Glueing a cat to the floor & wiping your bottom with mud
My blog stats tells me that someone found my blog by a search on: .......... should i soak my feet in clove oil?.................. er like how can that find me, i have never soaked my feet in clove oils let alone blogged about it
If cats are so cleaver why did mine just as I have stepped into a nice refreshing bath have to step on the dayglow yellow 8 ft long ant glue trap i had made !!!! the fighting he did to get free meant 5 foot of it attached itself to his body and he left a lot fur behind when he finally Brock free, and the noise he made in trying to get free meant me having to wrap a towel around a dripping body to try and find out who was starting a war in my caves living area ! ......... so I Have discovered that I can glue a cat into place with something that still ants just walk off it .....
Now as you should all know by now I normally have more knowledge on religion, cults and weird beliefs than most people, no mater what stupid religion you have I probably have waisted a lot of my life writing a paper on it..
It is so sad …someone as logical as me has qualifications in make believe ……….. like what job is there for someone that knows should a Shia swallow or spit out a fly which lands in their mouth (the answer is spit out).
Me of all people know in great detail all the major stupid beliefs along with gods and deities over the past 10,000 years ……………which do I follow? Huh why not them all that way I just pick the bits I fancy and I do like the one religion where a virgin girl can piss on the head of a priest ……………… look I don’t know how or why, perhaps he is laying down and he is starring up her dress …………….. I don’t make the rules ,…..just laugh at them.
In my great extended human linked family were must have nearly all religions apart from Judaism, Rastafarian and Scientologists ……………………… hence I know the rules and such crap ………………. Well it is easy I just ask a family member ….we have everything from the happy clappers of middle America to Muslims ……………….
This is why I call people stupid when they say I must hate all the people of one religion or another as I say such bad things about the religion, er….No it’s the stupid religions on their own, the people can be quite nice.
As you may have guessed I dont follow a religion .........unless the gods look hot and have the good manors to say thank you afterwards.
Readers of my blog will remember me saying about the hate mail I get from Muslims saying I hate all Muslims ……………. Er ……..and I answer “well not the ones I am related to, but if I have to start a hate list then you can be on the top OK”
I have read lots of books of gods and if I have to pick a god then Thor is my ideal …he isblond and stupid and with a large weapon ………… sign………… yes that sounds like a god to me.
For fun I put questions on facebook ……………… well everyone should have a hobby and apart from ripping peoples heads off I love to point out why religions are so funny:
This is what I posted on facebook tonight
So here is a question to all you Muslims out there in FB land..........
......Islam as a male religion has rules that say you must wipe your bottom with your left hand .......but being female we would also like to wipe somewhere else and as far as I can find out Muhammad did not know females would want to do this as it does not seam to be in any rules anyone know what the current rules say? ...................................... and do Sunni have the same fly rule as Shia?
The answer in Islam is as follows
Q. . How to perform Istimja after urination? Ans. After passing urine, its drops should be dried with clean mud, then washed with water. ……………………………………………………………………………. In the part of Asia I was born, it’s the hose pipe……..one should hold the hose pipe in ones right hand and wash with your left ………………….Believe me when I say that after the age of 2 I have never ever had the urge to stick mud between my legs !!!!
Ho yes this is the kind of stuff we had on the discussion tonight between me and others ……I have removed names so not to upset people but they were freely placed on my FB public wall:
Jews like Abraham were happy with the one god they had at the time
Christ was a Jew .......had to be as he was born in a Jewish country and you have to be what you are born as ......... that is why Muslims can not stop being Muslims ............... and why as a free thinker it does not make sense as it sounds more like a punishment to force a religion onto a child..................
If you had been born in Israel it would be very likely that you would be Jewish ................ so religion is an accident of birth
but religions such as Islam would not allow the freedom of choice if they did then no one would be Muslim until they were an adult and could decide for themselves and then only having a knowledge of other religions ..................
Allow me to tell you this: Islam was one religion only, after decade, some Muslims were really affected by death of Hussain, for politician reasons...then they branched from sunni which is known Shia (supporters)..... so most of Shia rules are not true and most of them are made up...
Many mullahs in Islam discuss whether or not women have souls. It doesn't say that they do in the Koran. Mohammed had many wives, including one who was only 14 (or even younger) when he was an old man. Women can be stoned to death for adultry, but men never are. Allah u Ahkbar !!!
