Having my Ovaries massaged and lifting my skirt to show strangers what I have to show

Being a vampire is not always as fun as it sounds as we have to mix with humans and you are so odd !!!!

As a vampire I have problems with sunlight and I will tell you of my trip to Asia to see my human relatives the ones which brought me up as an orphan until I was discovered and taken back into vampire society,  hundreds of relatives I never heard of which seams to be normal in Asia.


I do not burst into flame but get terminal acne ………….. well …..it feels terminal it may not kill me just wish I was dead, and even with 1000 percent sun block cream and dark glasses I still suffer.


Asia is hot and sunny and not a good place during the day for my species  ………….. I am good with overcast days in the West but still I am not a full day walker nor a night walker (they have better eyesight and can take cold without getting a tummy chill) So I am an overcast walker and that sounds just crap, and so I suffer………er……  but  not necessarily in silence …..so but I will tell you more as I tried to pretend to be human and fit into your world.


So a nice cool night flight and then it hit me …………….. sun light !!!!!!!

 …As I said I suffer from heat rash due to being a vampire or in my case monstrous heat bumps  …….heat lumps ….. see as a vampire I can not take sun light 3 on my left foot and two on my right a mountain of one on my lower right leg.


And the worst on my right inner thigh one that was 1 inch dia and itched like hell another 3 inches dia of puffy skin around it from me scratching.


And I was now a guinea pig for testing herbal creams by unknown relatives……………… hell I am not used to lifting my skirt for every strange distant relative to take a look at it and rub something on it such as…………. Tiger Balm ….which burns then itches again leaving you with a now big brown itchy lump.


Now you know why I said I always feel like a child in both vampire society and human society  ……………. Who else do you know would have to raise their skirt to let a person one has never seen before …….. and without a doctors degree look up your skirt and make comments………….. Hell ok they say they are a relative …. But ………..oh embarrassing and ………. Well ……..there is me thinking daily that that I must wear my best underwear and perhaps should iron them first ……….  as I do not know who will want to look up my skirt today ! what ever society I live in I still feel like a child !

Like the day I sat on a chair that must have had some oil on it as it left a damp looking stain and my Aunt asked if I have had an accident !!! no it is oil!  see it is not drying !!   what frigging idiot would leave oil on a seat ?  

And then the time we had a short trip up to Siam I had a massage in my hotel from by a woman a foot taller than me and at least 40 ……………

Siam all over body Massaging should be relaxing it was not! ………… First no one told me an all over body massage was really all over and that I had to be naked!    Like why as the bits I would like to cover are bits that I do not want to be massaged, it is just like school …its aright you are all girls together  …………. Soooooooooooo  …………. Just because I have the same body parts I don’t have any urge to show them off ……….. besides at school I used to get so many comments about my bust …………… I’m Asian ! So I don’t look like a milk cow, but it is normal for my race !!    

It is common in Asia to have Breast enlargement massage at a look if you do not believe me .........and no I did not try it ............. why pay for that when any guy would do it free .............

asian breast massage

With the full body massage It is all bending, turning and rubbing, and foot stretching which means her putting a foot between my legs ………….. ok more like just a heel but just where my ovaries are ------the heel holds the leg in place for the foot stretching.

And it did not help when I was told it is very good for girls to be rubbed there as it helps make them more fertile !!!!  WHAT is it she is trying to do to me  ------- no way do I want my ovaries spiting out eggs daily.

I don’t know about being more fertile but the dull ache it left behind made me feel that I had been kicked in the groin.

Things on my list of not to do again is to have my ovaries massaged !………I still ache when I think of it ….. and the time she spent massaging my inner thighs and bottom made me think that a visit to a gynecologist would be less invasive.

Look I am sure people never believe what I say so take a look here:

Thai Massage Videos - 

As to being fertile I had already been flicked with holy water by a bald headed little old cross legged monk in yellow robes when I gave him a donation ………which then I was also told by another monk would help make me fertile when I married………. Just what is all this about me and my eggs? ………….

……………… As a single girl lack of fertility is not something I have need to worry about  …………… it has now just got me so worried ………… so any guy taking me out can forget about anything more than a kiss and as to him wearing a rubber …………. Yes a full neck to feet rubber wetsuit under his clothes even on a dinner date ………I am not taking any chances I am sure that little old monk winked at me ……….

