dropping your panties when on a date

dropping your panties when on a date

For guys on a date should know that a girls panties don’t just fall to the floor on their own ………… er….well yes they can like when they get old and the elastic goes or if you buy the wrong size ……………. No I am talking about the way a guy is thinking of getting the panties off a girl when on a date, and when he says the wrong thing and she may as well be wearing a chastity belt for all the luck he would ever have in getting them off.

To day I will tell you what happened when a guy tried to sex talk with me on Facebook er no I don’t sex talk so it was kinda a one sided convo, I was asking about the political problems in Turkey and the number of sites they were building for Syrian refugees, and he was talking about sucking on my nipples ………IT’S TRUE !!!  I know some guys can add sex to any conversation, yet even I was surprised when asking about the state religion being Sonni he answered with how he was putting his hand up my dress !!!!!!! …….no I am not making this up, he may as well been talking to a blow up doll for all he was caring about my side of a conversation !

I expect others have warned you about Facebook but being just stupid human apes you would not have listened.

At the end of last year I joined Facebook to try and find some people to read my blogs and hopefully buy my books  …………

….. something which I am still waiting to happen, and over the past few months it has become very obvious that facebook is full of very strange people ……………………… look trust me on this I am a vampire!

Never believe who or what they say they are: sex, age or even species.

Not that I am saying all are weird only about 95%, but in the 5% left you still do get lots of nice folks on line like the one named: “The Bone crushing death lord of the third level of hell”   who happens to be a Maths Professor from New Jersey who is happily married with two kids ……………. (Its ok John I have not told them your real name).

Sex talk ? ….ho yes you want to know about the sex talking and how to get a girl to drop her panties ….like me……………. God that is so easy to do ………… a small band of gold on my finger should do the trick in so long as it comes with some nice large diamonds, a brand new blood red sports car, my own bank account with $1 million in it, an unlimited credit card paid for by my hubby, as too getting me to drop my panties he wont know what hit him, looking at other girls?

Hell he will be lucky if he could still walk from the bedroom  ………….  I do believe in marriage for life and so I will insure him in case his life ends suddenly by forgetting my birthday.   

See I have always said I am just a normal loving vampire girl at heart………………………

Back to the sex talking well this guy we will call the BabyTurk ………….. yes it is an odd name well he is Turkish and well he sent me a pic of his dick, and no I did not ask to see it ! 12 lines into a first convo I ever had with him he sent me a pic of his dick!

Well as a girl I did what was normal with such a private thing as a pic of his dick and emailed it to all my girl friends …………….. yes guys this is normal ………….. well it is also the first one I have seen without it wearing a polo necked jumper when excited ……

…….. god do I have to spell it out no foreskin……

… normal dicks look like they are wearing collars or polo necks when excited this one was naked so a Muslim or Jewish dick ……….. I told my friends he must have just copied it from the web and they said in that case why did he copy such a small one to send me, ok her real words were:

Shit that is Small !!!!!  Amy what freaks are you talking to now !!!!!!

I sorry but I am not that experienced and besides I am hardly making a collection of photos of guys dick ……………………..well apart from that one I told you about a few months back ……………hell now he was hung like a horse ……………. No I am not joking !! it still makes my eyes water when I think of it.

My same friend says dicks without a forskin collar do not feel as good …………… less friction? I don’t know why she didn’t say …………. Well I always thought that with girls it is 90% feeling and only 10% friction to be turned on where as with guys it is 90% friction and 10% imagination.

All I can suggest to any guy that has had his dick mutilated is to slip a few elastic bands around it to make it feel normal for the girlfriend.

And as to the wonderful one sides sex talk we were having at one point he says he has seen a girlfriend of mine naked …………….. er? ………… like is that to impress me?

I have in fact seen lots of girls naked and well if this is a chat up line it needs some work doing to it ….

…..er think about it .........I see naked boobs every time take my bra off …………… after about the age of 13 the novelty begins to ware off …………..

This is more on the sort of stuff 14 year old boys say and next he will be wanting me to explain how to undo a bra, which the standard reply is ask your Mom to buy you one and practice, that is what I had to do.

Now if he were to tell me of the guys he has seen naked now that would be more interesting perhaps with pics and info like is it true that guys always stand up close to other guys when taking a piss so they can compare dick size?

Now I know of this guy as he has a bit of a repertation, but we have never talked before and he asked me to add him as a friend ……………. Well he didn’t a female did ………… er……….yes he was pretending to be a girl account, profile pic of girl etc ……..  and no I don’t know why ………….. perhaps it is a guy thing………… but to use the account for sex talking?

But that would mean he could sex talk with other guys? ……..ick………….forget it I do not even wish to think of what sort of convos he would be having with horny guys on line ……….. So any guys out on Facebook planning to do this to get a date just remember on the first date not to wear too short a skirt or you will look cheap, and only let him remove your underwear after an expensive meal.

