Getting paid to go on a Date Wearing a Short Skirt and No Panties

Getting paid to go on a Date Wearing a Short Skirt and No Panties

Moan ! yes I am moaning again, waiting for you all to buy my book FANGS RULE means I am having to take on two jobs just to eat………and I am now thinking about the idea that some girl had in Singapore………….. She advertised on the internet that she was available for dates and meal with strangers and she promised to wear a short skirt and no panties……….. well Singapore is a hot country……………….and ………… look some guy will pay you to go for a meal with him without wearing panties, and that will get him all excited?....(god that is Sad)........And just that, nothing else……….. like you are not also on the menu? ……………. That does sound a win/win situation ………a free meal and a less laundry to do.

I will first need to buy a good uplifting bra…………. SHUT UP !!!!!! ……… I’m Chinese Asian …big boobed we are not…………… OK so I don’t fall over every time I try to stand up like some western women but they are fine…and REAL !!!

This advert may be useful:

Now the lower part I have no worries about as I have a cute butt …..well I do ……how do I know?…well……….I HAVE BEEN TOLD !.................... ok so mostly by old men, but they are male …er……..just ……………. So it still counts ………..

And women like to rub my butt ………….. er….now that sounds odd……… well its true……….all this stress of being poor and you readers not buying my book ……….My book is like my blog ..I poke fun at everything ….and where I blatantly point out how stupid you humans are on my blog in my book I have ……….. well …actually I say the same things but make it subtle so if you are a stupid human male you will not even notice that I am making fun of you

………..hehehehehehehehe…. but your daughter    …  girlfriend or wife will……………… heheheheheheeh  …………….

If it was not for Eve in the Garden of Eden you would still all be sitting up in trees scratching your balls

Butt Rubbing? ……………… well I went for a sports massage and …..well there one is laying face down on a table wearing just a smile and a towel covering ones butt.

Look if she is going to put her hands under the towel to massage baby oil into ones cute posterior …like what’s the point of it being covered with a towel.

And when I visited Thailand I booked this woman that did not speak English to came to my hotel room and give me a special Thai all over body massage ………. Of course again just wearing a towel ……….what is it with being female meaning we are happy to get naked around other females ………… and ………….ick ………it was all over ……… like that was the day I discovered that I was not going to take up Lesbianism …………….. with her the Butt was only a start ……….she massaged my inside thighs! ……like why? …….in my book that is listed under foreplay………  I have never had my inner thighs massaged before and I had hoped the first time it would have been by a cute guy………………

At this point all the male readers are sniggering …………….. hahaha …………. No all it did was to prove two things………

1:  I am ticklish there, yes very ticklish so I have crossed it off my future foreplay demands  and 

2:  Having some Thai woman going anywhere near ones private parts is certainly not relaxing.

What happened next? Well I gave her a very large tip and quickly showed her out…….

 So yes I have a nice Butt …………..

But this is still not selling my books ……………. Look it up and read the reviews …here I will give you a review link…………………. Its good!!!!!!!

SO BUY IT !!!!!!!

It’s in paper at the moment but soon it will also be on kindle and ebook …………. I think the paper book is better value but if you must try and be cheap then get the Electronic one…… but buy something !!!!!!

Paper book cover and digital book cover:

REVIEWS CLICK HERE

http://www.fangsrule.com/review.htm

I do need to sell some book so please buy one ………………. See I am honest with what I and doing ………..and if you don’t I will rip off one of your arms and hit you with the soggy end ……………… But not very patient ………………

See how nice a vampire I am ………….. I have a cat to feed and a mortgage on my cave ………so buy a book or don’t ever go out at night again !!!!!!!!!!

HERE IS A LINK:

http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm

This is what other authors do to get people to buy their books ……..no I did not make these up they are real and appeared on a bookclub website asking people to pass them on, so I have......she sounds very unlucky …………… hum……….. and gets more per book than I do !

Ok, Ok I will trust her over the cancer but 50,000 stolen copies $241,500.00. …………. I have read the book and ………….. well I learnt a lot on gynecology from the first chapter rape,  and one really needs to use a mirror to check some of the finer details out !

The bad language used was a little ……….. well some words I had to look up ………..but that is the fault of my upbringing ……and not the authors………..

As I said I hope it is all true and if you are going to help her then please also think of my poor staving cat ……………….

And how hungry I could be when I meet you on one dark lonely night …………………..

This is from http://www.goodreads.com/ ..........................

