Freaky Friday: To fake it or Not to fake it...that is the question?

Many women have faked an orgasm at some point during their sexual history. But there could be many reasons for faking one...she may not be into it, there could be something on the brain (yes men, I'm sorry to tell you but sometimes even during sex other things cross our mind), or she just can't reach that climax no matter how good it feels.

So the question is: Is it ok to fake it? I mean what harm does it really do? It makes the guy feel good and accomplished. We, women, don't want you to feel bad and maybe we don't want to talk about why we couldn't reach that pivotal point. I mean, it is the nice courteous thing to do, right? But is that, in some weird twisted way...selfish? Should we just let you know that we weren't completely safisfied?

I guess everyone's opinion on it is different. Some guys can probably care less but other's I'm sure want to know why, so they can try and fix the problem...if the problem is indeed them. But do guys really want to know the truth? Would it be as equally enjoyable for them if they knew their partner didn't experience an orgasm?  Most guys are turned on by how much their partner is turned on, so in some cases it could bring the momentum down and definitely could cause some insecurity. And nobody likes an insecure partner! So maybe faking is a good thing for morale purposes!

Sometimes faking could lead to sincerity. Moaning and groaning can help you get in the mood. It's a mental thing. And what started off as fake could actually become real. Just a thought.

Men if you're looking for some tips, I read an article on Askmen.com entitled "4 Tricks To make Her Orgasm" and I can't, 100% without a doubt, say they all will work but hey it's worth a try! And whatever you do make sure Swipes Lovin Wipes are always handy!

To all these questions that I posed, I'm really interested in hearing your feeling and thoughts?

So I'll ask one more time...To fake it or Not to fake it?

 

Freaky Friday: To fake it or Not to fake it...that is the question?

Many women have faked an orgasm at some point during their sexual history. But there could be many reasons for faking one...she may not be into it, there could be something on the brain (yes men, I'm sorry to tell you but sometimes even during sex other things cross our mind), or she just can't reach that climax no matter how good it feels.

So the question is: Is it ok to fake it? I mean what harm does it really do? It makes the guy feel good and accomplished. We, women, don't want you to feel bad and maybe we don't want to talk about why we couldn't reach that pivotal point. I mean, it is the nice courteous thing to do, right? But is that, in some weird twisted way...selfish? Should we just let you know that we weren't completely safisfied?

I guess everyone's opinion on it is different. Some guys can probably care less but other's I'm sure want to know why, so they can try and fix the problem...if the problem is indeed them. But do guys really want to know the truth? Would it be as equally enjoyable for them if they knew their partner didn't experience an orgasm?  Most guys are turned on by how much their partner is turned on, so in some cases it could bring the momentum down and definitely could cause some insecurity. And nobody likes an insecure partner! So maybe faking is a good thing for morale purposes!

Sometimes faking could lead to sincerity. Moaning and groaning can help you get in the mood. It's a mental thing. And what started off as fake could actually become real. Just a thought.

Men if you're looking for some tips, I read an article on Askmen.com entitled "4 Tricks To make Her Orgasm" and I can't, 100% without a doubt, say they all will work but hey it's worth a try! And whatever you do make sure Swipes Lovin Wipes are always handy!

To all these questions that I posed, I'm really interested in hearing your feeling and thoughts?

So I'll ask one more time...To fake it or Not to fake it?

 

CYBERSEX 2.0: The Xcite Touch

As if Second Life wasn't stimulating enough, Xcite has a product called THE TOUCH. Its a vibe that is controlled in SL...with Real World orgasms.

Gotta look into that one :)

Lots more after the break.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the requirements for touch?

Touch requires one or more touch enabled toys in Second Life, an active touch subscription, and the touch application, which currently runs under Windows XP or Windows Vista. A mac version is on the way shortly.

How does touch work?

Touch syncs up your real life toy with a virtual toy, so that when the virtual toy begins vibrating, so does the real toy. This may include various controls such as a pattern of vibrations, strength of the vibrations, etc.

What Xcite! toys in Second Life are compatible with touch?

You can check out this list on our website or look for the touch icon on the toys in our stores.

What real life toys are compatible with touch?

Currently we are working with a product sold by a company called Harnett Technology Solutions. The product they sell, which is available here, is a USB adaptor with a 2.5mm phono plug, compatible with many different real life bullets, vibrators and similar devices. You'll need to order the USB adaptor and then buy one or more different types of vibrators and accessories that can plug into it. We have a full list on this page, on the right hand side.

What about product XYZ, a usb vibrator from company a?

