Sex Toys: 2010 Holiday Recommendations

As a sex toy reviewer, I'd say it's been a great year! Here are a few of my recommendations, with links to my original reviews. From there, you'll find links to retailers I endorse.

Most of my recommendations are new toys in 2010, but not all of them. Just in case you haven't been following this blog religiously for the past four years, I don't want you to miss some all-time favorites that might be new to you, so I've included a few of them, too.

Realize that all the toys I recommend get high marks from a senior perspective: they're strong (most are really strong!) to compensate for our slowing arousal pattern, reliable, comfortable to use (even for athritic wrists), orgasm-inducing effective--and they don't balk at long use times. Bonus points when the controls are easy to figure out without reading glasses.

I only recommend high quality toys, made of body-friendly materials and designed to last. They won't overheat or turn themselves off if we need to keep them running for a while. Because of the standards of design, function, and materials, these aren't cheap. They're like us -- high quality, durable, and ready for pleasure.

Jimmyjane Form 3: Put your finger into the indentation of this sweet vibrator and voila! You get a softly cushioned, intensely vibrating finger.  

LELO Siri:  A clitoral massager that curves over your clitoris and labia with delicious results.

LELO Gigi: I reviewed this G-spot/vaginal vibrator in 2009, and despite the many newer toys I've received, I find myself reaching for this one frequently, pairing it with various clitoral stimulators. I like the slender shape and the design of the G-spotting tip really does aim perfectly.

LELO Lily: Another 2009 favorite, smaller than the Siri, yet still strong. Try this during partner sex -- it's small enough that it won't get in the way, and it will intensify your pleasure.

Vibratex Mystic Wand: I was so surprised by the strength of this vibrator! I often find myself reaching for it instead of the Hitachi Magic Wand when I need a super-strong assist. It's almost as strong as the Hitachi, which seems impossible because it's powered by just 4 AA batteries, and there's no cord to get in the way and no need for an electrical outlet.

Petite Couture Enchanted: Cute enough to make you laugh, but potent enough to make you squirm, this vaginal vibrator is shaped just right to hit the right spots and stay in place almost hands-free. I love the squishiness of this toy, enjoyable--even before its designated use--to just hold and squeeze.

Snow Bunny: I tried rabbit after rabbit, convinced I couldn't find one to fit me, and  then I found the Snow Bunny!

Eroscillator: Long before I started reviewing sex toys, I discovered the Eroscillator and used it for more than a decade. It's great between bodies for partner sex, because the wand is slim enough that it doesn't get in the way. Be sure to try the "marshmallow" attachment -- my favorite!   

My list here is far from comprehensive. Please click here for all my sex toy reviews and commentary -- keep scrolling down and click "older posts" when you get to the bottom, because there are many reviews, and one that was just okay for me might be the one you've been wishing for.

In addition, I have a collection of toys I received in 2010 that I haven't yet reviewed. Look for an update as I discover new ones I have to tell you about.

Your comments are welcome! (But please don't try to use my blog to send my readers to other retailers than the ones I recommend. Those comments never see the light of day.)

Enjoy!

Tom, 55, “My wife had her first orgasm in six years”

Tom, age 55, wrote me a beautiful account of how he and his wife rediscovered their intimacy and sexual pleasure after a combination of health issues and medications left his wife unable to have orgasms. She was taking blood pressure medicine and antidepressants, and had stopped hormone replacement therapy. Tom had his own health issues, including low metabolism and testosterone levels. Combined with his wife's lack of lubrication, decreased sensation, and anxiety, "our sex life seemed to be drying up."

We slowly reached the point where we decided we needed to fix the situation. We started taking more time in our lovemaking and trying different lubricants, and that did work much better for us. I also bought your book Better Than I ever Expected, and it has been very helpful.

However, I found that when we had romantic weekends, I would occasionally have problems maintaining my erection. That had never happened before and was really stressful, so I now use Levitra to have confidence that I can be erect. The effects of Levitra seem to linger, so I don't feel like I need to take it right before lovemaking. I can take it anywhere from one to 12 hours ahead of time and it still works for me.