"I found out today that I have cervical cancer. My insurance wil pay for all but 2600.00. I have to pay the rest of it in advance before they'll start the treatment. I have severe rhumitoid arthritis and live on disability. The only way I have to make the money i need for treatment is to sell the book i authored, the Undead Heart, for sell on amazon in hard cover and Kindle and barnes and noble for nook. My royalties are only 4.83 per bokk sold so I would need to sell 534 book to get the money I need and I don;t have long to do it. The Kindle and nook prices are 6.99 and the amazon hard copy is 18.86. I have a 15 year old son and I don't want to die. You can find the book detal and how to read a kindle book at http://www.thebloodthirstseries.weebly.c.../

The Undead Heart is weitten by Tate Jackson

I wrote The Undead Heart (the first book in The Blood Thirst Series) and a few days ago I found out I was ROBBED! I worked for months writing the book and have gotten some really great reviews but noticed that more people were reading it than copies sold. A friend called and told me to look up The Undead Heart torrent and that I wouldn't believe what I found. She was right, I was shocked! Someone had taken my book and uploaded it on a torrent site to be given away for free! It spread from there to many other torrent sites as well. After some investigation we found that The Undead Heart has been illegally downloaded over 50,000 times. I'm not a rich or famous author. All the money that went into publishing The Undead Heart came out of my pocket and now I have nothing but lose to show for it. It's unfair and unstoppable! As far as profits are concerned it breaks down like this: The Undead Heart e-book is for sale on Kindle and Nook for $6.99 per copy. My royalty is $4.83 per copy sold. If the 50,000 illegal downloads had been legally purchased it would have netted me a profit of $241,500.00. Instead, I got nothing. I can't begin to describe how hurt, angry and disappointed I felt when I discovered this theft. To have someone take a piece of you and just give it away to everyone is incomprehensible! Blood Thirst (the second book in the series)is completed and nearly ready to be released. Because of the theft I actually consider not publishing the last 2 books in the series. My friends said they understand my anger but to not publish the next book would be unfair to the people who did legal purchase The Undead Heart and who were so kind with their comments and reviews. I don't know what to do! I'm sure I will publish Blood Thirst but would love to hear the thoughts and advise from the group! What would you do? Please feel free to repost this wherever you like! Advice and comments can also be sent to bloodthirstseries@yahoo.com

Love Always,
Tate Jackson

money money money

Naked Big Busted female vampires bouncing about in old Castles

Naked Big Busted female vampires bouncing about in old Castles

How many times have I got to say this it is only the turned female vampires (ex-humans and now undead) Hollywood style that have perfect boobs and like to go around wearing a thin see-through nightdress with no panties.

Normal vampire like me……. well we like to wear clothing and with how cold the caves or castles are thick clothing!

My flannelette Nightdress could only be deemed see-through if you have x-ray vision!  

So the idea of beds containing naked vampires in old castles is only for the movies, er.......... castles the same as caves are cold, damp and draughty at the best of times and they are like very cold in winter!

Shall I put it another way, vampires are not always the best of company when they are happy so it is best not to meet one with a cold !

I have checked with my family and the only vampire I know that wears a night shirt for sleeping is my Uncle, his sister my Aunt wears more in bed than see does during the day including a layer of cats which join her in bed!

My boyfriend ‘Max’ says he only wears a smile in bed and I can come and check anytime !

But his sister my bestie friend ‘Ice’ says he wears a smelly old Tee and shorts which their Mom has threatened to burn if he forgets to put out to wash again.

She, that is Ice and not her Mom wears a top and shorts in bed, myself if anyone is interested I wear PJs and in winter a flannelette nightdress over them, plus I also keep my underwear on as my bedroom is cold, unless Bambi my maid sleeps with me, then we can cuddy up together.

Look ! how many times must I repeat myself, just because guys can’t sleep together or it can mean them playing a game of hide the sausage, it does not mean that being a girl sleeping with anther girl makes you a lesbian, sometimes it just means the bedrooms are DARN COLD ! Plus if you sleep with your maid she can act as a midnight snack …………. Well getting out of bed to go walking about bare footed on ice cold floors just makes you colder still by having to stop and take a piss……yes the cold also does that to a vampires bladder …. And having Marble toilets sound so exotic until you get your butt frozen onto one! ……the first to laugh I will bite OK !!!  

