Breaking Rules at Our Age

What sexual “rules” have you broken since turning 50, 60, or beyond?

I ask this because I discovered from the interviews and reader stories that you'll read in  Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, many of us make some pretty drastic changes in our lives after age 50. Maybe we get divorced,  discover love, open up our marriage, take a new lover, experiment with kink or multiple partners or virtual sex -- or some combination of these or other alternatives.

The point is that although society sees us as settled into mid-life or old age, we're far from "settled." I think there's something about emerging from menopause that makes us question where we want to be in our lives. Menopause often feels like an upheaval -- I've described it before as "PMS on steroids" -- where everything seems upside down. We don't want to be responsible for remembering the whole family's appointments, for example, and we might not be overly kind when we tell family members to take care of themselves.

After the upheaval settles, we see our lives differently. We realize that it's now or never: it's up to us to invent -- or reinvent -- what we want the rest of our lives to be, and what we have to do to actively go after our dreams.

At the same time, in our sexual world, the old ways may not work any more. We may need different kinds of arousal or even a different type of relationship or a different partner. Major!

I got so many stories from my Naked at Our Age interviewees about alternative sex practices that this topic became a whole chapter: "Off the Beaten Path: Nontraditional Sex Practices and Relationships." People wrote about swinging, polyamory, BDSM, friends with benefits, older women/younger men (20-30 years difference!), phone sex, and more.

I predicted that younger readers would be shocked at what seniors are doing behind closed doors, and I should have guessed that it would shock our own age group, too. I've heard a couple of criticisms that this chapter and the one titled "Hiring Sensuality" (which I won't tell you about -- you have to read that one for yourself, and no, it's not just men hiring sex!) make it sound like I'm endorsing or even pushing people towards alternative lifestyles.

I'm not pushing anyone into anything. I'm showing senior sex -- behaviors and attitudes -- in all its colors and stripes. Personally, I support adults doing with other consenting adults whatever brings them pleasure, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone -- including the partners of those consenting adults. I have "vanilla" tastes myself, but that's beside the point. The book is only partly about me. It's really about you... and you... and you.

So back to my original question: What sexual “rules” have you broken since turning 50, 60, or beyond?  By rules I mean society's rules, the law, unspoken or spoken rules in a relationship, even your own rules. I'd love to see a dialogue start here. Please comment!

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...

Or order from Amazon here. To order from other retailers, please see http://www.joanprice.com/contact.htm

Learn more about Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex here.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex: preview of chapter titles

I'm thrilled to announce that Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex from the fabulous publisher, Seal Press, is officially out on June 1, 2011!

Each chapter is filled with reader stories and questions, with advice from experts. Read the list of experts here, with links to their websites and books.

Take a look at the chapter titles -- and do let me know which chapter(s) you're particularly eager to read:

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex

by Joan Price

Introduction

Foreword by Betty Dodson

Chapter 1. The Old Ways Don’t Do It Anymore!

Chapter 2. Reviving Desire

Chapter 3. Sex Toys: Now More Than Ever

Chapter 4. Together yet Alone: Is This My Marriage?

Chapter 5. Talking about Sex

Chapter 6. Off the Beaten Path: Nontraditional Sex Practices and Relationships

Chapter 7. Surviving Divorce, Breakup, Betrayal 

Chapter 8. Sex with Myself

Chapter 9. Unlearning Our Upbringing: Women’s Stories

Chapter 10. Unlearning Our Upbringing: Men’s Stories

Chapter 11. When Sex Hurts: Vulvar/Vaginal Pain

Chapter 12. Reclaiming Sexuality After Cancer

Chapter 13. Erectile Dysfunction: What Men Don't Say Out Loud

Chapter 14. Erectile Dysfunction:  Women Speak Out

Chapter 15. No Way Back: When Your Partner Has Alzheimer’s Disease

Chapter 16. Death, Grieving . . . and Then What?

Chapter 17. Sensuality for Hire

Chapter 18. DWO: Dating While Old(er)

Chapter 19. Safer Sex—Yes, At Our Age

Chapter 20. Better Now than Than Ever: the Joys of Older-Age Sex

Meet Our Experts

To purchase an autographed copy directly from me, click the PayPal "Buy Now" button below. I'll ship immediately!

You can also order now from Amazon.

If you haven't read my earlier senior sex book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, I hope you will! It celebrates the joys of senior sex--including my spicy love story with Robert! Order an autographed copy from me here:

  Or order from Better Than I Ever Expected on Amazon. It's also available as a Kindle edition.

Senior Sex Activism: a Love Letter to My Readers

On October 6, 2005, I wrote my first blog post:

Welcome to Better Than I Ever Expected!