You humans do not and I repeat do not live a normal LIFE !!!!!

I for one vampire will now going to stay in the West!

The next sexy massage I have must to be done by a naked guy! and preferably on his private schooner somewhere in the Caribbean. 

Pantie-less Vampire v the squat toilet

Look just because the movies don’t show that Vampires have normal bodily functions it does not mean they don’t have them………… let me give you a hint a vampire bat after a meal relives itself ok …..now then why do you think that after 8 pints of blood I would not like to do the same thing?

My trip to SE Asia this year gave me lots of problems ………..dont so much as finding blood but how to get rid of it afterwards ………..just listen:

Your Panties are griped tightly in your hand and your skirt clenched between your teeth and they say this is a holiday!

There comes a time when you can no longer cross your legs and when a girls got to go a girls got to go ………….

How To Use a Squat Toilet

Mastering Squat Toilets: Toilet Paper Necklace -- Female Travel Underground

But when in SE Asia just try and keep your legs crossed a bit longer as the toilets are so not good news for a nice vampire girl brought up in the west ………..

I got myself a nice light long flowing cotton dress to try and keep cool in and also hide the heat lumps …………. No not heat rash but heat lumps ………anything over 2inch dia is a lump ………it is also red and itches like  ****   ……

Look I’m a vampire and so even with 100% sun block I still suffer from the sun………….. No I am not the sort that catch fire ! I’m the sort slowly turns into one giant heat lump ……..

Culture shock

The toilets are PRIMATIVE ………yes very primitive …… a concrete room with stalls and flies lots and lots of flies……er did I say lots of flies…….. Each stall has a hole in the ground ………which looks like an entrance to hell……..and the floor is wet very wet …….this is due to the hose pipe which is attached to a tap in the wall and which is constantly running ……………. No toilet paper ……………you use a water hose pipe and fingers to wash yourself !!!!! YES IT IS TRUE ! You stick a cold water hose pipe between your legs !!!

As to no toilet paper a lot of the stalls don’t have doors !!!

Yes I know I have a cute Butt …..Well I have been told…………. Mostly by men over 60 that wink when they say it ………yuck……and men with odd tattoos on building sites………. but at least it is noticed……. But I am used to putting my cute butt down on a seat ………………Of course I can squat …..I am female and all females can squat but ….well I have two legs but you don’t see me taking part in the Olympics!

Well the floor is soaking wet as I said very wet so I remove my panties……………. Yes well with my sense of balance it is best not to tie my knees together while squatting over a hole in a very wet floor, now is it! ………………

And I am wearing a long cotton dress ………….. and the floor is soaking wet …and I am hoping just from the hose pipe…………… soooooooooo how not to get the dress wet ?……… time is running out as I am getting so desperate I may even risk standing up but that could make the dress even wetter…………

I have a bright idea …..I grab the front of the dress, pull it up to my face and grip it between my teeth…………..

Thank god they don’t have CCTV ………………

So there I am A blood sucking Denizen of the night ergo A VAMPIRE !  squatting over a hole in the ground with my dress clenched between my teeth and my panties safely in my hands.

Then is the problem of working out how to use the hose pipe to clean yourself……………. How the heck was I to know that in a hot county the water was so ..so  .so.  very cold …………. And yes I discovered that by pointing it somewhere delicate !!!!!! ............. delicate and now dripping wet and very cold!!

I am sure such things should be banned under the UN as a torture technique ………..if you did not want to take a piss before you would now !!

And without tissue paper how do you dry yourself? ……………. Well you don’t !  ……….. you have just put a cold water hose pipe between your legs and you are now …..well ………..how can one put it …er……your personal rainforest is kinda dripping…..so I put my panties back on and …..yes before you ask it does feel like you have wet yourself..

Look I asked afterwards and I was told this is normal …NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!  now just who would have put it about that it is normal to do that ! stick a hosepipe of cold water between your legs and then have to walk around like that …er damp……….you can’t even sit down for fear of leaving a damp patch.

Now this is why Vampires live in the West !!!!

Advertising for a boyfriend and sleeping with a naked girl for the first time.

Sleeping with a naked girl for the first time, and advertising for a boyfriend

As I said before I was in SE Asia for Chinese New Year.

In SE Asia the rules are different, ok some are the same, don’t talk to boys or they will think you are easy…………….. yes right … like that is going to stop a girl.

