Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

God loves my blog or I would not have so many hits on it…….. just past 5,000 … weeeeeeeeee

Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to Being a VampireFangs Rule: A Girls Guide to Being a Vampire
Er that’s the way religion works er? ...........you must have faith ..........

Look ....... Trust me I am a Vampire .................


For a change today I will pick on Christians, Rastafarians, Muslins and the female fashion industry …………….


RAPTURE ...................... its ok every one god did not miss you .........it is now set for October ........................


er one nasty thought to come to mind at this point is that it did happen and no one was saved and we are all in hell



.................... ho well look on the bright side I don't now have to worry about how to wash and blow-dry six foot of white wings ................... and Halo polishing would be such a chore …………



To make things fare I should not miss out the Rastafarians or people will say I only pick on the main religions ................ normally black people with platted hair which is never cut


........... look it is just an excuse to smoke drugs and never wash your hair............ I am surprised that the spell checker could even find you !


Did everyone find how to make a Burqa in my last blog useful ? yes if u r really ugly then this is for u if not a guy will take one look at you and turn homosexual and you do not want that on your conscious now do you?


A Burqa is gods way of telling you that you are ugly ................ it is written in the holy books in ball point pen so must be true


And before anyone says about the virtues of wearing a Hijab I have it of very good information (those that wear them) that it make your hair very oily and drop out


........... so another of Gods commands er? ............ I am god and so women should be bald!


Sorry I am only joking about being Ugly to wear a Burqa .........


………….. the way guys are and the reports of them finding sheep so sexually enduring I say don’t worry about your looks just have your burqa made out of black wool and bleat a few times ............and I am sure you will keep you guy more than sexually content ……………… see my blog on Ferries

Monday, May 16, 2011

Amy Mah and the small print in being rewarded in the after life with 100 virgins


Amy Mah and the small print in being rewarded in the after life with 100 virgins

Ok Ok I should own up it is only fair I tell you poor creatures the truth; and that is with these blogs I am studying you.

Yes I am analyzing how you react to them when I point out your strange behavior patterns, which I will analyze and do a report for my lords and masters on the vampire high council.

It is all for a good cause as the Vampire high council like to keep a loving and caring control of such a tasty food supply as humans, and it is so strange that you think of us a monsters when we spend most of the time trying to stop you killing yourself off ……………. Think of it as owning a food shop where the food is suicidal ………… bread rolls throwing themselves under a passing shopping trolly ……. That sort of thing………..You are such hard work at times!    

As a normal young vampire girl I do get some strange comments at times from my readers, which I must warn you are passed to a higher order………….. er………well to my cat Tarqin and my Aunt mostly ……….. but ……….it is all being logged for the high council to read in the future.

Such as:

The Christian Mothers group which informed me that I was the child of the Devil are wrong as I asked my Aunt and she explained how a Mom and Dad that really love each other get married and then they ………….. ick……… well it must have been like only the once as I have no brothers or sisters …………… 

Then the hate mail saying I hate Muslins………… er………….you are just food why should I hate you?   it is like saying you hate chocolate because of the colour wrapper…………. I know being humans you are very slow at times but you must see the films! You are walking snacks !!!

I may point out some of your ideas are a little ….er……..inventive at times but you should not take this as criticism as I do not care that you can look forward to having as many virgins as you like in this life you are still just a snack bag of blood to me…………..

I have it on very good advice that it is quite true that what ever religion you are if you kill yourself as a martyr by blowing up inicent women and children you will be rewarded after death with 100 sex starved virgins to spend your eternal time in paradise with                 

………… er……….. this is all true as I said  …….. but did you read the small print? ……..

The 100 sex staved virgins are all MALE and you will spend eternity as a GIRL tending to their needs  ……hehehehehehe……… have fun………..

If you are looking for a religion I have found someone to help you take a look:


 












 

Saturday, March 26, 2011

God V The Chickens (the vampire explanation)


God V The Chickens (the vampire explanation)

OK you humans are so odd ………….like what has the poor chicken ever done to upset all your Deities of today?      

Well not so much upset as picked upon, you get all sorts of rules on what animals you can not eat as they are either unclean or holy … be it pigs…..cows……..shell fish…….snakes…….things that crawl on their belly ……….and even flies……………ok the fly one did take me by surprise and I got it from a documentary of religion ………

Along with what foot to use going into a toilet ……….. And with my experience of Asian toilets …….Well I rather not use either foot and just cross my legs…………… Look just what god is so bored that he is going to watch what foot I use to enter a toilet? And if he ………yes it is always a he ……… then wants to watch me take a piss !!! there must be rules for the correct way to do that as well ……….then that is one sure way to get himself an unholy reputation.

