Blossom Organics Lubricants for Women

We women need lubricant as we age and our hormones are no longer providing enough natural lubrication for sexual comfort and pleasure. So many different varieties exist now that we're not limited to what our local drugstore offers for "intmate care." In fact, we'd do well to do our shopping in a woman-friendly sexuality shop -- buying online if we're not lucky enough to have such a a store close to home.

"The ingredients found in common drugstore lubricants are the same ingredients found at your local Jiffy Lube!" says Melissa Jochim, creator and formulator of Blossom Organics, a new line of vaginal lubricants and moisturizers using only natural, beneficial ingredients.

She explains, "As a mucous membrane, the vagina is quite absorbent. The ingredients commonly found in intimate care products can have questionable long-term effects on a woman’s health and well-being.These harsh ingredients disrupt the natural vaginal pH. In addition, these ingredients coat the vagina and have a drying effect on our natural moisture."

Blossom Organics uses only naturally pure, female-friendly ingredients. No parabens, petrochemicals, silicones, glycerin, alcohol, hormones, pesticides, or artificial dyes/ flavorings/ fragrances.

OK, let's get to the experience of these lubes. I was most eager to try the Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel. I had tried various so-called arousal or stimulating substances before, with varying success. Most provided a sort of mild, stinging sensation, not unpleasant or painful, but not what I'd call arousing. In any case, the sensation disappeared much too quickly for me to know whether they would hasten or intensify pleasure.

Blossom's arousal gel felt pleasant enough, a mild tingle, not enough to make me squirm or hasten arousal that I could tell. It's nice, I just didn't feel anything special. I tried it several times with my favorite toys -- I don't know whether using it with a partner instead would alter my experience. (I know, it would alter every bit of my experience, but I'm talking about the effects of the gel.) Update May 2011: The effects of this gel intensify with continued use -- I'm definitely getting more of a tingle from it than I did at first!

I really liked the Blossoms Organics Moisturing Lubricant -- slick but not too slick, long lasting, never got tacky. Very nice indeed. The smell was pleasant -- sort of spicy floral. Nothing artificial, just nice, slippery stuff that feels good, smells good, and lets you enjoy your experience, whether with a toy or a human partner. Use a smaller amount than you think you'll need -- a little goes a long way. This was my favorite of the bunch, and I plan to use it regularly.

I also liked the Warming Lubricant, with one caveat: I didn't sense any particular "warming" effects -- it was just a good lubricant. On the other hand, one reviewer at GoodVibes.com complained that it was "way too strong" and irritated her for a day. This surprised me. I know we experience sensations differently, but I'm bewildered that one woman would complain it burned when I didn't even think it felt warming. Maybe someone can explain this to me.

Blossom Organics Moisturizing Lubricant, Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel, and Warming Lubricant are available from Good Vibrations, which also has all sorts of other goodies for your sexual pleasure.

10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty

This blog has welcomed thousands of new readers since I first posted these tips in April 2006, so I'm posting them again for your pleasure. If you'd like a pretty, print-worthy, colorful page of these tips in .pdf format, email me and I'll send them to you.


1. Slo-o-o-w-w down. Yes, it takes longer to warm us up. Fortunately, one of the best things about mid-life and later-life sex is the absence of urgency for our partners, also. They enjoy slow sex as much as we do! Make sex play last hours... or days.

2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, passionately, quickly, slowly, contentedly, hungrily, lightly, sloppily. All kinds of kisses help you bond with your partner, warm up, and enjoy the moment.

3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and your partner's bodies. Jewelry, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever looks good, feels good,

4. Do sexy things together long before you hit the sheets. Dance together. Visit lingerie or sex toy shops. Leave sexy notes in each other's pockets. Give each other little gifts.

5. Do sexy things on your own to get yourself in the mood. Wear sexy lingerie under your everyday clothes. Work out. Swim. Dance. Fantasize. Write in your journal all the sexy things you want to do together. Spend some time humming with your vibrator.

6. Make love during high energy times. Midnight sex after a romantic meal may work for young folks, but we're more likely to feel full, bloated, and ready to sleep. Instead, make sex dates in the morning or afternoon. (Why do you think they call it "afternoon delight"?)

7. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days. Lucky for us that sex toys are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

8. Use a silky lubricant. We don't have the natural moisture we used to, but there are many different lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When your partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play.

9. Enjoy quality snuggle time before, during, and afterwards. Holding each other, feeling the warmth and texture of each other's skin, is one of the sweetest and sexiest parts of making love.
10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, tease each other, rediscover your childhood together. Laughter is bonding, joyful, ageless--and sexy.

(These tips are copyright 2006 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)

Fun is Sexy: Making Love Before Making Love

Fun is sexy. Create ways to incorporate fun into your relationship each day, and your laughter and silliness will relax you and reinforce your bond.

Robert and I had rituals, made-up words, silly secrets, and special games that warmed us with laughter, kept our intimacy strong, and made us feel like we were making love all day long. Silly things, sometimes – like “Panda.”

Robert and I used to exchange a tiny toy panda with paws that clutched tightly, permitting us to attach it to objects. I’d leave Panda attached to Robert's shoelace, on his toothbrush handle, under his pillow, peeking out of his bathrobe pocket, even on top of the coffeepot -- anywhere he’d find it unexpectedly and enjoy the surprise.

He’d do the same for me, leaving it in my key ring bracelet, on my sock, or clutching the edge of a vase of flowers he left in my bathroom. Every so often one of us would find a hiding place that was too good, and the other would go around the house calling, “Where’s Panda?” It was a cute game, so easy to do, and it nurtured the fun in our relationship.

Then when one of us would find Panda astride our favorite vibrator, or holding onto the lubricant nozzle, or on the pillow, little legs up, we’d understand the special invitation!

Lubricants for the fun of friction

I recommend sex educator Corey Silverberg's "Lubricants That Changed the World: Reviews and Recommendations of Personal Lubricants for Sex," an updated look at a selection of modern lubricants formulated specifically for sex play.

As we age, the right lubricant is the difference between pain and pleasure for both partner sex and solo sex. These differ widely by feel (how much slickness, whether it feels natural, for example) and duration (how well it lasts before getting dry or tacky), so it's good to start with information like Corey's.

Your neighborhood drugstore offers just a few of the dozens of brands available, so don't limit yourself. If there's a woman-friendly sex shop near you, plan to hang out and, one at a time, rub a drop of a few different lubes on your hand (no, no fair to try take the tester bottle to the bathroom with you) and see what you like. If taste is important, you can, uh, lick your hand.

If you're not sure what you'd like and there's no convenient place to find out, try buying small samples of a few different types or a sample pack, available from many online sex shops such as Good Vibrations. Enjoy!

"Not only bone dry, but I have shrunk"

My blog posts are occasionally republished with my permission on SuddenlySenior.com and Eldr.com*. I thought you'd be interested in a reader question on Eldr and my response:

Have any women readers had this problem? All sorts of hormonal treatments and creams and oils have failed. I am not only bone dry, but I have shrunk. Just when Viagra has done wonders for my husband, I am unavailable. I want so badly to get back what we used to have and be his partner again. We have tried alternative acts, but it just isn't the same. He seems to feel that affection should lead to sex, so we are losing the intimacy we used to have. There are all kinds of dildos and vibrators for women. Are there any fake receptacles for men that we could use? I could use suggestions and advice. My next step is to ignore my embarrasment and try to ask at a "toy" shop.

Thank you for posting these questions -- I know other women are hungry to know the answers, too.

You related many things you tried to resolve the dryness and shrinking (vaginal atrophy), but you did NOT say whether you consulted your physician. This should be your first step -- get the hormone tests, find out what's going on. If you don't want to go on full-out HRT, you might want to use an estrogen ring which is inserted in the vagina.

You definitely want to use a lubricant -- I advise you to try sample sizes of several types until you find one with the degree of slickness and comfort that enhances your pleasure. My personal favorite is Liquid Silk, available from A Woman's Touch, which is also a fabulous educational resource, and even from Amazon.

My book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, offers a number of self-help strategies for just the kinds of problems you relate, and my new book (in progress!) will offer more.
As for whether there are "fake receptacles for men," yes. They're called "penis sleeves" and you can find a varied selection at Good Vibrations.