We've yet to find any other usb driven vibrators that are controllable via software and are using an open specification. Most of the companies out there in this space are building proprietary and very expensive toys, two good reason why we're using the solution above. If other companies decide to put out products that are reasonable and compatible, we'll of course support them in the future.

Can I use more than one vibrator?

Absolutely. For the first time, you can plug in up to four different vibrators into your computer (depending how many USB slots you have free), and they all can be driven independantly by different toys in Second Life.

Ok, if I buy a vibrator, how do I turn it on using Second Life?

Simple. You buy an Xcite! toy that is compatible with touch, and use the menus to turn the touch function on. Assuming you have an active touch account (they can be purchased at any Xcite! store), you would run the touch application (available for free on our website) and then whenever the toy in Second Life is activated, your real life vibrator will imitate whatever happens to the toy in Second Life.

Is touch safe? Can people find out who I am?

Touch is very safe. All communications are encrypted. There's no way your identity can be discovered through this system outside of any normal risks associated with Second Life.

Orgasmic wins 2011 IPPY Gold Award for Erotica

Yay! I just got the news that my anthology Orgasmic: Erotica for Women will be awarded the GOLD IPPY (Independent Publisher) Award. This makes my sixth and I love that these awards highlight independent publishing. I would also personally love to see this book do so well I get to do another book all about orgasms because it's one of my most varied books and I love that about it! So congratulations to all the authors in Orgasmic and if you haven't checked out this book yet, more info is below. I also liked the challenge of writing in a way that almost fetishizes whatever it is that gives each character an orgasm, not in a way that negates that fetish, obviously, but in a way that brings it to life. None of the stories read as cliches of what gets someone off.



What gets you off? How do you like to come? Let Orgasmic count the ways…with 25 stories centered around female orgasm, there’s something here for every reader. The women in Orgasmic climax from Tantric sex, role-playing, piercing, G-spot play, sex toys, horseback riding, BDSM, a belt and even chemistry–the scientific kind. They delight in food, God and handymen. They create their own objects of pleasure; they spy, tease, obey, command, argue, submit. Some are shy about their orgasms and some are bold as can be. They come, and come and come again, and they do it in some of the hottest, most creative ways you can think of. Featuring red-hot erotica by some of today’s hottest writers, these stories will make you want to stop everything and have an orgasm immediately…once you’ve turned the last succulent page.



Purchase Orgasmic from:



Amazon.com.



Kindle edition



Barnes & Noble (Bn.com)



Borders



IndieBound (search for your local independent bookstore!)



Cleis Press

Introduction: Let Me Count the Ways…

The Waiting Game Elizabeth Coldwell
What’s in a Name? Jacqueline Applebee
Chemistry Velvet Moore
The Chair Lolita Lopez
Fixing the Pipes Susie Hara
Share Dusty Horn
Hurdles Rowan Elizabeth
Seeing Stars Louisa Harte
Old Faithful Sylvia Lowry
Paying It Forward Kendra Wayne
The Big O Donna George Storey
Moon Tantra Teresa Noelle Roberts
Feet on the Dashboard Rachel Green
Frosting First Lana Fox
All She Wanted Andrea Dale
Making Shapes Lily Harlem
Rapture Angela Caperton
Belted Rachel Kramer Bussel
Rise and Shine Heidi Champa
Taking the Reins Vanessa Vaughn
First Date with the Dom Noelle Keely
Animal Inside Neve Black
The London O Justine Elyot
Fight Charlotte Stein
Switch Jade Melisande

Introduction

Let Me Count The Ways…

Orgasm: like sex, it’s one word that means many different things to many different people. For many women, it’s the center of their sexual life, a daily occurrence; something to look forward to, experiment with. For
some it means a gushing rush of pleasure, for others it’s a little wave they delight in cresting.

Every woman who orgasms may describe it differently.

Yet there are many women, myself included, who find orgasm not so easy to achieve much of the time (yes, it’s trueæI love sex, and get turned on, but coming is a bit more complex for me). In “Hurdles,” Rowan Elizabeth writes of such a character: “I can’t win this. And it’s my hang-up, too. I feel like there’s something I’m just not doing right. Maybe if I tighten my legs a little more or squeeze my eyes shut harder, then we’d get there together.”

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines orgasm as “intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially: an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female.” It comes from the Latin and Greek (orgasmus/orgasmos), from organ “to grow ripe, be lustful.” I like that description, though what it leaves out is that for women, orgasm can stretch beyond the boundaries of ejaculation, can continue on and on, can be drawn out for as long as the woman (or her partner) wants to indulge in the experience.