You may not just go up and talk with him or rather send a friend over but you are happy to write your cell phone number on an orange and throw in a lake.

ITS TRADITIONAL ! like how long have we had cell phones let alone waterproof felt tipped pens.

I think it is called “Chap Goh Meh” and happens at the end of the 15 day Chinese New Year.

All Chinese maidens and that’s me, look I am unmarried so it is obvious I am still a maiden ………SHUT UP !  can get a boy by throwing an orange into the lake

I watched as some girls wrote a Facebook address other braver ones put a cell number on it, it should be the luck of a draw but one girl had a bag of about 30 oranges each covered with witty messages along with her date of birth, pretty hearts and an email address, done in red and black waterproof pen and must have taken her all day …………….

Boys line the bank with 20 ft long fishing poles, but the keener boys were in the water keeping an eye open for which girl threw which orange, one girl had about three guys fight over her orange so I don’t see her staying single for long.

As to me? Wellllll I wrote my book details on two of them ……er…………….. ok so I also added my email but not one replied so I guess mine must have sunk.     

While I am thinking of my Chinese New Year trip I may as remind you all of a change of life event that took place this year and that was the time my cousin removed her underwear and got in bed with me.

I promised to let you have all the details of my trip to Asia and well ……………..one of the most embarrassing things happened at night.

HMG well I never thought I would find myself sleeping with another girl I mean like together not just in the same room but in the same bed and then discover she had roving hands !!! and it was no where as exciting as when guys talk about what happens………

God this is so embarrassing to say   ….well ………… there is a first time for everything ……. Forget the worry about the embarrassment of being a girl trying to buy condoms in a shop just remember to buy ear plugs ……………… heck did she snore!

Guys are always so interested to know what goes on when two girls sleep together, (perverts !!!!)

……well anyway I will tell you ! …………. It was well kinda .er…….different ……...and well I did not do anything much myself………….

As to what strange urges happen well it is true I did get some strange urges when her hand slowly moved up my inner leg ……….. The urge was to try and sneak away and get a hotel room………. On my own !!!

It was not that I even knew her ……..well…ok……. she is a cousin ………… and she seamed to take a liking to me during the day ……..but liking each other as cousins means shopping together and  sharing an ice cream in the mall ………… moving into my bed on the pretence that the aircon was too powerful and she was cold…………. Well that is something I would have expected more from a guy…….

…. All she had on was a tee ……… and no don’t ask me why, perhaps she liked the freedom, ok it was a long Tee but she was defiantly naked under it,  look  if she had not raised it to scratch I would not have know it was the only item she had on.

To prove she was cold she placed her hands between my thighs and ……..look I am not that sort of girl ! even more of a shock when she pushed her face into my boobs……giving out a little giggle….

What am I a pillow !! ……….heck…….  I just hoped she was not going to bite anything !……….  well you try and explain teeth marks on ones boobs!

Ok try again ………….. you try and give a believable reason why you have teeth marks on your boobs

The only way I could stop her hands locating more intimate places was to hug her …………pulling her even more into my chest I locked an arm around her and stroked he hair, so??????? 

and that was all that happened until she fell asleep, then I discovered that I was now trapped in the bed with miss roving hands ……….. Could not move without waking her and so that was my first time sleeping with a naked girl………

Er………..perhaps I should point out that my cousin is 6 years old and her mother was sleeping the other side of the room in another bed with my cousins two other sisters ………

Well even at that young age I still think her morals are very poor to sleep with someone just because I shared an ice cream with her …………….

It ended up that I had to cuddle her all night ! everytime I stopped to get comfy she started to fidget ………… God I have had boyfriends that have needed less physical attention.

I still wonder what happened to my oranges …………. Sigh …………………..

Look just because I shower naked with a girl it does not mean I want to wear her panties!

As a girl you do know when you are being watched naked …

Its true you can sense eyes on you and you get the feeling that your bra size is being calculated

Thinking back to earlier this year remember I said I would tell you more of my trip home for Chinese New Year, so here it is.

As with the strange toilets that came as a culture shock so did other things………hell I am only a different colour on the outside I am Weston educated ……………… true I also have strange some very odd Non-Weston habits but those I blame on my Aunts that brought me up …………………..        