My book, Better Then I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press), will be out in January 2006. Please see here  for a description of this sassy, sexy book combining my personal story with tips and tales from lusty, sexually seasoned women.

We're proving that our society's view of older women as sexless is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'd like to invite you --whether or not you're a woman over sixty -- to participate in discussions of ageless sexuality. Please choose a first name of your choice and your age to identify yourself, and feel free to post comments and questions regarding this hot and important topic.

To start you out, what makes sex after sixty better than you ever expected, personally?

I'd like your candid views, and I hope you'll express them respectfully so that all women will feel welcome to read and post, and won't feel they've wandered into a sleazy place. Thank you, and welcome to our community!

Joan Price

In the past 5.5 years, so much has happened, personally and professionally. Better Than I Ever Expected and I received much media attention --we still do! -- and I found myself the spokesperson for senior sex. What had started as a mission to normalize the idea of people over 60 enjoying sex and daring to talk out loud about it became a huge groundswell. I thank you for the part you played in this movement.

Thank you for making this blog a center of that movement by reading and commenting, showing other readers that we have a community of seniors and elders -- men as well as women now! -- discussing sex openly and respectfully in a manner that's welcoming even to people who are not used to discussing their sex lives.

Because of you, one book led to the next one: Men said to me, "What about us?" and both men and women said, "Great that you're celebrating senior sex, but I'm having a lousy sex life and here's my problem...." I realized that my next book needed to be aimed at both genders, and needed to address the problems and offer solutions. It also needed to include your stories, because we've never shared our stories in public before.

Our youth-oriented society may still be saying "Ick!" to the idea of people our age getting naked, loving the pleasures our bodies can give us, loving each other (wrinkles and all!) and finding ways to stay sexually vibrant whether we're partnered or not -- but society can't pretend it isn't happening!

Thank you for that. I'm honored that you've chosen to join me in talking out loud about senior sex!

Warmly,

Joan Price

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...

Or order from Amazon here.

As always, I invite your comments!

Betty Dodson at 81: "out loud and sex-proud"

Betty Dodson has influenced my thinking and my sexual self-acceptance for decades. Her 1974 book, Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Self-Love, morphed into Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving. At 69, Betty met a young man of 22 who arrived for a weekend and stayed ten years, inspiring Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex. Her most recent book is her memoir, Betty Dodson: My Sexual Revolution, available as a Kindle edition.

Betty, with sidekick and business partner Carlin Ross, runs a website where she answers sex questions  from readers, posts articles and videos, and displays the famous Genital Art Gallery, which aims to show all of us that we're just perfect the way we are, "a research project where both women and men can share as well as appreciate the vast diversity of our magnificent sex organs."

I am deliriously happy that this icon of candid sexuality wrote the foreword to my new book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex! In it, she talks about how her sexuality changed through the decades, and how, at 81, she's still "out loud and sex-proud."

I have to admit it -- I got shivers when I read the latest email from Betty, where she addressed me as "Sister Warrior." It doesn't get much better than that!


(To be notified when Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is available, please email me and I'll put you on the notification list. I will not spam you, sell or share your information, or in any way abuse your trust.)

Intro to Naked at Our Age read by Joan Price

I recorded excerpts from the Introduction to Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex to share with you what it's about and why I wrote it. Listen by clicking the play button of the music player below:



Learn more about Naked at Our Age here!

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is the title of my new book that will be published by Seal Press a year from now, Spring 2011. If you've been following this blog, you've been reading about Naked at Our Age for a while as I solicited interviews from you and posted information and resources that I didn't want to make you wait for. The subtitle, though, is brand new, just finalized today. I love it -- do you?

Unless you're an author yourself, you have no idea what goes into choosing the title of a book. Many publishers just decide on their own what to title a book, sometimes without even consulting the author until it's a done deal. Seal Press, though, is an author's dream of mutual respect and collaboration, and I love working with them. My earlier book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, was published by Seal, and they were a delight to work with, from start to finish.

We've been batting around subtitle ideas for a while, suggesting, rejecting, and tweaking -- and today we settled on the title that truly describes what's in this book.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is a straightforward guide to the realities of senior sex -- thanks to the stories of more than a hundred seniors and elders (maybe you were one of them!) who candidly described their sex lives and relationshps -- with tips from about 30 experts for overcoming challenges and setbacks. I can't wait to share it with you!

I'm talking as if it's all written and just awaiting publication -- but it's not! I'm still writing it... and I'd better get back to that part of the job now! I just couldn't wait to share my excitement about the title. I'd love to hear your reponses.