Look it is not my fault ……blame the education system …………. Here I can a nice sweet lovable Asian Vampire and I have to write papers on current mythology ……….. and then someone moans that I put Islam on the list ………… well it is a belief system the same as the 100s of others that it followed on from………….. no one says anything of having Scientologists on a list of Pseudo religions
……………… Look if you want me to do lists I have to stick something on them
……………… and I did notice no one objected to any list I put Scientologists on………being on list of Cults was ok but then .. I worry even more so when I mistakenly put it as a Religion most likely to take over from Judaism .er………well lots of members in high government and media positions…………. Yes that is now a worry
I study hard to be a nice educated vampire ……which is so hard what with being poor weak female… sob……. (and being super smart and modest … just think what I would say if I was not so modest) waiting to just to be owned by a loving male lord and master (huh .as.if !!!!)
But I do get moans every time I talk on Islam ……I discuss the oddities of most of them in current mythology but perhaps only being a new religion that had to get most of its Holy book for another religion they are a little insecure…… Look the Christians did the same ………… like the whole of the Old Testament but they don’t act all insecure over it ……………..
Someone said to me I am just female and my words are spoken in a vacuum ………. Er yes you guessed it Male and Muslim ………..
Someone should have noticed by now that the more you moan the more I will say …… The above comment was due to me saying that as a non Muslim I am more likely to go to Heaven than Muslims that break Gods commandments ……………
I have guidelines to live my life my but if you have a religion then you have rules and if knowingly you break them just don’t moan to me that you do not like spending your afterlife in HELL ……………
Religions come as a set meal you take all or nothing …………….. and the RULES are the SAME in all three be you ….Muslim …...Christian ….. or Jew ……..
Read the words in the books ……………
If a holy learned person be they Priest or Inman tells you to kill in Gods name then they will go to hell ………….. if you follow his(always a he) advice then you will go to hell ………… Look these are not my words ….read the book yourself!.......and yes I know you can cheery pick things like Smiting ones enemy but this could mean you as a nice strong male God have given you permission to protect your Wife and Children with force if needed……… it is pushing things a bit far to travel 10,000 mile just to kill someone else’s wife and children because you do not like his price of oil.
The same goes for other rules and you Guys should know by now that female discuss everything when together ………..er…………like everything ……….. hehehehehe if you have a pimple on your Dick you can bet the fact will be know throughout the whole female community ………… yes asking your mother to buy some ointment for it is the same as posting it on Youtube……..
So the same goes for adultery ……..the fallen woman in the affair may get killed in some places in the world but can still go to Heaven as she is only weak and was lead astray but as a Guy that’s it you are dammed ……….. its Hell for you as the meaning of a wife is anyone that has willingly laid with a man and born his children.
Mind you the same goes for having carnal knowledge er…that means sex ……..with another mans Ox or Ass or Goat ………. Look if it is his and walking about just don’t do you pervert ! ……………… as to doing with your farm animals ………. Ick…(make that double ick !!) …. It is True and a God given fact that if you do you will go blind and your dick will turn green and drop off ..ok………….. if you don’t believe me ask your Mother …..hehehehehe I dare you !!!!!
Take a look at the blog hall of fame and follow in Twitter:
Being a nice normal Vampire I am still struggling over how to get publicity and suddenly I found out what I need is a FATWA
…………… not that easy what with being a vampire and female ……….. er …………. perhaps it is more of a problem being female ……….. Islam does not comment on vampires.
And females do not count …………. Well I do not have a male guardian ………..so in fact I do not exist ……………… Daddy is dead and having no husband or brother …….i am guardian less…………… hell I can do what I like !!!!!!!!
Wow ………….. riots can be had over drawing pics of Mohammad
…… NOW why did someone not tell me sooner !!!! yee Godssssss what fantastic publicity ……………
Please have a riot over my blog …………… pleasessssssssss ……… pretty pleasessssssss …………..
This is the page that caused people to be killed in the name of Gods prophet………… clearly by people that could not read the holy book which says do not kill………..
So to join in I have asked my Niece to draw me a pic of the Islamic Prophet and here it is ……………….
MOHAMMAD I know we are both female so not that important…………… but this is the likeness my niece drew so it has to be against some rule somewhere for even female to know how to draw ……………………
So lets have some riots ……………. Calls to ban my books …………….. look I can give you the ISBNs so that people know which of my books not to read ……and thousands will buy it to
1. Burn it
2. Read what all the fuss is about
So please try and ban me …………. How about a Fatwa ……….. just tell me how much more I have to poke fun at a religion to have one of my very own Religious judgement against me ………..