I've mentioned two of several woman-friendly sex shops that offer trustworthy educational resources as well as sex toys, lubricants, and other products that solve many of the problems we face at our age. Both Good Vibrations and A Woman's Touch have both brick-and-mortar and online stores staffed with people who know how to advise us (at all ages) and care about our comfort and pleasure. (No sleaze, dark corners, or sticky floors, in case that's what you pictured when you thought "toy shop.")


*October 2009 update: It is with great regret that I have asked ELDR.com to remove all my content. If you've been there lately, you'll see the comments have been overrun by spam. Unfortunately, this high-quality publication and website fell victim to inadequate funding, and although past content remains, the site isn't being maintained. I hope ELDR readers will continue to come here for news and views about sex & aging.

Sex after Menopause: Good Vibrations magazine

I was pleased to be interviewed by The GV Weekly about sex after menopause. Excerpts are reprinted below -- you can view the whole interview here.

Menopause Q&A with Joan Price

Recently The GV Weekly sat down Joan Price, http://www.joanprice.com/, advocate for ageless sexuality and author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, to clear up some of the mysteries surrounding sex and menopause.

1) What are some of the possible effects of menopause on sexuality? What sorts of things can folks expect and what are some ways to respond to them?

Many women experience hot flashes, night sweats, sleep deprivation, and mood swings – which sometimes feel like PMS on steroids! – and who can get in the mood for sex with all that going on? Trust me – it gets better after menopause, once your system calms down and adjusts to hormonal changes. Meanwhile, communicate clearly with your partner and your family, and try to take time for yourself – a “pause” – while you’re going through this emotional and physiological upheaval.

Once the extreme changes have ebbed, the ongoing challenges from diminishing estrogren at menopause and beyond include decreased vaginal lubrication and thinning of the labia and vaginal tissues. These changes can result in painful intercourse, a burning or stinging sensation, or even tearing. In addition, we may take much longer to become aroused and, after arousal, to reach orgasm.

For both of those challenges, it’s crucial to use a good, slippery lubricant. Even if you think you’re wet enough, your natural lubrication has changed – it’s thinner and less protective for your more delicate tissues. So experiment with a slick lube that feels good and doesn’t dry out or get tacky quickly. Personally, I love both Liquid Silk, which feels most like natural lubrication and stays moist through prolonged sex, and Eros, which is very slippery and comfortable.

Never use Vaseline, baby oil, cooking oil, or other greasy stuff you might have on hand. These are difficult to clean out of your vagina and can cause irritation or even infection. Use a lubricant made specifically for sexual comfort and pleasure.

You can buy samples of several different lubricants to find the one(s) that you and your partner prefer. Rather than being embarrassed about needing lubricant, make it part of your sex play by letting your partner apply it gently with caresses.

2) What are some of the relationship changes that people going through menopause might be dealing with? How might they choose to address them?

The hardest part is talking about it. If you feel less sexy, or more self-conscious about your aging body, or frustrated with your changing sexual responses, talk to your partner and plan ways that your new needs can be incorporated into your love play. For example, you may need to communicate that you need longer foreplay, with more whole-body touching before your lover arrives at your hot spots. You may need to change the time of day that you have sex to times that you feel a combination of relaxed and alert – maybe morning, maybe late afternoon.

It’s also helpful to do other physical activities together, such as dancing, hiking, working out or even walking the dog. Being physical together – even when the activity is not specifically sexual – can lead to a enhanced body awareness and closeness. Exercise also increases blood circulation, which – ahem! – sends more blood to your genitals and brain as well as to your muscles! You may find that you feel sexier after exercise, more open to sensual exploration, so make use of it!

Realize that as our biological drive gets less urgent, we may find that leisurely sex is more satisfying than the frantic sex that was so exciting in our youth. Even something as simple as making love in the daytime instead of after dinner (I find I can’t digest and have satisfying sex at the same time!) may make a huge difference.

Juicy is an attitude, I’ve come to realize, based not on the flow of our vaginal secretions but on physical well-being, emotional state, mental attitude, and love of sex. Here’s to post-menopausal zest – and understanding lovers!

Does Your Doctor Talk to You about Older-Age Sexuality?

Have you ever consulted your doctor about your changing sexual responsiveness or about reclaiming your sexuality when you have a medical condition that makes sex more difficult?