After the problems with wet toilets and trying to keep a dress dry I opted for that standard Chinese girl uniform which is a Tee with or without bra and a pair of shorts ……lucky my cousins are all the same size as I am, but then so is everyone ………so odd not having to get a chair to look someone in the eyes, so they lent me all the things I needed to blend in, the reason why a Tee can be worn with or without a bra is due to the thickness of material …..er how can I put this…………. The nipples don’t show ………like the bras, the cups are of a thick material, nipples should not be seen!   

(ho god for a change I could buy undies that fitted without feeling like a child playing dress up in their Moms clothes) 

 As was so pointed out (nipples pointed out ! get it ?.......... sorry)   to me only white women and prostitutes let guys see their nipples ………………. As to why ……well ask a white woman how should I know, perhaps proud of the size or something.

The shorts were normal as shorts go and not like the ones I saw in a Siam market…4 inches deep !!!!!!  like that is 8 cm …………I know the local girls are small but even they would have to shave before wearing something like that !

But must remember do not get close to Malay as they see your legs and will want to rape you ………

……… its TRUE !!! I read it in the newspaper a malay man arrested for rapeing a Chinese girl told the court that he thought she was a prostitute because of what she was wearing which was a Tee and shorts …………..er he did go to prison due to the fact she was only 14 ………….. but if she was 24 he may have got away with it

The races do not mix my name, religion (lack of) and colour make me a second class citizen, but that is better than being Indian as they are 3rd class citizens ……………. As to white people they are just foreign so no class as such …………….. as to being black ! no one and I mean not even Indians would live next to black people ……very few blacks about and as we all know those are drug dealers and pimps just in the country to kidnap girls for the sex trade…..

Isn’t life funny in the West there are laws to stop racism where as in the East we have laws to enforce it!  I cold tell you more but I will save it for a future blog.

Now I burn in sunlight ……….no not burst into flames ………. Not all vampires do that I just can not take strong sunlight. …………….. Which oddly is not a problem in SE Asia …..er………….. as no one goes out in the sun! its true again only white people go in the sun, Asians always walk and park in the shade ………….. we even have stick on or pull down blinds on the car windows ………… no not for the driver!......... stupid question ………baseball cap and sunglasses for the driver ………don’t forget we do not go for suntans ………….. the paler the skin the nicer you look ……….so my deathly pale completion was liked by all the family

And even my washing habits fitted in ……due to one of my crazy Aunts …….I have the habit of showering and change undies at least 3 times a day …….. Something which was pointed out as an oddity at Uni is normal here, all my distant relatives spend so much time in the shower it normally takes 4 hours to get ready to go out to eat …………

…… Yes again as my Aunt pointed out to me:    

 “you don’t want to smell like a white person now do you” ?

It is not true that all white people smell that is just stereotyping ………. Well yes a lot do smell but you can get used to it ………… and not all is body odour, well don’t forget just as Indians smell of curry,

Whites smell of Sour milk ………….. er ………you did not know?   ……sorry …………. Its alright not to me…………well I am used to it……., I mostly just notice the BO …….. but lots of my race do not take dairy products ………. So when someone takes lots of milk and cheese and butter etc…. well it must seep out of the pores …………. Look I am not a doctor if you don’t bath in the stuff you tell me why you smell of it then.?

Now the hotels were fantastic but when moving around the cousins you have to live like they do

…………. Ok ok ok Its just that I am not used to sleeping with other girls or taking my clothes off in front of others ………….. well I am not ………… I blog about all kinds of sexy stuff but it is all talk ………..

Ok if I was Japanese I would be used to being naked sharing hot tubs and hot springs with other girls ………….. but as I am not, so being naked in front of others is not normal for me……….. 

Again with the hotel you have lovely power shower, but as a race that has had showers for 3000 years this part of SE Asia is a little kinda pre 1,000 BC plumbing

To take a shower you enter a room with a drain in the centre, with a plastic cover over it ………………

The top of the wall does not join the ceiling and that is where a neon tube is located………….and the wild life lives, the door has a small plastic bolt which must be only for decoration as it bends and pops open when the door is pushed from the other side………… this means if I am too long a cousin will join me making it look like a start of a porno movie    

eck ….I thought I got past girlies showering together when I left high school …

Walls floor and ceiling are bare apart from the eyes watching me ……..yes as I remove my things and try and hang them on nipple shaped plugs in the wall ……

..I am being watched ……………… as I look around I see the peeping toms sticking tongues out with excitement ………….. Small lizards are walking up the wall …………. And they can run across a ceiling faster than you could ever hope to catch one ... Geako I think they are called.