Worst First Dates age 50+

My new book, Naked at Our Age, deals with many issues that aren't the least bit funny -- physical and emotional challenges of aging that affect your enjoyment of your sexuality. I don't joke about these issues.

But I think the dating chapter needs (and deserves) some humor. (If not there, where?) If you've dated after age 50, you're the one who can provide it.

Tell me about your worst first date as a single senior. Just a couple of sentences or so, enough to make us shudder and be glad we weren't there. Post here (I'll assume I have permission to use your worst first date anonymously in my book), or email me. Thank you!

Sherry Halperin filled a book with her dating disasters in her hilarious Rescue Me, He's Wearing a Moose Hat: And 40 Other Dates after 50.

I'm also interested in hearing the worst first dates you avoided by not responding to bad matches from online dating profiles and emails -- what did they say that let you know you'd rather sit alone with your cat forever than have even one coffee date with this person?

To get you started, here are a few responses I got from another site where I posted this request and from email:

1. He spent the entire dinner complaining about his ex: "She just wasn't really proactive about furthering the relationship. Women over a certain age should be confident enough to take charge!" He went on and on... about how women in general expected men to take charge of everything, pay for everything, yada, yada, yada.... I stopped answering Mr. Boring and Self-Absorbed's calls after that.

2. I lived in the heart of the gay community in a very gay-friendly city. Mr. Bible Thumper was slightly shocked when he saw two men holding hands walking down the street. "Homosexuality is an abomination against God!" he declared. Well, alrighty then -- glad we cleared that up. Being an agnostic and also the sister of a late in life lesbian, I was so not in the mood for this. I asked him what difference did it make to him? How is it any skin off your nose? "I shouldn't have to be subjected to it." Oh brother. I stopped answering Mr. Bible Thumper's calls after that....

3. This was probably my thirtieth or so date when I started computer dating in my late fifties because I had decided I didn't want to live alone anymore. This guy, who was certainly presentable, and had seemed literate and sane in our email conversations, spent the first thirty minutes of our coffee date describing his medical problems in details (all I remember, mercifully, at this point is that he had had at least two heart bypasses). He told me all his numbers: blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. On and on and on. Finally, he seemed to remember that he's supposed to show an interest in the other person, so he brightly asked: "And what about you? What are YOUR health problems?"

4. He wore slippers...enough said.

Your turn! Come on, share!

Naked At Our Age: an invitation

I'm repeating this invitation because I know I have many new readers now:

What's stopping you from having a satisfying sex life as a senior or elder?

Four years after publication of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, I am working on my new book on senior sex: Naked at Our Age. This book will concentrate on the sexual problems and challenges we face as women and men 50 - 80+ and how to resolve them and enjoy our sexuality throughout our lives.

I invite you to submit your candid questions, problems, and real-life experiences, which will be the focus of Naked at Our Age, with commentary and tips from sex educators, therapists, physicians, couples counselors, and other valuable experts.

The problem with Better Than I Ever Expected, many readers told me, was that it was too upbeat! “My sex life isn’t ‘better than I ever expected,’” many of you wrote me, and here’s why it’s not….” You confided questions and problems and shared intimate details of your obstacles to a satisfying sex life in later life, and you continue to write to me, thank you.

That's why I'm inviting all of you to tell me which problems and issues you hope my new book will address, what experiences you'd like to learn about, and what questions you wish you could ask an expert (I'll find the right expert to answer you). Post a comment below -- instructions here if this is new to you -- or, if you'd like me to follow up with you, email me.

If you'd like a copy of the confidential interview to be a part of this new book, please email me and I'll send it right out.

If you're a sex educator or other expert in some area of senior sex, please email me if you'd like to contribute your helpful tips.

(For those of you who have emailed me questions and not heard from me -- I apologize. It seems that whatever I do to catch up, I'm always 300 emails behind. Thank you for your patience!)

Thank you for joining me in talking out loud about senior sexuality,

Joan

Naked at Our Age Facebook fan page

Do you use Facebook? I just started a Naked at Our Age Facebook fan page. Here's the idea:

As I write Naked at Our Age, I invite you to contribute your questions and viewpoints. My new book about sex & aging will include senior/elder sex stories, questions, problems, solutions. Visit the Naked at Our Age fan page, check "become a fan" and you can post comments and participate in our discussions.

I hope you'll join and speak up! Please tell your other Facebook senior/elder friends.

Grief and Loss in Joan's New Book

I'm working on my new book, Naked at Our Age, and I'm realizing the importance of including grief and loss in this book. Besides the fact that it abruptly changes then halts (temporarily or permanently) our senior sexual expression, loss is a part of love, especially at our age. Unless we're lucky (lucky?) enough to die at the same time, one of us will experience the heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, life-altering loss of the other.