In 2001, religious authorities in the United Arab Emirates issued a fatawā indictment against the children's game Pokémon, after thinking that it encouraged gambling, and was based on the theory of evolution, "a Jewish-Darwinist theory, that conflicts with Islamic principles".[1]
Fatwa againstSalman Rushdie
(I will try and find a way to list his book for you to buy)
One of the first well-known fatwas was proclaimed in 1989 by the IranianAyatollahRuhollah Khomeini, against Salman Rushdie‘s novel The Satanic Verses. The argument related to an ostensibly blasphemous statement from an early biography of Prophet Muhammad, regarding incorporating pagan goddesses into Islam’s strongly monotheistic structure. Khomeini died shortly after issuing the fatwa. In 1998 Iran stated that it is no longer pursuing Rushdie’s death; however the decree was again reversed in early 2005 by the present theocrat, AyatollahAli Khamenei.
In 1991, Rushdie's Japanese translator, Hitoshi Igarashi, was stabbed and killed in Tokyo, and his Italian translator was beaten and stabbed in Milan. In 1993, Rushdie's Norwegian publisher William Nygaard was shot and severely injured in an attack outside his house in Oslo. Thirty-seven guests died when their hotel in Sivas, Turkey was burnt down by locals protesting against Aziz Nesin, Rushdie's Turkish translator.
Now this is the publicity I need !!!!!! Ok so I may not be Muslim but I do have lots of knowledge about that Deity ……….. well I am Western-Asian-Chinese …………… a real mouthful er…….. so break it down Chinese by looks but not born in china the same was as not all blacks you see were born in africa……………… Asian due to the fact I was born in Asia……….. Western due to the fact I was brought up in the US and UK after my perants died ……….. So with a horrendous worldwide extended family I have most religions in it somewhere ……….. er..apart from Scientoigists (we are not that mad) or Jews (so we are not out to take over the world)
……..But it does mean I have Muslim relatives so I know all about the difference between Hijabs and Nijabs without the problems of having ones hair fall out due to wearing them ……
And I have also seen what some women that wear the Burqa look like underneath ……… which is why I say that some should still stay covered up even in female company ………I will even add the passage myself to the holy book………. eating too many dates………….huh…..eating too many camels more like it……….
Lots of cartoons of Mohammad …………………..
DETAILS OF THE CARTOONS The Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons controversy began after 12 editorial cartoons, most of which depicted the IslamicprophetMuhammad, were published in the Danish newspaperJyllands-Posten on 30 September 2005. The newspaper announced that this publication was an attempt to contribute to the debate regarding criticism of Islam and self-censorship. Danish Muslim organizations that objected to the depictions responded by holding public protests attempting to raise awareness of Jyllands-Posten's publication. Further examples of the cartoons were soon reprinted in newspapers in more than 50 other countries, further deepening the controversy. This led to Islamic protests across the Muslim world, some of which escalated into violence with instances of firing on crowds of protestors (resulting in a total of more than 100 reported deaths),[1] including setting fire to the Danish Embassies in Syria, Lebanon and Iran, storming European buildings, and burning the Danish, Dutch, Norwegian, French and German flags in Gaza City.[2][3] Various groups, primarily in the Western world, responded by endorsing the Danish policies, including "Buy Danish" campaigns and other displays of support. Danish Prime MinisterAnders Fogh Rasmussen described the controversy as Denmark's worst international crisis since World War II.[4] Critics of the cartoons described them as Islamophobic or racist,[5] and argued that they are blasphemous to people of the Muslim faith, are intended to humiliate a Danish minority, or are a manifestation of ignorance about the history of Western imperialism. Supporters have said that the cartoons illustrated an important issue in a period of Islamic terrorism and that their publication is a legitimate exercise of the right of free speech, explicitly tied to the issue of self-censorship. They claim that Muslims were not targeted in a discriminatory way since unflattering cartoons about other religions (or their leaders) are frequently printed.[6] They question whether some of the riots were spontaneous outpourings as they took place where no spontaneous demonstrations are allowed, and whether the images of Muhammad per se are offensive to Muslims, as thousands of illustrations of Muhammad have appeared in books by and for Muslims.[7]