If you want to know more about my cute butt………. Well you will have to buy my book! ….hehehehehe ….it is fully illustrated and I do mean FULLY illustrated……

Ho yes I do tell Max (boyfriend) that I always sleep in the nude ……. hehehe .....as it will give him something to dream about !!!! ………. Guys can have such vivid imaginations at times …………

Eva's Sanctuary: Guest Post with Author Amy Mah Vampire

Eva's Sanctuary: Guest Post with Author Amy Mah Vampire: "It is with a great deal of pleasure that I am having author, Amy Mah vampire on my blog today. This young vampire holds a place very near an..."


More about this book........click here

Come take your Clothes off Amy Mah is having an Event

Hi all

I'm having a face book event !!!!!!    click here Face Book Event

Sorry I am keeping my clothes on but it still will be fun ........and .......well you can always take yours off.............. er.............if you dont mind the laughter from the other visitors.......... hehehehehe

Had a nice book review on youtube .............. take a look

So slowly people are discovering my little book of life as a teenage vampire.

If you have a blog and would also like to review my book please contact me at amymahvampire@aol.com

Want to know more? and see lots of manga art on my book? then  please click here FANGS RULE

Amy Mah (Vampire)

God V The Chickens (the vampire explanation)

God V The Chickens (the vampire explanation)

OK you humans are so odd ………….like what has the poor chicken ever done to upset all your Deities of today?      

Well not so much upset as picked upon, you get all sorts of rules on what animals you can not eat as they are either unclean or holy … be it pigs…..cows……..shell fish…….snakes…….things that crawl on their belly ……….and even flies……………ok the fly one did take me by surprise and I got it from a documentary of religion ………

Along with what foot to use going into a toilet ……….. And with my experience of Asian toilets …….Well I rather not use either foot and just cross my legs…………… Look just what god is so bored that he is going to watch what foot I use to enter a toilet? And if he ………yes it is always a he ……… then wants to watch me take a piss !!! there must be rules for the correct way to do that as well ……….then that is one sure way to get himself an unholy reputation.

But back to the poor chicken, it should be born wearing a tee shirt saying EAT ME !!

See the gods pick on it and it is so unfair! ……..Like what has it done to upset the gods so much? …………… Thou shalt not eat swine as they are unclean……….. But chicken is ok and so at the same time please sacrifice one for me with extra BBQ sauce ……… as last time in was a bit tasteless …………..well just tasted a bit like chicken………….. ho yes and do it as a sacrificial take out so I can eat while watching the toilets………………

Well of course you humans all have it wrong ……………we vampires have the true god and we have holy books to prove it !

God loves us so much he ……..yes it is always a he……… like why ?………..

Has given us an ever expanding supply of food, which breeds faster than we can cull it ……………… er…………..yes I did say cull……… we are not the ones destroying the planet by over population.

Now stop complaining to me ……… It’s nothing to do with me …….. It is all written down in the holy book so has to be true ! …..God would not have let it be printed if it was not true …ergo ………. Look I can show you the page !

We are at the top of the food chain so ……….er……………ok along with cockroaches and some types of virus ………but we are the favoured ones not you ……………..  Again just read our holy book and you will soon know your place ……………. 

Just listen to the holy words  ………….. And I will make your food bountiful as you are the chosen ones ………..

See !................ what did I tell you…………..

It is full of stuff like that …………………… mind you not so happy with sections in the holy book like this………….

It is the female’s duty to raise her tail upon a males lawful needs and be submissive when the male wishes to use her body as that is good and holy …………….

Ho well if god says so ……….sigh ……….. What can a female vampire do ?………………

Mind you I do worry about some of the foot notes and think some male could have added them without god’s permission like it does not sound so godly when a footnote says………..

And she shall make appreciative sounds when he uses her body and not complain if he fails to satisfy her or points out to him that 1 min 45 seconds was not worth her raising the tail for,  it is her holy duty and besides he probably had a hard day at the office and nothing at all to do with the hot new secretary he has just turned.

But there you have it ………just a normal holy book.

Ho yes and we are also allowed to eat chicken …….but no tree frogs at a full moon ………….. And yes I have never eaten a tree frog at full moon as I am a good religious little vampire.    

And lastly being a good little vampire girl I could not stop you requesting that I raise my tail to you as is my duty …..but I should point out that if you ask such a thing my Uncle has also read the holy book and says he found a section giving him every right to strip you naked, cover you in honey and then stick your head deep into an ants nest ……………

I’m sorry but I thought I should warn you my uncle is very devout at times.