But back to the poor chicken, it should be born wearing a tee shirt saying EAT ME !!

See the gods pick on it and it is so unfair! ……..Like what has it done to upset the gods so much? …………… Thou shalt not eat swine as they are unclean……….. But chicken is ok and so at the same time please sacrifice one for me with extra BBQ sauce ……… as last time in was a bit tasteless …………..well just tasted a bit like chicken………….. ho yes and do it as a sacrificial take out so I can eat while watching the toilets………………

Well of course you humans all have it wrong ……………we vampires have the true god and we have holy books to prove it !

God loves us so much he ……..yes it is always a he……… like why ?………..

Has given us an ever expanding supply of food, which breeds faster than we can cull it ……………… er…………..yes I did say cull……… we are not the ones destroying the planet by over population.

Now stop complaining to me ……… It’s nothing to do with me …….. It is all written down in the holy book so has to be true ! …..God would not have let it be printed if it was not true …ergo ………. Look I can show you the page !

We are at the top of the food chain so ……….er……………ok along with cockroaches and some types of virus ………but we are the favoured ones not you ……………..  Again just read our holy book and you will soon know your place ……………. 

Just listen to the holy words  ………….. And I will make your food bountiful as you are the chosen ones ………..

See !................ what did I tell you…………..

It is full of stuff like that …………………… mind you not so happy with sections in the holy book like this………….

It is the female’s duty to raise her tail upon a males lawful needs and be submissive when the male wishes to use her body as that is good and holy …………….

Ho well if god says so ……….sigh ……….. What can a female vampire do ?………………

Mind you I do worry about some of the foot notes and think some male could have added them without god’s permission like it does not sound so godly when a footnote says………..

And she shall make appreciative sounds when he uses her body and not complain if he fails to satisfy her or points out to him that 1 min 45 seconds was not worth her raising the tail for,  it is her holy duty and besides he probably had a hard day at the office and nothing at all to do with the hot new secretary he has just turned.

But there you have it ………just a normal holy book.

Ho yes and we are also allowed to eat chicken …….but no tree frogs at a full moon ………….. And yes I have never eaten a tree frog at full moon as I am a good religious little vampire.    

And lastly being a good little vampire girl I could not stop you requesting that I raise my tail to you as is my duty …..but I should point out that if you ask such a thing my Uncle has also read the holy book and says he found a section giving him every right to strip you naked, cover you in honey and then stick your head deep into an ants nest ……………

I’m sorry but I thought I should warn you my uncle is very devout at times.

Click here .................. http://www.fangsrule.com/buy.htm




About my blog .......if anyone wants to know it is all true .......about which foot to use stepping in to a toilet ………....er ………..its the left..........and you must also spit out a fly which goes in the mouth ..... ho yes and it is also sinful for a female to pee standing ........... God only designed male to do that...... huh ......I wish he also designed a male that puts down the toilet seat after using it....................

So does God watch you take a piss .......er..........just to make sure you sit down? .............. and would you really want to worship a god that watches girls take a piss? ....................

How about a god that hangs about toilets seeing what foot you use to go in ? ................ er……………is this just me or is someone making stuff up in the holy books? ...................... God i am a good girl and I sit down to piss and don’t eat flies…....now can I go to heaven?......

Now to as where people read my blogs ……. Yes I can see you ! …………. USA is always East and West Coast ……..a lot in San Francisco …………. So my humour must be democratic …and not republican ………………

Lots in Europe ………hi to my German fans !! 

None in China …….am I blocked? …………………….. but little hot spots all over the Muslim world  ….expats?…………… or am I used as a warning in schools  for males not to listen to females ………………




Thursday, July 3, 2008

Buffet Style Christianity

We all like buffets, right? Especially when your hunger is at its peak! You look over the various choices before you and wonder where you should start! And not wanting to offend any one particular food group, we usually take a little of everything. After our stomachs reach the “Full” line, we back away from the table, loosen our belts and realize that our eyes were much bigger than our stomach! But isn’t that the way life is these days? Don’t we wish that all of our choices were as simple as buffets? Think about it. Even with our faith, we have brought the same consumer mentality into the Church. “I’ll have a little of this, a little of that, but not too much of THAT.” We customize our worship services to resemble a lunch at Luby’s rather than worship of God. And after we’re done, what do we do? We loosen our belts and realize that we took too much of what we didn’t really need and not enough of what we did.

