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Bras that give you BIG BOOBS !!!!!!!!

Bras and Boobs

Ok what is it? Why am I getting these adverts sent to me?

These have just popped up on my facebook page adverts section and it seams Facebook is  saying ……………..

…………… Amy Mah is in need of help in the boob dept !   

Well thank you for your concern facebook advertising dept but no, I am quite happy with what I have, they may not win any size records, but hell they are real and natural looking !!!!!

OK so I don’t fall over every time I stand up but they are fine………….so they would be it you did not keep sending me these adverts and making me so self conscious  !

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My book trailer :::::::::::::::

Sex on an Aircraft

We all remember the adds about the wonder bra ……………. When I first saw one it ran away and hid under the counter knowing that with my assets it would have to work far too hard to make any difference………….. But has anyone seen this?

It is called a     ……….. Miracle body-shaper ………and it promises perfect hour-glass figure

Does your tummy look more Christmas pud than pancake flat? You could always invest in Ultimo's latest body-shaping underwear, which claims to increase your chest by two cup sizes - and slim down the waist and stomach.

Described as the world's most advanced underwear.

The V-shape body also features a thong bottom to avoid visible lines and perspex straps for wearing under revealing party dresses.

Has anyone tried one?.............  up two cup sizes? ………. So I can at long last move up from preteen tops and trainer bras!................ok…….. ok ….an exaggeration ………...but over developed I am not ……………. ……..

Well the button thong is a good idea I have worn things that have put me on a waterless diet for fear of ever succeeding in getting a fashionably item off in time before I find out if it is waterproof or not ………….. some washrooms have such tiny cubicles that for the nose you are making getting everything off in a hurry..well ………. it sounds like you are practicing for the mile high club,,,…………..  Mile high club? ……….. Er ……..that’s means having sex on an aircraft over 1 mile high and in the tiny washroom cubicle it can not be fun ………….No I Have Not………Or Plan to!   Before you ask!!!  Just what would happen if you got pregnant?   My maid Bambi was conceived while her parents watched (er….didn’t watch) the Disney film of the same name. Just what would you name the child?  PanAir 747 economy class?  Just think how they would suffer at school.   

Click here........>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm

Breaking in a new bra.

Breaking in a new bra.

A bra should be comfortable the instant you put it on, it is not like a horse you should not need to break it in…………… heck it not that I have that much to go in it!

First time on and I now have a spot where the right strap digs in at the back… and it hurts………. Why the heck get a spot there? …………. Anywhere else on the back would have been fine.

The first person to say hormones, I will bite them! .ok!

Also comments like you need some sunshine will get a similar response:

1. It is January.

2. I am a vampire…………. Sun bathing is not one of our normal activities ………. Ok? …………… stupid…………..

I have said it once I will say it again why the heck doesn’t a girls body come with a manual.

If it was not for Google search I would spend most of my time pinning a doctor to the wall by his dick and snarling ‘ What do you mean mood swings are normal, and What mood swings, I DON’T HAVE MOOD SWINGS!!!!’

Why was the bra designed by a man! A woman would know what it should do better than any man…………… only a man would fit all the controls on the back!

And don’t start me off on invisible straps, it just means clear plastic and red lines as they cut into the flesh.

Buying a bra always reminds me of two girl shopping and as one girl tries on a very expensive bra she asks her friend what she thinks and the friend says it looks perfect for tonight’s party…………..where as the first girl says “Yes but will it make all the men admire me……….. will it attract the man of my dreams …………… will he scope me up in his arm and ask me to marry him?………..will he want me to have his children? …………..”

The friend thinks hard then answers………I  think you are asking a awful lot from a bra ……….. er  ………shall we start with comfort first ……… .how does it feel?.  

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Just because I am a vampire it does not mean I don’t do girl shopping and now with 24hr shopping vampires can join in searching for bargains in the new year sales during the hours of darkness.

Took my maid BAMBI with me as I and still not allowed out un chaperoned,  I have told you about her before she is a turnling ……….ex-human ……….. like shes Undead ok what humans think all vampire are, fangs and boobs……….. never ageing and with a hair style that stays looking perfect even in a force 10 gale…. Makes you sick don’t it............... er well nearly .......... You have the same hairstyle as on the day you died and Bambi ........... well Bambi was gonig to have her hair done the next day.............. er .............too late.......... her picture is below: 

Why called Bambi? …….well she says it was because she was conceived during a Walt Disney film of the same name in a drive in theatre and who am I to question that, if it has to be anywhere then during a drive in Walt Disney film is as good a time and place as any. 

Any way she loves going shopping as it means freedom from the nest for a few hours, plus she like the way I leave my purse on full display on top of the shopping waiting for some guy to snatch it and run off  …………….. it is always so much fun to build up an appetite chasing ones lunch and I let her join in, it is a rush as we cant be seen eating in public so we both spend the rest of the time shopping trying not to burp.

Thinking of things as we shop took my mind to a gift I had recently from my Aunt……. As I was complaining about all my underwear having small pink bats on them she got me a pack of something called Collage Girl Specials…………….. A pack of 5 panties with days of the week on them …………….. Er…………. Why five? ……….what am I to do on Saturday and Sunday!!!  …………….

As to why have days of the week on them………...What is the point? ……….. if I don’t know what day it is I will ask someone and not life up my skirt to check !!!!!!!!!

If the manufactures wanted to be really helpful then they would print numbers and do a pack of 31 as knowing days of the month is far more useful to a girl than knowing days of the week! …………

BAMBI

Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

And sometime the question is how!

All girls know that when buying a bra it should come with free yoga classes!

Heck first it is the struggle to do them up and then struggle to then get them comfy ……….. all controls being placed at the back …out of sight and sometimes out of reach!

If it was just that then I wouldn’t moan so much …………. But what about zips !!!!

You name the hardest parts of your body to reach and some smart arse designed will place a zip there! 

Look I am a vampire not a monkey ! 12 inches of zip running down your back takes two hands, a flexible spine and a great deal of imagination to find let alone undo.

Males only ever have the maximum of two zips to deal with…………. One placed near where there hands go to scratch and the other under the chin on some tops………. So easy to remember, everything is between chin and dick, and if they still can’t find them they can look in a mirror! ……………… all other zips fitted in Males clothes are just for decoration as no Male will ever use them.

Zips on female trousers can be anywhere, side or even at the back! Ok so you get nice a smooth look at the front but it forces you to sit on a chuck of metal at the back.

Just don’t get me started on sizes or changing rooms I can come out of a changing room take a look in a mirror and still hear by aunts comments from childhood……… It looks lovely dear, it’s the only size they have and I expect you will grow into it !! ……… school kids can be very cruel on a girl trying hard to grow into her clothes.

So to finish off I would just like to say I have just finished putting on my skin tight one piece fighting suit and true it looks very sexy but would like to say to the designer that I am dying to go to the bathroom and I still have not worked out how to get out of it without using a can opener……………. I am now reading the instructions to see if it is water proof !!!!