Now my family hate them but I find them cute …………. They eat insects and that is mega cute to me………………… the problem is the toilet habits after they have eaten the insects ………

Two bottles with plungers containing two liquids

.1 is pink and for the hair and

1 is green and for the body and they both smell like cheap washing up liquid.

Now as for the shower Huh ! fitted to a wall with a dripping tap to fill it is a er……….. don’t know what to call, (urn?) it well it is plastic, blue and must hold 50 gallons of water ………….. floating on the top is a pale blue plastic bucket.

What you do is fill the bucket and pour it over you and that is called showering I call it frigging COLD !!!!!!

You stand in the room over a drain and rub washing up liquid all over the body and hair then pour buckets of water over yourself,    

it was at this stage I nearly screamed as a finger prods me in the butt as a cousin is now standing naked behind …………….. yes the plastic bolt was only for show ……she takes the bucket off me and insists on pouring it for me

Look you get the picture, you as you cover your chest with your arms and shiver someone pours a bucket of cold water over your head………………

If those lizards had a camera I would now be staring in some online porn magazine with a discreet title such as :

Hot and Horny Asian Chicks playing in the shower

Now at this point where all my male readers are getting the idea of two girls genteelly rubbing soap over each others naked bodies with some sensual music playing in the back ground …………………. Forget it ! ...............that sort of stuff does not happen in the real world ..........only in Guys dreams

That’s it nothing more, .........I just to grab my towel as a loud voice fills the room:

“AMY !! ask May if you can borrow some of her underwear as I have just put all of the things you left in the case in the wash, and tell her to hurry up as Uncle wants to shower next”  

Look just because I shower naked with a girl it does not mean I want to wear her panties!  and besides she is standing naked in front of me and can hear the one sided convesation as just as well as i can .......like how grown up would it sound if i shouted back in front of May that I did not want to wear May's spare undies..

And just why are they searching though my case to find washing, it is not that I would have packed dirty clothes.

At what point in my life will I even feel grown up?.

Geckos are lizards belonging to the family Gekkonidae, found in warm climates throughout the world. They range from 1.6 cm to 60 cm.

Geckos are unique among lizards in their vocalizations, making chirping sounds in social interactions with other geckos. Gekkonidae is the largest family of lizards, with over 2000 different species worldwide and many others likely yet to be discovered. The name stems from the Indonesian-Javanese word Tokek, inspired by the sound these animals make.
All geckos, excluding the Eublepharinae subfamily, have no eyelids and instead have a transparent membrane which they lick to clean. Many species will, in defense, expel a foul-smelling material and feces onto their aggressors. There are also many species that will drop their tails in defense, a process called autotomy. Many species are well known for their specialized toe pads that enable them to climb smooth and vertical surfaces, and even cross indoor ceilings with ease (one hypothesis explains the ability in terms of the van der Waals force). These antics are well-known to people who live in warm regions of the world, where several species of geckos make their home inside human habitations. These species (for example the House Gecko) become part of the indoor menagerie and are often welcome guests, as they feed on insects, including mosquitoes.
The largest species, the Kawekaweau, is only known from a single, stuffed specimen found in the basement of a museum in Marseille, France, and one documented sighting in the wild in 1870. This gecko was 60 cm (24 in) long and it was endemic to New Zealand, where it lived in native forests. It was probably wiped out along with much of the native fauna of these islands in the late 19th century, when new invasive species such as rats and stoats were introduced to the country during European colonization. The smallest gecko, the Jaragua Sphaero, is a mere 1.6 cm long and was discovered in 2001 on a small island off the coast of the Dominican Republic.^[2]

Common traits

Geckos come in various patterns and colors such as purple, pink, blue, and black, and are among the most colorful lizards in the world.
Some are subtly patterned and somewhat rubbery looking, while others are brightly colored. Some species can change color to blend in with their environment or with particular temperatures. Some species are parthenogenic, which means the female is capable of reproducing without copulating with a male. This improves the gecko's ability to spread to new islands. However, in a situation where a single female gecko populates an entire island, the island will suffer from a lack of genetic variation within the geckos that inhabit it. The gecko's mating call sounds like a shortened bird chirping which attracts males, when they are around. This allows a female to reproduce with more genetic variation, by using sexual reproduction instead of asexual.