In Lolita Lopez’s perfectly kinky story, “The Chair,” sex toys and submission go hand in hand with orgasm for the protagonist. “Lily’s orgasms changed from separate events to one long and unending oscillation of bliss.” Her “punishment” at the hands of Cal is one she’s very, very happy to absorb.

There are countless articles and books telling you how to have a bigger, better orgasm. I don’t want to add to the clamor of the voices saying, You must orgasm now. Instead, I want Orgasmic to be a fictional showcase of some of the reasons, methods and delights women bring to their orgasms. I want these red-hot stories to help get you warmed up, primed, aroused. I want them to make you squirm with desire, identification, curiosity. I want you to read these stories aloud to a lover…or someone you wish were your lover.

I did my best to capture an array of big (and little) Os, moments where the world feels like it’s exploding in your body, orgasms that rock more than just your world. These stories capture the ferocity, intensity and power of women’s orgasms, however they’re achieved. I couldn’t include every way women come in this book, or it would be much longer than it is now, but I wanted to include a varied look at what gets women off, which means it’s not always a man or another woman, or even a machine that does the trick. Vanessa Vaughn taps into a classic route with “Taking the Reins:”

As I straddle the seat and slowly lower myself down, I feel a familiar tingle of excitement deep inside. I can sense the monstrous size of the body between my thighs, the large chest expanding and contracting broadly with each breath. The smell of fresh, conditioned leather smothers my sensesæwell, that, and also the slight musky tinge of sweat. It is a raw smell mixed with rich, dark dirt.

Speaking of orgasm how-tos, in “The Big O” by Donna George Storey, she both skewers the omnipresent women’s magazine sex advice and adds a saucy twist as her protagonist puts into practice “The Sexercise Prescription: A Stronger Secret You in Six Weeks.”

The women in Orgasmic climax from tantric sex, role-playing, piercing, G-spot play, sex toys and even chemistry--the scientific kind. They delight in food, God and handymen. They create their own objects of pleasure; they spy, tease, obey, command, argue, submit. Some are shy about their orgasms and some are bold as can be.

They come, and come and come again, and they do it in some of the hottest, most creative ways you can think of. Visit me at orgasmicbook.wordpress.com if you just can’t get enough…orgasms, that is.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City

This week I learned what an "orgasmism" is

And you can too, by reading this week's Sex Diary, "The Single Girl Supplementing Her Sex Life by Having ‘Orgasmisms’ at Work" - and if you'd be so kind, if you enjoy it, please like it on Facebook. Thanks! Details at the bottom on how to submit your own (must be over 18 and in the NYC area, and it pays).

Orgasm Night tonight with free chocolate body paint, vibrator, handcuffs & more!

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
ORGASM NIGHT
October 21, 2010, 7:30 pm - 10 pm
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says "XIE HE Health Club."
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://www.inthefleshreadingseries.com

Orgasms all around! In The Flesh turns 5 and celebrates orgasms with readings from host Rachel Kramer Bussel's Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women, an insider look at boudoir photography and more. Featuring boudoir photographer Laura Boyd (ownyoursexy.com), Graydancer (Ropecast), novelist Daniel Allen Cox (Krakow Melt), gambling memoir author Beth Raymer (Lay the Favorite) and Orgasmic contributors Neve Black, Heidi Champa, Lana Fox, Dusty Horn and Velvet Moore. Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel (Fast Girls, Orgasmic). Giveaways include Astroglide lube samples, rabbit vibrator, leopard print blindfold and wrist and ankle cuffs, and chocolate body paint kit from EdenFantasys, plus 100 free copies of SexIs Magazine. Free Baked by Melissa cupcakes, candy and chips will be served. This is the countdown to the final In The Flesh December 16th so don't miss a very special night!



Find out more about Rachel's anthology Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women at http://orgasmicbook.wordpress.com/about. Click here to read orgasm erotica excerpts by Rachel Kramer Bussel, Heidi Champa, Dusty Horn, Lana Fox and Velvet Moore.

Rabbit vibrator, leopard print faux fur blindfold, wrist & ankle bondage cuffs and chocolate body paint giveaways on October 21st, courtesy of EdenFantasys! Click on each item to be taken to EdenFantasys to find out more.