Click here .................. http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm

About my blog .......if anyone wants to know it is all true .......about which foot to use stepping in to a toilet ………....er ………..its the left..........and you must also spit out a fly which goes in the mouth ..... ho yes and it is also sinful for a female to pee standing ........... God only designed male to do that...... huh ......I wish he also designed a male that puts down the toilet seat after using it....................

So does God watch you take a piss .......er..........just to make sure you sit down? .............. and would you really want to worship a god that watches girls take a piss? ....................

How about a god that hangs about toilets seeing what foot you use to go in ? ................ er……………is this just me or is someone making stuff up in the holy books? ...................... God i am a good girl and I sit down to piss and don’t eat flies…....now can I go to heaven?......

Now to as where people read my blogs ……. Yes I can see you ! …………. USA is always East and West Coast ……..a lot in San Francisco …………. So my humour must be democratic …and not republican ………………

Lots in Europe ………hi to my German fans !! 

None in China …….am I blocked? …………………….. but little hot spots all over the Muslim world  ….expats?…………… or am I used as a warning in schools  for males not to listen to females ………………

Sex and the female vampire …………. No matter what species you are a relationship with the opposite sex is always a problem …………….

Sex and the female vampire …………. No matter what species you are a relationship with the opposite sex is always a problem …………….

I know it is my fault …..sigh…….. but then again it is always my fault ………….. I am just waiting for someone to blame me for the increase in oil prices ……. So before anyone says anything ………yes I am sorry it is my fault petrol is going up in price…………..  ok happy now?

Now if I was a lesbian life would be easier …well I would know what everything did……… er ….ok I would know what ……….. most things did on a female body …………..  and heck if I did not then I could practice on my own in advance ……………..  sigh ……. But no I am a good girl ……….and good girls do not do such things or your teeth will all drop out ……..er…..never did understand that ………..but so much stuff from my childhood is the reason why I am like I am….and yes I still have all my own teeth so that proves I am a good clean leaving vampire girl and have fangs to prove it……………

Ok so it was not all my fault …….he was also to blame …………….. I believe in having a nice romantic date with a guy …….all normal stuff when out with a guy he has to be er…well ………er………. Tall , Rich and Hung like a Horse.. ……… see just the normal stuff that any girl would want for a date.

And a date means …..Chocolates …….Flowers …and a very Expensive Meal ………………it does not mean waving something in front of my face and then complain when I bite it!  ……………I can still hear the screams now ………..well I was hungry and as I said chocolate ………..Flowers and a very Expensive Meal first………..then perhaps I would just and taken a look and burst out laughing ……….. Well I not a doctor why the heck show me in the first place unless it is for amusement. …next time he could just tell a joke …………. And besides when you date a vampire and her tummy begins to make noises ……..it means Chocolates …….Flowers …and a very Expensive Meal ……………and very quickly or expect to be the first course on the menu  !!!

Relationships are always a problem …….sigh……………..

Bras that give you BIG BOOBS !!!!!!!!

Bras and Boobs

Ok what is it? Why am I getting these adverts sent to me?

These have just popped up on my facebook page adverts section and it seams Facebook is  saying ……………..

…………… Amy Mah is in need of help in the boob dept !   

Well thank you for your concern facebook advertising dept but no, I am quite happy with what I have, they may not win any size records, but hell they are real and natural looking !!!!!

OK so I don’t fall over every time I stand up but they are fine………….so they would be it you did not keep sending me these adverts and making me so self conscious  !

CLICK BELOW FOR MORE

My book trailer :::::::::::::::

A girls boobs and the pencil test

A girls boobs and the pencil test

We used to do this when changing at school and I was telling a friend about the famous pencil test and she never heard of it ……………but ever girl must have done this test at school!!!!!

One of the few times a girl can be proud of a smaller bust………….. and hell it was fun to point out to the girls that failed that they must have been grouped by lots of boys to be so saggy to fail………………….

……….. Girls can be so mean at school ………….

Hell if you think that was bad you should have seen what happened to girls joining special groups ………..the initiation test always had some thing about being naked in public ……..if you were lucky if would be in a public park at midnight ….if not then its a paper bag with eye holes over the head for a campus sprint and just be glad you didn’t have any recognizable tattoos

Who says school was not fun ………………… I still break out in a cold sweat thinking of it!

