting for you just around the corner, and it’s not pleasant. I watched her from the window, but couldn’t bring myself to talk to her. I felt isolated and disconnected from her, and wondered how I could show the love of God to someone so distant. “Love one another.”
It’s interesting how our culture functions. Millions of people walk in and out of each others lives without so much as a second thought. We imagine our lives as being the center of the universe and elevate ourselves above others. But what if God had different plans for us? What if we were meant to engage each other as part of life’s natural rhythm? What if my observations in Starbucks are a flaw in how I perceive life? Should my observations rather be conversations?
Jesus said in Matthew 22, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” How is that possible when we find it so difficult to love ourselves? Many of us find ourselves either in the pits of self-loathing, or we are constantly striving to be someone that we’re not. We constantly attempt to improve ourselves inside and out, as if the imperfect always needs constant improving. Either way, we reject ourselves as incomplete, imperfect and flawed; as if God just didn’t get it right when He created us the first time.
“Love one another.” What does it mean to love one another? I’m not sure that I understand, and I’m not so sure that I am always capable. But maybe its more simple than we think. Maybe loving one another has less to do with a physical decision or action, and more to do with a spiritual connection. A divine encounter. Love one another.

Wedded at 93 and 89

"Each of us is living a lonely life. Why not get married?" Ebenezer Rose, 93, asked as he proposed to Monica Hayden, 89, reports Michael Laforgia in the Miami Herald. So they did.

Rose had been widowed for four years after 58 years of marriage; Hayden had survived two husbands. They had known each other through their church for 20 years, but only recently started keeping company.

As I start to heal after losing Robert ten months ago, I am struck by this story as a testament to the remarkable ability of the heart to heal after tremendous loss and open itself again to love. The story of Ebenezer Rose and Monica Hayden illustrates the power of love, whatever the age of the lovers, and the basic, human need for affection and intimacy.

Never too late for love: wedding couple aged 80 + 84

I was catching up on a week-old Sunday New York Times on my Kindle. I came upon the wedding announcements, which I usually skip -- when I spotted this one:

Anne Wallach, Gerald Maslon
... The bride, 80, is an author in New York... The bridegroom, 84, is a retired lawyer.

The couple met at Harvard in 1947, when they were both dating other people, whom they would later marry. The two couples stayed friends. Wallach was widowed in 2003; Maslon in 2005. Afterwards, they began dating. On May 1, 2009, they married.

Age is certainly no barrier to love. According to The New York Times,

Ms. Wallach said she still sees Mr. Maslon as he was when he was a law student — with dark hair and carrying a green book bag.

She says she wonders if he sees her in the same way and even addresses that thought in a novel she is writing: “Jack and I were young together. He’s always that boy in a tweed jacket swooping toward me on his bike. Am I a girl with a smooth face and long blonde hair to you, Jack?”

...
“She asks me that all the time,” he laughed. “Yeah, but I like her the way she is now.”