Well, the Greeks had this concept down even better than we do, but they were even more specific. They developed a buffet line for their “gods”. These guys had gods for everything! You name it and you could worship it. They were so afraid of accidentally overlooking and offending a particular god, that they had an alter marker, “TO AN UNKNOWN GOD”. Now that’s covering your bases!

The Apostle Paul is called to preach among the non-Jews of the time, and that inevitably brought him to Athens: the Mecca of Greek philosophy and pagan thought. In Acts17, Paul happens upon a place called The Aeropagus (Mars Hill), which was somewhat of the forum and center of philosophical discussions at the time. He encounters the two most common types of philosophers: the Epicureans and the Stoics. Not only were their beliefs radically different from each other, they held to beliefs in complete opposition form Christianity. The Epicureans thought that since man cannot connect with god at all, there was no reason to seek a moral stance on anything in life. The highest value in life was “pleasure” and the only reason that man exists. The Stoics, on the other hand, were much like the Vulcans from Star Trek. These guys taught that all emotions were to be denied and would only cause conflict with seeking moral discipline and morality. They believed that logic and reason were the greatest good and god was the sum of all that is good: namely logic and reason.

Now, Paul could have easily thumped these guys with the proverbial Bible and slammed them for their pagan beliefs, but this is not what he does. Instead, Paul connects with them on the same philosophical mindset that they had been conditioned to live by. He basically tells these deep thinkers, “Hey, I know you guys are smart and love discussion! I love discussion too! Let’s talk about this incredible concept that I have been radically transformed by! I noticed that you guys are seeking god! That’s awesome! You even have an alter “TO AN UNKNOWN GOD”. Perfect! Because I know who He is! Can I tell you about Him?” Now, some of these philosophers walked away, but the Bible says that many wanted to talk more about Christ. Why? Because Paul grabbed their attention. He met them where they were. He met them where they lived and thought like they thought. He went through their buffet line and showed them where the real nourishment was.

So, when was the last time we took the time to connect with non-believers on their level? Where they are and where they live? After all, we are all seeking “truth” on this journey of life. Some have just gotten off the path a bit. God is still God and wants to connect with everyone on their own specific and customized level.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

3 Hundred Million, a Cosmic Trigger, Donald’s Casino Makes Somewhat Good on a Promotional Offer, but Does He Trump a Man Who Bedded Me 6 Months Ago?

A national milestone, a new age celestial planetary convergence, good gambling customer service-- all loosely and linearly segued into why a personal gripe of mine, about a certain man’s intentionally ignorant post-bedside service, actually, really, really does matter. And YOU think THAT was a mouthful?

Today—

Statisticians magically marked 7:46 a.m. EDT as the welcoming moment for the unknown 300 millionth US resident (born or immigrated-- legal or illegal). Unlike, Bobby Woo, the 200th million on November 20,1967, no one (not even a reality show) is attempting to find out who the lucky # 300,000,000th could be. (What do you want to bet, it’s like most lotteries with a thousand people sharing the winning ticket at the same time?)

Holy karmic synchronicity, today’s date is also all the rage among the tribes.org/new age social network types with something called a Cosmic Trigger Event. An email and many web links are being circulated that Mission 1017, said to last from 10:17 a.m. - 1:17 a.m, (a purported but mis-totalled 17 hours) effecting all 6.55 billion earthlings, believers or not, is peaking at 17:10 p.m. (get the 1s,10s and 17’s theme?) no matter what time zone in the world you’re at. (Time is, of course, an earth-bound perception, but best harmonized for new US resident # 300,005,008 ‘s arrival, give or take.)
Vibrations, good or bad, are apparently intensified a million-fold among all of us, from a non-detectable bluish UV light emanating from universe 2 to our own universe 1. One forum commenter asked: “doesn’t 0 good thoughts (x) 1million=0?” And come to think of it, shouldn’t it be 3-fold in honor of the aforementioned ego-centric US milestone, not to mention in salute of my book? ( As my birthday this year converged with the estimated 6.5 billion people mark, I can’t weasel out of this symbolism, especially with a new age, stone name like crystal…)

This first trigger is supposedly the first of many triggers and events to happen by 2013… the Mayan’s, by the way, ended their calendar at 2012…as every host knows, there are always those revelers that linger along way past the end of the party…