Many people have asked me questions about my grief journey: other seniors and elders who have experienced loss of their beloved recently, counseling students who want to understand the raw truth of what it feels like, and friends and family who want to know how to help. My willingness to talk out loud and on the page about this, I see now, makes me a resource for others.

I never would have imagined that experiencing this grief would have some good come from it, but this is one more experience we have to learn to share. We're really not prepared for the emotional, mental, and physical changes we go through after our beloved dies. We don't know where to find help. Many of us are immobilized and don't ask for help. Our loved ones don't understand why "How are you?" is the wrong question.

So yes, I'll write a chapter or more about this in my new book, sharing my story and others' stories, with tips from grief counselors.

I'd like your help. If you have experienced loss of your beloved, either recently or in the past, and you're willing to be interviewed by email and share your experiences -- what it was like with your loved one, what it was like to lose him or her, and what has helped you reclaim your life and, if pertinent, your sexuality (because that's the theme of this book), would you please email me with "grief story" in your header, and I'll send you some questions.

Thank you.

"Booty call" at 64?

Arlette, age 64, sent me her interview questionnaire for my new book, and I'm puzzling over something. What did we call "booty call" before that term was invented? What would we seniors call it now?

Arlette is single, independent, loves her solitude, and loves sex. She has a partner who feels the same. They have great sex and good conversation, then she goes back to her life and he to his. They're not living together or dating; they're just having uncomplicated, uninhibited, and exuberant sex when they want to.

Arlette writes me that she's living her fantasies -- and I'm delighted for her. I'm just wondering if we have a term to describe the relationship that's a bit more elegant or mature than "booty call"? (She didn't call it that -- I just can't think of what to use instead.)

I know, some of you will tell me that this kind of relationship doesn't warrant an elegant or mature term, but I don't agree. If we don't do exactly what we want at our age, when will we? I'm curious to know what you think.

Seeking Interviews for Joan Price’s New Book

3/3/09 update of 8/6/07 post: As you know if you've been following this blog, I put this book (and everything else) on hold while dealing with Robert's illness and death. I have wonderful personal stories from many generous elders and Boomers willing to share their experiences and attitudes, as well as many helpful tips from experts who want to help me spread solid information. I'm gearing up to return to my work -- it's my mission and it was important to Robert as well. Thank you for your patience and compassion, and I invite more of you to get involved.

Wanted: Women and men over 50, single or partnered, straight or gay, willing to write candidly about your personal experiences and attitudes regarding sex and aging for my new book. I’m seeking your written comments and stories about the trials and challenges as well as the joys of sexuality after 50.

This will be a follow-up to Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty and will include stories from singles and couples, women and men, along with strategies for improving those situations that challenge us as we age. It will be more solution-oriented than Better Than I Ever Expected, dealing with the health and relationship problems in greater depth, with more expert tips. While Better was geared towards women (and those who love them!), this book will represent men and women equally.

Would you or any of your age 50+ friends like to be a part of this book? You will be identified by a first name of your choice and your age. Your true identity will be kept strictly confidential.

Interested? Please contact Joan Price now and I'll email you the questionnaire.

Update: I especially need people over 50 who have personal experiences to share in these areas:

• single seniors (men, women, gay, straight) actively dating and/or having sex or choosing not to date or have sex
• gay men, both single and in committed relationships
• couples who have sought counseling to overcome sex/relationship difficulties
• your story about ED/ illness/ pain interfering with sexual enjoyment and how you resolved it, if you did, and how you feel/felt about it.
• physicians with special interest/expertise in senior sex
• sexuality after major health challenge, such as heart surgery, cancer treatment
• sexually active seniors living in countries other than the United States

I'd also like to receive questions that you hope this book will address, even if you don't wish to participate yourself.


Thank you!

Joan Price
Join us -- we're talking about ageless sexuality at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/

[Photo by Constance Cavallas, published with permission]

Senior Sex: More than Erections

Here's something you don't know from the inner workings of this blog: Advertisers and promoters of erectile drugs and alternatives are always trying to promote their products via comments (usually totally off-topic) on my posts. I reject them so you never have to wonder if they're the answer to your prayers -- they're not. They want your business, pure and simple, and if they really wanted to help a man with ED, they'd talk him into going to his doctor and dianosing the cause of his erectile problems, rather than trying to sell him a product over the Internet.