[edit] Adhesion Ability

Close-up of the underside of a gecko's foot as it walks on vertical glass

The toes of the gecko have a special adaptation that allows them to adhere to most surfaces without the use of liquids or surface tension. The spatula tipped setae on gecko footpads allow attractive forces called van der Waals interactions to arise between the adhesive setae and the surface. One study suggested that capillary adhesion might play a role^[3], but that hypothesis has been rejected by more recent studies^{[4] [5] [6]}.
These van der Waals interactions involve no fluids; in theory, a boot made of synthetic setae would adhere as easily to the surface of the International Space Station as it would to a living room wall, although adhesion varies with humidity^{[5] [6]}. The setae on the feet of geckos are also self cleaning and will usually remove any clogging dirt within a few steps.^[7][8] Teflon, which has very low van der Waals forces,^[9] is more difficult for geckos to adhere to than many other surfaces.
Geckos' toes seem to be "double jointed", but this is a misnomer. Their toes actually bend in the opposite direction from our fingers and toes. This allows them to overcome the van der Waals force by peeling their toes off surfaces from the tips inward. In essence, this peeling action alters the angle of incidence between millions of individual setae and the surface, reducing the Van der Waals force. Geckos' toes operate well below their full attractive capabilities for most of the time. This is because there is a great margin for error depending upon the roughness of the surface, and therefore the number of setae in contact with that surface.

Uroplatus fimbriatus clinging to glass.

Use of small van der Waals attraction force requires very large surface areas: every square millimeter of a gecko's footpad contains about 14,000 hair-like setae. Each seta has a diameter of 5 micrometers. Human hair varies from 18 to 180 micrometers, so a human hair could hold between 3 and 36 setae. Each seta is in turn tipped with between 100 and 1,000 spatulae.^[7] Each spatula is 0.2 micrometer long^[7] (one five-millionth of a meter), or just below the wavelength of visible light.^[10]
If a typical mature 70 g (2.5 oz) gecko had every one of its setae in contact with a surface, it would be capable of holding aloft a weight of 133 kg (290 lb):^[11] each spatula can exert an adhesive force of 10 nanonewtons (0.0010 mgf)^[12]. Each seta can resist 10 milligrams-force (100 µN), which is equivalent to 10 atmospheres of pull.^[7] This means a gecko can support about eight times its weight hanging from just one toe on smooth glass.^[7]

 No Home Should Be Without One

I have seen you naked !

I have seen you naked !

Yes well before we get onto that I have only ever had two bad reviews on my book and this is the worst one, so just to prove as an author I do not hide bad reviews from you.  I will of course make comments on the review as I am hard to shut up even at the best of times.

The book was fair. It was a little too free with the talk of sex, which isn't something I was really expecting from it. Like, sex being okay on the first date. I might be a prude, or my morals are just different.. but that was pretty off-putting for me. 

Now this must be from someone who has never read my blogs …..and believe me compared to my blog the book is veryyyyyyyyyy mild on the subject of sex, and no it is not just me saying it take a look at this video clip review on the book.

What it says about dating is that unlike human girls are a different species and like normal creatures we can only get pregnant when on heat which happens about once every 10 to 20 years.

Where as with humans rabbits come and take lessons from what they get up to!

So sex is not so important an issue with us apart from the turned undead vampires …………ex humans …….. heck these are the ones you see in vampire movies and jump on the first guy they see after getting turned ………… personally I think a bit sluttish but as long as I don’t have to step over them doing it, then who am I to complain.  

A few lines were repeated occasionally, such as the mention of cats being higher rank than her.

Yes at the start under my status and also I expect under C for cat, plus a drawing of my Tarquin looking soooooooo cute in a jumper my aunt knitted him. No fur so he gets cold poor thing.  

I noticed at least one editorial error. 

Yes at least one and someone else said they found two, which with my spelling is almost a miracle of perfection

It was an all right book, that being the case.. I have read better written fanfiction.

Ok can’t say anything on this as I am not even sure what fanfiction is so looked it up and added the meaning to the end of this blog .............. er no as I am the author and not writting about another authors work it is not fanfiction unless i am a fan of myself?

It's probably something that would get by with sex-crazed teenagers, but I prefer something with a little more substance is all.