The “Sex Manners DO Matter” Segue

While cosmic triggering and terrestrial demographical power-playing wreak the unknown future, Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki’s new joint treatise, Why We Want You to be Rich, reaches out god-like to evangelize the astute half of us onto the Noah’s Ark of prosperity. The other half of us will be at their mercy, it seems, as the middle-class dissolves into the economically un-disciplined masses. And in true capitalistic charity, Trump previewed this Noblesse Oblige on me. That’s right, he gave me $50 of my own money back just last night, from a poorly executed Free Slot Day promotion a few months back. And that his staff made some-what good, is why the Donald is my winner’s choice for today’s counterpoint to the poor sex etiqutte servicing from a man I had sex with 6 months ago.

Let the comparisons begin:

The Promotions: Gambling Refund vs Post Sex-Bedside Manners

Trump Marina Casino, on a billboard I passed daily, Free Slot Day, August 26
Interpretation—Play Slots, get money back, if you lose
Reality before Playing— Only up to $50 was guaranteed, and only between noon and midnight
The Event— I got there at 11:00 pm, was up $70, decided to play more, since it was guaranteed, then lost it all with my original $50, before the pumpkin turned (hey, I’ve only played slots maybe 4 times in my life)
Reality after Playing— you had to come back to the casino after Sept 5th to get your maximum $50 losses back
Reality, one month later, by mail— oh yeah, you also have to return before October 4th
My gripe— I didn’t get the mail on time, but shouldn’t they have posted all this BEFORE people played the promotion that day, anyway? Not everyone, can just hop on over to Atlantic City each month.
The Resolution— I called them on Oct 16th, got one lame customer service person, who told me “tough patooties, in casino speak. I told him to get me a supervisor, who went to the promotions department, who said they had extended the deadline to the 15th, because of other people’s concerns… see I was not the only one, who saw the unfairness… and they would extend it just to ‘lil ‘ol me for one more day, since I was in town.
The Bonus—the valet let me park for free, when I told him I’d be parked for 5 minutes (yes, I tipped him $2).
Final Cost— 10 minutes time/gas back and forth, plus the $2

VS

A man I knew and really liked, by phone when I called him, sushi dinner, W. Hollywood, April 24
Interpretation— he would pay for dinner (he had much more money than I, and I drove ½ hour/gas cost), maybe we’d have first-time sex afterward, if we mutually agreed, though he had been hesitant the previous time when I had suggested it, and I was not expecting it that night
Reality Before Playing — the shared bottle of wine at his house, would postpone the planned saki outing, as a first kiss and lots of very sensual touch guided our very connected bodies to the bedroom
The Event—He pumped me hard, flailed me around, rocked the bed about 6 inches away from it’s origin. I had fun, but mostly was trying to show him how flexible I was to his creativity, and was disappointed in the lack of tenderness;
Reality After Playing— he knew all along, but failed to inform me beforehand, that he had to stop at 10:00 pm for an international conference call; and had no plans of having me stay; he didn’t even walk me to the car, but he did hug me, and warned me of a bump in the driveway
Reality the Next Day-three Months Later— I got a chafed chin and a misaligned lower back, along with some other personal concerns, which he handled well; I called and emailed him once a month, with little more than courteous response from him
My Gripe— at myself, for demurring, that night. I didn’t let him know I wanted gentler sex while the sex was happening; I didn’t tell him that I wanted to spend the night, when he was implying I needed to leave. My gripe at him—hey, he was 52 years old (a very sexy, young 52, nonetheless) and he controlled the whole night, without letting me know his rules for the night.
The Resolution—I wrote him a funny quirky, good bye card mid-August about his ungentle- manliness after a particularly disappointing phone conversation. He didn’t respond. Then just last week, I decided I needed to press the sex manners question to him. He basically recommended that I should tell men before I have sex that I expected to spend the night. That it was no fault of his to not think about my needs. No apologies. It seemed spontaneity from him meant he called the shots, unless otherwise intervened.
The Bonus— I learned I didn’t like him very much, after all.
Final Cost— my trust and a slightly damaged psyche/heart

So, who was better? A Trump who had an unclear promotion, with many people never getting their money back, except the few like me who complained, OR a man who didn’t think enough of his sexual partner for the night to apologize to her, if he had not been thoughtful to her, when she brought it to his attention that she was hurt?

For my own preferences, sex trumps gambling, anytime. But lucky be a kind love for this lady, and for the rest of the shared humanity of 6.55 billion and growing, way before 2013, me hopes.