Unfortunately, no amount of foreplay, oral or manual stimulation was able to bring about an orgasm in my wife. This was really frustrating to me, since I felt that our lovemaking was too one-sided. I think it maybe bothered me more than my wife. In the past, I was very good at knowing her body and her response and I could bring about very nice orgasms by a combination of oral and manual massaging. So, after reading your book, and doing some additional reading and research, I spent $225 on an Eroscillator. We had never experimented with sex toys, so I wanted to get something that looked like it would be effective, and this seemed to have the recommendations and documentation to back it up.

What a difference! The first time we tried it, we spent some time together getting warmed up, and I used the soft fingertip attachment on her, and my wife had her first orgasm in six years within just a few minutes, and she cried in my arms afterwards. This has made a huge difference in our lovemaking, and my wife now has very strong orgasms.

We are still trying to figure out the best way to work it into our lovemaking, we had never used any vibrators or sex toys before. I love it because I now can be sure that I can please her, and I want her to be able to come first. I like it because it is nearly silent, and very effective.

Thank you, Tom, for your candor and for the details that will help other people in the same situation. As you know, I've been a fan of the Eroscillator (the soft fingertip attachment is my favorite, too!), and I found my own eyes starting to water when I read about your wife crying in your arms after her first orgasm in six years. As for how to work it into your lovemaking, the woman can hold it and use it for clitoral stimulation while her partner is caressing and arousing her manually, and she can also use it during intercourse, depending on the position.

"What would you tell others in your situation?" I asked Tom.

I would just tell others that there are ways to make things better. Talking with doctors and counselors can help, but I think that the familiarity of their doctors with sexual issues may be lacking, so specialists may be needed. I do know from personal experience how difficult it is to go to a doctor and ask for help on sexual matters. Requesting a prescription for Levitra was a very tough thing to do, so I can imagine that talking about more difficult issues can be very hard.

Fortunately, with some effort, the Internet can be a good source for information. That (Amazon.com) is where I learned about your book and blog, and I also picked up Dr. Ruth's book. I also used it to search for different lubricants to try and learn about the Eroscillator. Especially for people who are not in a major city the Internet is a great tool.

Please click on the picture below to learn more about the Eroscillator:

Sex and Older Bodies

I invite you to read my second column for Suddenly Senior: Sex and Older Bodies: Tips, Tools, and Tricks that Work! Here's an excerpt:

I‘m often asked in media interviews for tips for great senior sex. Here's what has worked for me:

1. Communicate. Tell your partner what you're feeling, or not feeling, and describe what would make sex better or more comfortable for you. Your partner wants to understand and please you.

2. Take lots and lots of time. We need more time to become aroused and make the delicious journey to the crashing waves. Set aside a couple of hours so you have time for the full experience, from the first kiss to the afterglow cuddle.

3. Find positions and props that enhance your comfort. A special shaped pillow like the Wedge and a silky lubricant can make all the difference in comfort!

4. Explore erotic helpers. I wrote a whole chapter on sex toys in Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty, including divulging my favorite.*

* I didn't go into more detail about my favorite in my Suddenly Senior column, but I'll tell you here -- it's the Eroscillator. Click on the photo below to visit the Eroscillator website. You'll have to read my book to learn just how this magical machine enhances our love life -- though if you ask, I'm likely to reveal more here!



I also talk in this column about how sexual expression can be an affirmation and celebration of life when dealing with a severe, even catastrophic, illness:

Many of you are familiar with the love story I tell in Better Than I Ever Expected about my romance with Robert.

Since the book was written, two major events in our lives happened: Robert and I got married, and Robert had six months of chemotherapy to treat his leukemia and lymphoma (happily now in remission).

Each chemotherapy treatment left Robert sick, depressed, and exhausted. Then, as he started to come back, he wanted to make love."I sought to be whole, not damaged by cancer and chemo, celebrating the source of life," he told me. "I needed to feel alive and well, not just a 'survivor.' I wanted to express myself completely through this body that felt violated."

I'd love to hear from other people who have had similar -- or different -- experiences.