Ho yes ! sex crazed teenagers is just who it is aimed at !so I got that bit correct.

As to a little more substance ? from a book with a title of “A Girls Guide to being a Vampire”  ho well all I can say is please read my book it is funny giving the reader lots of the odd rules a vampire as to follow and has some sexual innuendo as it talks about the same stuff teens talk of.  

Now today I have found some funny little video clips talking about guys dicks, and no I do not want any more pics of them.

  

A Woman's Perspective on Penis Pics

A Woman's Perspective on Penis Size, Part 2

Some folk on Facebook are a little weird one left me a comment that he has seen me naked, er………. Even my cartoonist has at most only seen me in a two piece swimming costume, ho and she did a lovely one of me on a beach which I have had framed.

“I Have Seen You Naked”  Yes this comment was posted by a wanker …………. And he even sent me proof of being a wanker!  Yes you guessed I had yet another pic of a dick sent to me.

What is it with guys and taking photos of their dicks and then posting them to girls they don’t even know …………… perhaps its a new technological age flasher movement. 

It really is a mistake to think sending me a dick pic is a way to pull a girl, not again I thought, just another guy trying to impress me ……er…….. it has a subtext on size! Like if that is 14cm I think he needs to buy a new ruler, either that or he must have hands the size of a gorilla ! 

Like it does not do anything for me apart from prove to me that he is a wanker …………. Heck he just sent me a photo to prove it !………………. so wanker is that it? That is your idea of romance? Send me a dick pic with your hands on it yep you’re a wanker all right.

Look at the film clips, what she says in the film is so true, to impress a girl send her chocolates or at least a copy of your bank balance, in any case all dicks in my company should be looking like a bald headed guy wearing a roll top jumper, if not then the owner must be gay.

To finish off look at what I have found under dicks in Islam ……….Youtube has a lot to answer for ………….

Just how can this be real ……..just listen to what is being said and then tell me if some religious books really don't need to updated.

Wife must comply to husband's sexual desires

 

Fan fiction meaning from Wickipeadia

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Contents [hide] 1 History 1.1 Precursors 1.2 Modern phenomenon 1.3 Japanese dōjinshi 2 Categories and types 2.1 Relationship to canon 2.2 Romantic or sexual pairings 2.3 Genres and tropes 2.3.1 Kinks 2.4 Crossovers 2.5 Length 2.6 Ratings 3 Story creation in the online era 4 Interactivity in the online era 5 Legality 6 See also 7 References 7.1 Notes 8 Further reading 9 External links

Fan fiction (alternately referred to as fanfiction, fanfic, FF, or fic) is a broadly-defined term for fan labor regarding stories about characters (or simply fictional characters) or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than by the original creator. Works of fan fiction are rarely commissioned or authorized by the original work's owner, creator, or publisher; also, they are almost never professionally published. Because of this, many fanfics written often contain a disclaimer stating that the creator of the fanfic owns none of the characters. Fan fiction, therefore, is defined by being both related to its subject's canonical fictional universe and simultaneously existing outside the canon of that universe.^[1] Most fan fiction writers assume that their work is read primarily by other fans, and therefore tend to presume that their readers have knowledge of the canon universe (created by a professional writer) in which their works are based.
Media scholar Henry Jenkins explains the correlation between transmedia storytelling and fan fiction:

The encyclopedic ambitions of transmedia texts often results in what might be seen as gaps or excesses in the unfolding of the story: that is, they introduce potential plots which can not be fully told or extra details which hint at more than can be revealed. Readers, thus, have a strong incentive to continue to elaborate on these story elements, working them over through their speculations, until they take on a life of their own. Fan fiction can be seen as an unauthorized expansion of these media franchises into new directions which reflect the reader's desire to "fill in the gaps" they have discovered in the commercially produced material.^[2]

Paranormal Romance Guild book review on Vampire books

Just had a book review by the Paranormal Romance Guild, not the best of reviews but then as a kinda negative review it is not that bad.

Everyone and I mean everyone sees something different when reading a book, remember when at school you had to analyze a book plot and well my ideas were never the same as the teachers ……………….. or other students ……..er……. or the authors …………… but then I always scored well on creative thinking.

I found the same problem at University and remember attending a weird save the world uni group, I was the only one that supported killing off sections of the populations so that we could feed the rest ……… er…. So? Well it would work ………….. I did not say it would be popular but nor is taxation.