In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named
Happy Ending Lounge, and features the country's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. The series was named Best Reading Series by New York Press in 2009. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Mike Albo, Laura Antoniou, Mo Beasley, Susie Bright, Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Mike Daisey, Stephen Elliott, Valerie Frankel, Polly Frost, Gael Greene, Andy Horwitz, Debra Hyde, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Josh Kilmer-Purcell, Edith Layton, Logan Levkoff, Suzanne Portnoy, Julie Powell, Sofia Quintero, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Grant Stoddard, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, Dana Vachon, Veronica Vera, Susan Wright, Zane and many others. The series has gotten press attention from the New York Times’s UrbanEye, Daily Candy, Escape (Hong Kong), Flavorpill, The L Magazine, New York Magazine, NBC New York, New York Post, New York Observer, Philadelphia City Paper, Time Out New York, Flavorwire, Fork in the Road, Gawker, Gothamist, Jezebel.com, Nerve.com, Serious Eats, Tasting Table and Wonkette, and has been praised by Dr. Ruth.

Between studying the classics and surfing the Southern California coastline, Neve Black discovered she also had affection for writing erotic literature, which she believes comes from her interest in scratching at the under-belly of society. Neve's novel Sex through the Zodiac was published in January 2009. You can also read her erotic work in the on-line magazine Oysters and Chocolate, and various anthologies: Sex and San Francisco, Orgasmic: Erotica for Women, Swing: Erotic Stories of Every Flavor, Ambrosia, Men in Shorts, and Sex and Shoes.
www.neveblack.com



Laura Boyd is a photographer living and working in downtown Manhattan. Her work focuses on weddings, boudoir, and portraiture. She also does fine art photography, having recently spent five weeks in Paris working on her Paris in HDR project. She is a recovering attorney with a J.D. from the University of North Carolina. After fleeing the practice of law, she studied photography and design at the International Center for Photography, Parsons, and professional workshops around the world. Visit her websites at www.lauraboydblog.com, www.lauraboydstudio.com, and www.ownyoursexy.com.



Rachel Kramer Bussel is an author, editor, blogger and reading series host. She is Senior Editor at Penthouse Variations and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice. She’s edited over 30 anthologies, including the kink-themed Spanked, Bottoms Up, Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am, He's on Top, She's on Top, Rubber Sex as well as Fast Girls, Orgasmic, Peep Show, The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories, Do Not Disturb: Hotel Sex Stories, Tasting Him, Tasting Her, and the non-fiction Best Sex Writing series. Her books won 3 2009 Independent Publisher Awards. Her writing been published in publications such as Clean Sheets, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Fresh Yarn, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Newsday, New York Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Tango, The Village Voice, and Time Out New York, and in over 100 anthologies, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. Rachel conducts nationwide readings and erotic writing workshops. She has hosted In The Flesh since October 2005.
www.rachelkramerbussel.com


photo by Anya Garrett

Heidi Champa is proud to be back reading at In The Flesh for the second time. On her first visit, in October of 2008, Heidi read her very first anthology-published erotic story. Since then, her work has appeared extensively online and in print, including anthologies like Best Women’s Erotica 2010, Alison's Wonderland, Playing With Fire, Frenzy and Ultimate Curves and websites like The Erotic Woman and Clean Sheets. Her first novella, White Out, was published by Amber Allure Press in August. You can find out more online at heidichampa.blogspot.com.



Daniel Allen Cox is the author of the novel Shuck, published by Arsenal Pulp Press and shortlisted in 2009 for a Lambda Literary Award and a ReLit Award. His second novel, Krakow Melt, is forthcoming from Arsenal Pulp in October 2010. Michael Musto commented on the book: “Dying Popes and gays with matches—two of my favorite subjects.” Daniel’s house burned down in 2007.
www.danielallencox.com



Lana Fox is a Brit living near Boston. Her stories appear or are forthcoming in a variety of books and magazines, including Clean Sheets, Best Women's Erotica 2011 ed. Violet Blue, Passion: Erotic Romance for Women ed. Rachel Kramer Bussel, and two Harlequin Spice anthologies, including the recently released Alison's Wonderland, ed. Alison Tyler. Lana loves writing about sex so much that she teaches erotica writing classes in the Boston area. She blogs at lanafox.com.