What happened when you asked your doctor for advice about sex? How did he or she respond? Did you get the information you needed? And for the benefit of the medical professionals reading this -- how would you have liked your doctor to respond to questions about sex? What advice would you give professionals about how and when to talk to their older patients about their sexuality?

I am planning to write a magazine article about this topic, so please feel free to comment here or email me and let me know if you'd be willing to be interviewed.

As background, I wrote the post that follows in March 2006, and I'd like to revive it now that I have many more readers. I invite your comments.

[post originally dated 3/29/06:]

I've been speaking to groups in the midwest and the San Francisco Bay Area, and corresponding with readers who send me emails. Over and over, this comment comes up: older-age sexuality is a huge gap in the education of medical professionals.

I keep meeting doctors, nurses, therapists, and alternative practitioners who are hungry for information for their patients and clients -- and often for themselves. One woman's eyes got teary when she said, "I've been so lonely wishing I could talk to someone about this."

I've heard from women who have read my book and ask, "Why didn't my doctor ever tell me that I have to 'use it or lose it'?" These are usually older women who are not in relationships right now and didn't realize the importance of internal massage, regular orgasms, and Kegels to keep their vaginas tuned up and healthy, or penetation in the future might be painful. (For more information about what to do, read Vaginal Rejuvenation & Health from A Woman's Touch, a wonderful sexuality resource center which I had the pleasure of visiting in Madison and Milwaukee.)

I'm also talking to many women over sixty who didn't know that lubricants and sex toys can enhance their sexual pleasure -- solo or with a partner -- by heightening arousal and speeding up orgasm. They thought that slow arousal and difficulty reaching orgasm were a part of aging that they had to accept. I'm distressed that many doctors tell women this -- often without running tests to see whether hormone levels or other conditions which may be treated might be affecting sexual response.

I'm not dumping on doctors, just on their training. I've been thrilled by the response of medical professionals to my book. One Santa Rosa, CA gynecologist bought 14 copies of my book for her patients -- and then, after she had given them all away, she bought 10 more!

Several readers have written in about their medical challenges since this post originally appeared. To read more on this topic, check on "medical attitudes towards sex and aging" or "cancer" in the "labels" column to the right, and you'll see other related posts.

Unsafe Sex Toys & Practices

"Sex toys are an awesome gateway to an incredible sex life," says sex educator/author/blogger Violet Blue. "These silly, bizarre little (or big) things can lead to hours of orgasmic exploration, self-discovery, sexual self-reliance and even deeper intimacy between couples (or a hilarious comedy of errors, depending)."

But not all sex toys are safe, says Violet in her article, "Unsafe Sex Products," also available as a podcast. For example, some sex toys labeled "for novelty use only" are made poorly and cheaply, may break easily, and/or may contain chemical materials that you don't want in contact with your delicate parts.

Fortunately, many high-quality sex toy manufacturers and vendors take your pleasure and sexual health seriously. (The woman-friendly sex shops I recommend in Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty care about your health and your pleasure, and are careful to carry quality products.)

I've paraphrased some of Violet's tips here, with her permission, about a few products and practices to avoid:

* Nonoxynol-9: an agent that is supposed to kill HIV/AIDS, but can cause cervical abrasions and strip away rectal lining.

* Numbing lubricants and desensitizing creams such as Anal-Eze: If something you're doing hurts, you want to know it and back off, or injury or infection can occur. "When you can't feel pain, you are getting injured, period," says Violet.

* Sugar/ glycerin: Avoid lubricants with sugar, colorings and flavors in them. Glycerin/glycerol is a sugar. Sugar feeds yeast, causing vaginal irritation. (That also means no whipped cream or chocolate as "dessert" during oral sex -- keep sex and food separate!

* No Back to Front: Never go from anus to vagina with body parts or sex toys. Even if you're squeaky clean from the shower, internal fecal bacteria can transfer. If you like anal stimulation with a sex toy, cover it with a condom.

(Violet Blue is the author and editor of over a dozen books on sex and sexuality, a sex educator who lectures at UC's and community teaching institutions and writes about erotica, pornography, sexual pleasure and health. Her books include Best Women's Erotica 2007, The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys, and Lust: Erotic Fantasies for Women. Caution: if you're not used to in-your-face, graphic sex writing and photos, tread carefully when you visit Violet's blog!)