Well here is the book review and yes I know as an author you should not comment on someone’s review but heck I wrote the darn thing so if anyone should have a say it me!

As I said as a negative review it not too bad anyway I have added a few helpful comments so read on:

Amy Mah is a teen vampire, and she has compiled an A to Z journal of what the rules are for teenage vampires. If I were a teenaged vampire, I’m sure this journal would be extremely helpful. Since I’m not – not so much. My impression is this is what a spoiled rich kid would sound like if she were a vampire.

Er Vampire …top of the food chain, and an Alpha female at that, so a far superior creature compared to turnlings and Famula, etc so reading it as a human a spoiled rich kid sums it up well, and yes being a human reviewer can be a problem, but try not to worry too much not everyone can be at the top of the food chain. 

With topics starting with Abomination (a swear word used to insult another vampire), Age, Alpha (top Vamps, best families – they rule the place) and ending with X-abilities (flying, having a tail and just racial memories), Yawn (fastest way to extend your fangs) and Zombies (Zombies, Werewolves and Vampires do not hang out together) – they have nothing in common.

Ms. Mah leads the reader through all the important facts a girl vampire needs to know to be successful living the vamp life. Per Ms. Mah, whose full vampire name is: Lady Amelia, Mistress of the Night Mare and Alpha Female from the Family of the Pink Bat, she was raised in the human world and not discovered and adopted by the Pink Bat family until she was a teen. Hence the journal, so that she could remember all the rules.

True, so true, you would not believe the trouble you can get into by biting one of the human security team that protects the nest in daylight hours, it is like having a chocolate placed on your tongue and told to ignore it, like that’s going to happen.  

The topic is definitely cute but I found it difficult to become involved in all the rules and regs, since there was no background other than the above for Ms. Mah.

Weeeeeeeee I love the idea of being a cute vampire, O just the topic not me .er……sorry ….ok read on

I’ve read many books that provide background on characters and the whys and why not’s of their actions, but I’ve always had an interest and an imagined investment in that character. If I had read a story about how Amy was raised by humans who thought she was anemic or had a blood disorder, the journal would have been more interesting, because I would want to know more about Amy because I liked her character. As it is, there are a lot of snippets of information on her life and pictures of relatives, friends and fashions but I’m not able to connect the dots into any kind of plot.

You have got your wish, this book is on all the funny rules and regulations hehehehe this book has no plot as it is a guide book, hence the title: A Girls guide to being a vampire ……but my next work fills in all the background as it is a full novel and not a guide like this one, the Novel is called “The Night Eternal” and will give you the reason why this book is so needed when dealing with other vampires. ………………. Er… and why good fitting underwear is needed.

The film clip is from Blood:The Last Vampire - Saya Fight Scene ……………. As I have always said vampires are not nice, and fights like this shows why a a nice vampire girl needs good cumfy undies ……you try doing this sort of thing in a THONG!

The topics are all great/funny but I’m not sure of the age group this is intended to reach. I definitely think any reader should be at least 16 and over. There are sexual references, comments about being in heat (that’s how they get pregnant) killing humans for their identity and human pets (converted humans who become sexual slaves and later become maids – Famula, after their vamp master gets tired of them). Depending on the reader, some of this could be offensive.

Age? Well everyone tells me it is young adult reading but then that covers readers up into the early 20s check my review page http://www.fangsrule.com/review.htm you will see what 13 year old girls write and say about it, it is so much to do with the culture background of the reader, sex is only hinted, not all adults notice the innuendo but teenagers do……….. so far no one has complained about the section on arranged marriages in vamp society and the dominance of the male in the family….being born in SE Asia my cultural views also come into play and yes where I was born it is very normal to have maids.

There were a few typos but nothing bothersome. The font (a handwriting font) was difficult to work through, but I do understand that this is for a younger reader and it would not bother them. The illustrations are very well done and provide some imagery for the topics.

Ho God yes, I found only one typo myself after it was printed but knowing my writing I am sure a few could be hiding.  

This would definitely be enjoyable for some readers; it simply did not capture my interest.

Never mind you can’t like everything you read, and my book is not the normal run of the mill type of book to read ……………………  And you still have my novel to look forward to ……………….

Reviewed by Charleen Bailey

Member of the Paranormal Romance Guild

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