Manifestation

As you can tell from the date of my last blog entry, it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, or not that I haven’t intended to write something. And it’s not that I haven’t had anything to say. It’s just been difficult for me to write lately. To be honest, I’m going through a difficult time in my life. Right now, I would classify life as spiritually chaotic, and when I struggle through times like this, my first inclination is to isolate myself. Since writing has become a manner of communication for me, isolation from the written word has almost become inevitable.

Over the last week or so, several people have asked why my blogs have not been as frequent as usual. To my surprise, some people have even mentioned that they’ve missed them and have encouraged me to get back on a regular schedule again. With all that said, the inevitable question arose: “What am I going to write about?” I posed this question to a good friend of mine, and he replied with the frustratingly obvious: “Why not write about what’s going on in your life right now? What are you having the most trouble with”. I hesitated, and reluctantly the answer became the theme of this blog: I have trouble allowing people to minister to me.

Being in vocational ministry has been much more difficult than I ever thought. Many of the stories that I heard while in seminary have become all too real as I attempt to carve out the ministry that God wants for me. There are times when it can be very lonely and painful, often causing me to question whether or not I want to endure this journey much longer. However, after pouring my heart out to God in prayer, He quickly reminds me of how ridiculous that consideration really is. This is what He created me for, and in reality there is nothing more I would rather do with the rest of my life.

Despite the isolation and times when I feel like I’m in this alone, there are always a handful of people who have offered to take my hand as I walk through this valley. A few are fellow pastors, but most are just friends and acquaintances that I’ve known through my journey of life. And ironically, that’s where I find the most difficulty. Like I said, I have trouble allowing others to minister to me; especially those that are not in ministry as I am. Please don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I believe that everyone has to have a theological background to offer Godly ministry. Some of the most wise and loving people I know have never darkened the door of a seminary or served a day on a church staff.

The problem lies inside me, and is mixed with pride, selfishness and arrogance that automatically want to construct walls as I isolate myself further. I guess I feel that since I’m a minister in the church, I need to have everything together, under control and figured out; whatever that means. I need to be the one that's ministering to others, not being so weak that others have to minister to me, right? Well, let me explain how ridiculous I have found this to be.

Scripture tells us that the Church is the “Body of Christ”, and I believe this to be true in a very literal sense. The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, that we “are the Body of Christ and individually members of it.” In essence, the Church represents Christ as flesh and blood while He is not physically present on earth. That designation carries the responsibility of acting in the same ways that He acted when he walked the earth. When we offer loving ministry to one another, we are literally manifesting God to each other. And consequently, when we refuse ministry from others, we refuse to allow God to work through someone else, and deny them the opportunity to be used by God.

What I realize is that not only have I been denying others to allow God to work through them, but in essence, I’ve been denying God to speak to me directly. As I call out to God in prayer, “Why are you so silent? Why are you not answering my prayers?”, I am ignoring His voice being poured out through others that He has chosen to use in a divine way. He reminds me that He is present in those that care for me, with hands and feet. Christ with flesh on. It’s Him.

Through the people that reach out to me, I see the reality of 2 Corinthians 1:4. It says that God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” The reality is that we all walk through dark times as we journey through this life. Sometimes we are comforted. Sometimes we need comforting. But could it be that God is working through others to comfort me, so that I can then have the peace to again comfort others? Is ministry somewhat of a give-and-take experience as we allow God to work through each other? Could it be that we are all just children of a living God that longs to exhibit His power through each and every one of us in a serendipitous ministry of brothers and sisters in Christ revealing and manifesting God to the world?

So I will choose to receive ministry from anyone who is called to care for me. Because as I do, I have the opportunity to see God speaking to me in the flesh. Hands and feet. Lovingly breaking through the human realm to touch me and reach my deepest need.

Thank you to all who have ministered to me and been Christ with flesh and bones.

Balloons

Life is filled with various types of moments, isn't it? We face pivotal moments when our lives are drastically changed forever, and we face moments that pass without a second thought into history. We face moments of joy, hope, regret, shock, peace, fear, etc. But sometimes we face moments that just make us stop and think. These are simple, uneventful moments that derail the progress of a typical day, cause us to hit the pause button, stop whatever it is we are doing, and just kind of zone out. Nothing major. Just a subtle blip on the screen of life. Well, I had one of those moments today. And I was blowing up balloons.

Midway through my day, I found myself sitting in a hot closet of my church where we store a helium tank. I was blowing up balloons for our Wednesday night kids bible club. No big deal, right? Just blowing up balloons. Red. Blue. Pink. Yellow. Green. I blew them up, tied the ends into a knot and tied a colorful ribbon to the end. I planned on blowing up about 20 balloons, but around number 18, it hit me. I've just spent 30 minutes of my day making balloons. From the time it took me to gather my supplies, walk over to the storage room and make 18 balloons, 30 minuets have vanished. And they were spent making balloons! What could that possibly have to do with God, ministry or anything else for that matter. Balloons!

My mind began to wander. I began to feel that sinking feeling, and I'll admit, I started to get a little depressed. Is this what I expected I would be doing as I worked my way through seminary? Is this what I thought being called into ministry would entail? Is this activity that has taken so much of my time, helping to build God's Kingdom? Did I make too many red ones?

OK, is this all about balloons? No. Is this about effect time management? Maybe a little. I did just buy a nice new day planner. With a calculator! But I think this moment of pause in my day was for a reason bigger than helium and ribbon. I think this was a subtle way of God communicating a much deeper issue. This was just the bump in the road that snapped me out of highway hypnosis.

Scripture is full of verses on serving God. Paul says in his letter to the Colossian Church, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men...It is the Lord Christ you are serving." What Paul is saying here is that it's not so much the action, but the motives behind the action. Are we serving God with the very essence of our souls, or are we just going through the motions. It's not about blowing up balloons. It's not about teaching a Sunday School class, preaching a sermon, cleaning toilets or writing blogs. It's about our hearts and who we are serving. Our service to God should not primarily come through and abundance of energy, time or strength, but from the overwhelming conviction that we are serving the God of creation! Sometimes, we are just blowing up balloons, and that's OK! Maybe it's in these simple moments that He teaches more about serving with Him, rather than just doing stuff for Him.