There is an test which is said to accurately test the firmness of a woman's breasts. The test is unbiased, easy to conduct, requires no special equipment, is painless, and let's face it, you're curious.

Instructions

Remove your shirt and bra and stand with your back perfectly straight. For the most accurate results stand with your back pressed against a wall. The back of your head should also be resting against the wall during the actual test.

Raise your breast gently with one hand just high enough to reveal the crease where your breast joins with the ribcage area.

Place a standard No. 2 pencil in the crease. Do not press it into the flesh, simply allow it to rest against the skin. Very carefully and very slowly lower your breasts until you are no longer supporting it with your hand.

Put you hands at your sides and stand very still. If the pencil falls, or has already fallen from its resting place, your breasts are considered extremely firm, and you are awarded a gold star.

In a slow even movement, raise your arms out to the sides, as if forming a giant T. Hold this position. If the pencil falls now, or falls during the movement, your breasts are considered very firm and you receive a silver star.

Slowly raise your arms over your head and clasp your hands together. If the pencil falls now, or falls during this movements, your breasts are considered firm and you are awarded a bronze star. If the pencil does not fall, your breasts may not be firm enough, or there are other conditions which prevent them from passing this particular test.

Good big boobs and long legs

WOW…………….. I have just been asked to do an interview for The Eerir Digest which has over 40,000 readers

http://www.eeriedigest.com

HMG …………. I have never done an interview before, what happens if I get nervous …you know what I mean girls …….. Getting so just too excited crossing ones legs and hoping you don’t end up biting someone ………. Well it is such a natural reaction like hissing……………. Heck I am a vampire and even I don’t know why we hiss……………. Must be a body function to expel air from the body without having to blame it on the cat

One would think it was just Hollywood ………. but no I’m just the same as any normal girl, take me by surprise and I will pin you to the floor by four sets of claws hissing and about to rip your heart out before I notice you were just bringing me a cup of  mulled blood.  

And do they want photos? ……….. normal everyday ones of me dripping with blood or sexy ones………er…………..I don’t have any sexy ones….. my Aunt would have me de-fanged if I did those sort of photos.

I could send one of my Friend Rechelle now she takes a sexy pic…….see below …………. Good boobs ….. short skirts and long legs ………….. heck life is so not fair I am sure she jumped the boob que and pinched mine as well as hers …………. Good boobs and long legs ! …As I said life is soooooooooo not fair !!!!!

Sex on an Aircraft

We all remember the adds about the wonder bra ……………. When I first saw one it ran away and hid under the counter knowing that with my assets it would have to work far too hard to make any difference………….. But has anyone seen this?

It is called a     ……….. Miracle body-shaper ………and it promises perfect hour-glass figure

Does your tummy look more Christmas pud than pancake flat? You could always invest in Ultimo's latest body-shaping underwear, which claims to increase your chest by two cup sizes - and slim down the waist and stomach.

Described as the world's most advanced underwear.

The V-shape body also features a thong bottom to avoid visible lines and perspex straps for wearing under revealing party dresses.

Has anyone tried one?.............  up two cup sizes? ………. So I can at long last move up from preteen tops and trainer bras!................ok…….. ok ….an exaggeration ………...but over developed I am not ……………. ……..

Well the button thong is a good idea I have worn things that have put me on a waterless diet for fear of ever succeeding in getting a fashionably item off in time before I find out if it is waterproof or not ………….. some washrooms have such tiny cubicles that for the nose you are making getting everything off in a hurry..well ………. it sounds like you are practicing for the mile high club,,,…………..  Mile high club? ……….. Er ……..that’s means having sex on an aircraft over 1 mile high and in the tiny washroom cubicle it can not be fun ………….No I Have Not………Or Plan to!   Before you ask!!!  Just what would happen if you got pregnant?   My maid Bambi was conceived while her parents watched (er….didn’t watch) the Disney film of the same name. Just what would you name the child?  PanAir 747 economy class?  Just think how they would suffer at school.   

Click here........>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm

Breaking in a new bra.

Breaking in a new bra.

A bra should be comfortable the instant you put it on, it is not like a horse you should not need to break it in…………… heck it not that I have that much to go in it!

First time on and I now have a spot where the right strap digs in at the back… and it hurts………. Why the heck get a spot there? …………. Anywhere else on the back would have been fine.

The first person to say hormones, I will bite them! .ok!