Well him being a guy my not know the rules.

Now why am I telling you my listening bloggersphere public about this?

Well BabyTurk has been telling everyone for months how sad he was as his wife or girlfriend has just died ….. but during our chat he says it was all a lie she is alive and that he just says that in was to get girls feeling sorry for him ………….. 

Well some guys will go a long way in trying to get a girl to drop her panties, but to say this so he can get them to  to give feeling sorry for you sex ……….well I find it a bit ……….. ick …………. Don’t you?

Some of my friends say I should not tell people about this as he may get upset …………….. well all I can say is if he does not like me warning girls about him I can always publish the full convo we had ………… yes BabyTurk I did make a copy and you should think yourself very lucky I am not blogging it as your comments about how you have been taking advantage of girls on line would make very interesting reading to the girls involved ………………

As to other guys out there it is really not a good idea to brag and tell a blogger your dirty little secrets ……………….

As for the convo just because I am not blogging it for all to see does not mean I will not make it available to the girls you have listed as conquests

Look I am a vampire and not once have I said I was a nice vampire ………………… I don’t do nice …………..

Why as a girl you cant Answer the phone naked with out it being a sex chat line?

A Vampire naked sex chat line……… .yes …nude ….starkers……bare…. unclothed

I was chatting away to a friend on FB today saying that I was naked and just going to take a shower……..yes I do chat in the nude.......... soooooooooo well why not?………….. and no I don’t have a video cam ……pervert!!!!

And I got to thinking ……………. Yes I can do that in the shower ………. It is called multi tasking ………. Now will you stop thinking of my naked body all covered in soap and pay attention ……… ok!

I need to make some money to publicize my book and well why not do a vampire sex line? ……….. Well it would be different …………. Other female vampires give out cards offering bondage and biting services ………….. Yes human males pay to be tied up and bitten ………perverts yes but perverts with money…….. …. So it goes down on the health insurance as special medical needs………..and now don’t you every say anything about me just chatting in the nude……..

So how about it a vampire sex line………..can’t be hard to do as long as you don’t mind the heavy breathing ……….

Er………one ..problem ….er……..like no one has ever told me what a sex line does? …………. Well I am not going to phone one up and ask am I !!!!!

So a customer phones my vampire sex line:

What do I talk about? ………….. er……..yes I am a vampire now please pay an extra 10 dollars per question…………… and as to questions like please touch your boobs for me………. Er……...why ………. Like I have had them since puberty and well the novelty kind of wears off after a few years …………. And unless it is cold they don’t do really do much on their own……………..

OK back to the customer………. What am I wearing ………er………ok another $10 ……………… a pair of very brief very sexy red panties with a little cute bow on the front in pink……………. What else? ……..well they are on special offer at the moment from Wal-Mart at 9.99 a pack of three………a real bargain…….  But you have to wash them separately as the colour comes out …………… and like everything in the wash like comes out pink ……………..

Too much information …er…….sorry ok but I am new ok at this………………..I have a big thick sweat shirt with bats on? ….er..not interested ..ok….. they are pink bats!....still not interested …er………..

Drinks yes ok drinks……..i am drinking ……… and it is in a sexy way ………… the mug ever has a pink bat on it…………… why a mug? …….well it is hot chocolate and it also has a bat on it………..and the bat changes colour depending if the drink is hot or cold……….can't you tell from the way I have a ring of chocolate around my lips ……..er……………yes …….no …….video cam ….sorry.

No video cam ………..Well then you won’t worry about the face mask I have on then will you…………. Er……….it a grey face mask …...well apart from where the chocolate has stained around my lips…..

What’s my body look like you ask?……….er…….well kinda normal …….. You know boobs and such like ….hell didn’t you do biology at school? ………. Don’t you remember the picture in first grade biology……………. No the hairy one was a cartoon of Darwin……………..  well it is similar..er.ish ………hell if you are old enough to phone a sex line you are old enough to just do a google search on a female body without spending $10 asking me!

Ermmmmm?   What ?..........sorry I was not listening ……….well I was just answering an email ……….yes it was important !  …………. If you must know the cat had 4 kittens three black and one ginger ………… no I don’t know how come one was ginger …

………. Good god what the hell do you what me to tell you about the sex life of cats for just £10 a question!

Yes my voice does sound odd  when I shout…..…….well I have a stinking cold………. And well it is now dripping ………….which is your fault as if you had not phoned me I would have gone out and got some tissues……………..

Yes thank you ………….I am sure it will get better soon…………….. I just wish my stomach would………hmg I never going to touch shell fish again …….hell ........two days now and I have only just got off the toilet ……….

Hello ….hello ……………. ?

Now where did he go? ………and he had at least 5 dollars of credit left …..you humans are so odd……………