Graydancer, Ninja Sex Poodle & Ronin of Love, comes from the bondage capitol of the world, Madison, WI, where he honed his craft to become the world premiere podcaster of rope bondage with “the Ropecast“. He is the author of three novels as well as numerous short stories and essays and has been published in several anthologies, including several edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. In 2007 he created "Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza" (www.GRUE.me) a kink-positive unconference occurring all over North America. A veteran of the stage, Graydancer has performed in many venues such as Foxy Veronica’s Peach Pies caburlesque, Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art show, Kink.com, the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, among others. Currently he plies his trade as an itinerant rope artist, kink educator and sex-positive social media whore, wrangling GRUEs and smiting the evil of sloppy ends wherever they may lie.
www.graydancer.com



Velvet Moore is a twenty-something who began writing erotica-style works during adolescence and officially entered the world of erotic fiction several years ago. She has been published on the web at sites including CleanSheets.com and TheEroticWoman.com, and ForTheGirls.com. She currently resides in Ohio and makes her living as a science writer.
www.velvetmoore.com

Beth Raymer is the author of Lay the Favorite, published by Spiegel & Grau. She is the recipient of a Fulbright scholarship and an MFA from Columbia University.



You will hear from the following books:


Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel


Krakow Melt by Daniel Allen Cox


Lay the Favorite by Beth Raymer

Fresh Fiction reviews Orgasmic

Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women (click to read intro and watch book trailer) got a great review at Fresh Fiction:

Orgasmic springs from a delicious idea — a book of erotica that explores every possible type of orgasm. This highly original concept could only have come from the delightfully dirty (and brilliant) mind of Rachel Kramer Bussel. Oral sensations, digital delights, tricks with toys, and the old bump and grind are all featured, along with many more imaginative ways to bring a lover to climax. By taking the reins, one woman finds pleasure on top; an experimental lover discovers ecstasy with a remote-controlled vibrator; body and soul merge in multiple orgasms through tantric sex. Orgasmic covers it all, from the familiar to the uncharted, opening up a Pandora’s Box of scenarios and techniques to bring readers to new heights of pleasure.

Sexy photo slideshow, free rabbit vibrator, chocolate body paint, handcuffs & more 10/21 at Orgasm Night!

As should be obvious, DON'T MISS THIS. There are only 3 more In The Flesh left. I'm beyond freaking honored that people are coming in from across the country for this, I loved Beth Raymer's brilliant memoir Lay the Favorite (and you will be hard-pressed to find the sex work in the mainstream coverage of this gambling memoir), we have FIVE readers from my book Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women (I'll have copies for sale) and a sexy photo slideshow of women in lingerie? Not to mention Graydancer and Daniel Allen Cox! We are SO going out with a bang and I hope you'll join us! Plus all the free toys from EdenFantasys!

Get a peek behind the lens as New York-based boudoir photographer Laura Boyd reveals what it’s like to photograph women at their sexiest, as well as sharing photos from her star turn in front of the camera. Special photo slideshow presentation. October 21st, details below.



Rabbit vibrator, leopard print faux fur blindfold, wrist & ankle bondage cuffs and chocolate body paint giveaways on October 21st, courtesy of EdenFantasys! Click on each item to be taken to EdenFantasys to find out more.








In The Flesh logo by Molly Crabapple

There is no RSVP requirement, but if you'd like to RSVP and/or spread the word on Facebook, click here for the Orgasm Night event listing. Note early start time of 7:30. See also the In The Flesh Reading Series fan page on Facebook.

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
ORGASM NIGHT
October 21, 2010, 7:30 pm - 10 pm
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says "XIE HE Health Club."
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://www.inthefleshreadingseries.com

Orgasms all around! In The Flesh turns 5 and celebrates orgasms with readings from host Rachel Kramer Bussel's Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women, an insider look at boudoir photography and more. Featuring boudoir photographer Laura Boyd (ownyoursexy.com), Graydancer (Ropecast), novelist Daniel Allen Cox (Krakow Melt), gambling memoir author Beth Raymer (Lay the Favorite) and Orgasmic contributors Neve Black, Heidi Champa, Dusty Horn, Lana Fox and Velvet Moore. Giveaways include Astroglide lube samples, rabbit vibrator, leopard print blindfold and wrist and ankle cuffs, and chocolate body paint kit from EdenFantasys, plus 100 free copies of SexIs Magazine. Free Baked by Melissa cupcakes, candy and chips will be served. This is the countdown to the final In The Flesh December 16th so don't miss a very special night!

Kindle edition of Orgasmic out now!

Click through below to buy Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women on Kindle, or click here to watch the book trailer and read the table of contents and introduction.

Orgasmic: Erotic Stories for Women book trailer posted

Dress by Yumi Kim, lots of the extra goodies like the Pussy Lover teacup by Coco de Mer (no product placement, I bought all those things, because I love both those shops).



Click here to read the introduction and learn more about Orgasmic.

Purchase Orgasmic from:



Amazon.com.



Kindle edition



Barnes & Noble (Bn.com)



Borders



IndieBound (search for your local independent bookstore!)



Cleis Press