Also comments like you need some sunshine will get a similar response:

1. It is January.

2. I am a vampire…………. Sun bathing is not one of our normal activities ………. Ok? …………… stupid…………..

I have said it once I will say it again why the heck doesn’t a girls body come with a manual.

If it was not for Google search I would spend most of my time pinning a doctor to the wall by his dick and snarling ‘ What do you mean mood swings are normal, and What mood swings, I DON’T HAVE MOOD SWINGS!!!!’

Why was the bra designed by a man! A woman would know what it should do better than any man…………… only a man would fit all the controls on the back!

And don’t start me off on invisible straps, it just means clear plastic and red lines as they cut into the flesh.

Buying a bra always reminds me of two girl shopping and as one girl tries on a very expensive bra she asks her friend what she thinks and the friend says it looks perfect for tonight’s party…………..where as the first girl says “Yes but will it make all the men admire me……….. will it attract the man of my dreams …………… will he scope me up in his arm and ask me to marry him?………..will he want me to have his children? …………..”

The friend thinks hard then answers………I  think you are asking a awful lot from a bra ……….. er  ………shall we start with comfort first ……… .how does it feel?.  

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Gifts of Days of the Week Panties

Just because I am a vampire it does not mean I don’t do girl shopping and now with 24hr shopping vampires can join in searching for bargains in the new year sales during the hours of darkness.

Took my maid BAMBI with me as I and still not allowed out un chaperoned,  I have told you about her before she is a turnling ……….ex-human ……….. like shes Undead ok what humans think all vampire are, fangs and boobs……….. never ageing and with a hair style that stays looking perfect even in a force 10 gale…. Makes you sick don’t it............... er well nearly .......... You have the same hairstyle as on the day you died and Bambi ........... well Bambi was gonig to have her hair done the next day.............. er .............too late.......... her picture is below: 

Why called Bambi? …….well she says it was because she was conceived during a Walt Disney film of the same name in a drive in theatre and who am I to question that, if it has to be anywhere then during a drive in Walt Disney film is as good a time and place as any. 

Any way she loves going shopping as it means freedom from the nest for a few hours, plus she like the way I leave my purse on full display on top of the shopping waiting for some guy to snatch it and run off  …………….. it is always so much fun to build up an appetite chasing ones lunch and I let her join in, it is a rush as we cant be seen eating in public so we both spend the rest of the time shopping trying not to burp.

Thinking of things as we shop took my mind to a gift I had recently from my Aunt……. As I was complaining about all my underwear having small pink bats on them she got me a pack of something called Collage Girl Specials…………….. A pack of 5 panties with days of the week on them …………….. Er…………. Why five? ……….what am I to do on Saturday and Sunday!!!  …………….

As to why have days of the week on them………...What is the point? ……….. if I don’t know what day it is I will ask someone and not life up my skirt to check !!!!!!!!!

If the manufactures wanted to be really helpful then they would print numbers and do a pack of 31 as knowing days of the month is far more useful to a girl than knowing days of the week! …………

BAMBI

Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime

And sometime the question is how!

All girls know that when buying a bra it should come with free yoga classes!

Heck first it is the struggle to do them up and then struggle to then get them comfy ……….. all controls being placed at the back …out of sight and sometimes out of reach!

If it was just that then I wouldn’t moan so much …………. But what about zips !!!!

You name the hardest parts of your body to reach and some smart arse designed will place a zip there! 

Look I am a vampire not a monkey ! 12 inches of zip running down your back takes two hands, a flexible spine and a great deal of imagination to find let alone undo.

Males only ever have the maximum of two zips to deal with…………. One placed near where there hands go to scratch and the other under the chin on some tops………. So easy to remember, everything is between chin and dick, and if they still can’t find them they can look in a mirror! ……………… all other zips fitted in Males clothes are just for decoration as no Male will ever use them.

Zips on female trousers can be anywhere, side or even at the back! Ok so you get nice a smooth look at the front but it forces you to sit on a chuck of metal at the back.

Just don’t get me started on sizes or changing rooms I can come out of a changing room take a look in a mirror and still hear by aunts comments from childhood……… It looks lovely dear, it’s the only size they have and I expect you will grow into it !! ……… school kids can be very cruel on a girl trying hard to grow into her clothes.

So to finish off I would just like to say I have just finished putting on my skin tight one piece fighting suit and true it looks very sexy but would like to say to the designer that I am dying to go to the bathroom and I still have not worked out how to get out of it without using a can opener……………. I am now reading the instructions to see if it is water proof !!!!