I love your comments -- they're immensely valuable for my readers -- and I encourage you to post them (if you're not sure how that works, click here for easy, step-by-step directions. Just don't advertise THE solution for ED -- that's between you (or your partner) and your doctor.

Here's an excerpt from the chapter "When You or Your Partner Can't" from Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty on this subject:

According to the spam I receive in my e-mailbox daily, ED is the major concern of men, and an advertiser's dream. I am reminded of this guy joke that a male friend used to tell me:

Q: "What's the difference between fear and panic?"
A: "Fear is the first time you can't get it up twice. Panic is the second time you can't get it up once."

According to a 1994 study, sixty-seven percent of the men surveyed at age seventy experienced mild-to-severe ED. A partner's ED is an important challenge for some of women I interviewed, and I am grateful for their candor about sharing this intimate part of their lives. Many have found that sex can be satisfying when both partners communicate and seek creative and loving solutions, whatever the penis is or is not able to do...

Erectile dysfunction, not to minimize its importance, is only part of the picture. The sexual challenges of aging bodies go beyond penis problems.

The fact is that both partners may have health problems to deal with that affect sex. Arthritis, osteoporosis, heart disease, cancer--all of these impact our sex lives as well as our daily living. These and many other health problems require relationship adjustments including an extra dose of understanding from our partners. While health problems are certainly not the exclusive domain of genarians in the upper ranges, they occur with more frequency in older adults.

It's ironic, isn't it? We're at the prime time of life to enjoy sex. We know ourselves and our partners, the kids are long gone, we have more leisure time, we're less driven, our partners have learned how to satisfy us. What a cruel twist of fate that this is the time our bodies start acting up -- or down....

In the new book I'm working on -- I'm still welcoming your stories -- I'll have specific tips from medical experts and sex therapists about enjoying a satisfying sex life while living with ED (and other health challenges).*

*As you know if you've been following this blog, I put this book (and everything else) on hold while dealing with Robert's illness and death. I'll return to it soon -- it's my work and it was important to Robert as well.

Sexual adventurer, age 58, has "every time/ everyone" condom rule

Many thanks to the people who are responding to my request for interviews for my next book! I am getting such interesting stories! For example...

When I asked Tinggi, age 58, how active his sex life was, he said, “Depends on what you mean by ‘sex’!” His erotic activity includes self-pleasuring to orgasm one to three times a day, and intercourse with one to three or more partners (male and female) per week, one to two orgasms per partner. “I tend to have several partners at the same time," says Tinggi. "I’ve been with two of my partners for five years, another for two years. All of the relationships are open and all my partners regularly have sex with others.” His sexual adventures in the past few years have included multiple partner scenes at sex parties, masturbating for four hours while riding an anal plug while being videocast globally, and nude theater performances.

Tinggi is diligent about practicing safer sex, and has not indulged in partner sex without a condom in 30 years. “My barrier policy is standard, long fixed, and known by all who have shared erotic times with me: Barriers are always used, for everyone, every time, for any genital contact,” he explained in a comment on my blog. “This ‘every time/everyone’ policy makes life simpler -- no need for elaborate calculations as to number of partners, who they were, days since last std check-up, partners since our last date, etc. When sex is likely, or probably, or possible, or even a wisp of my imagination, I bring my own supply of barriers. Should the opportunity arise, and both having shed clothes, I simply say, ‘Ok, now time to get Charles (not my name) dressed,’ and put on a condom."

When dates insist on sex without a barrier, which rarely happens, “the date becomes a chaste one and a last one.” Steady dates, people with whom he has sex repeatedly, get the same treatment each date: "every time/everyone."

“I do not ask my dates about STD check-ups, partners, etc. I am going to use barriers regardless of my date's answers. People can have an STD of which they show no signs detectable outside of a laboratory. I believe this ‘every time/everyone’ policy protects my dates, myself, and my community. A sad fact is that HIV is being transmitted in our retirement homes - by their residents. It is already there waiting for me. Barrier use can be eroticized to become a fun and arousing part of sexual interaction.”

Bill B: 59-yr-old Guy's Viewpoint

I just received an email from Bill B., age 59, who brings up so many provocative topics and expressed so skillfully that I'm giving Bill his own post here:

Hi, Joan, I just became aware of your book about sex over 60 featuring the feminine perspective and look forward to reading it. In response to some of your questions, as a guy, I think we generally like things presented in a "Problem: Solution" format. For example; a chapter titled 'Rise & Shine' might present the various forms of ED, and then some of the available answers for each 'challenge'.

While I'm currently most interested in keeping my long term relationship viable and fun, I would like to know how I might have to deal with forming new relationships after becoming a 'sudden single'. I hope there'd be room and topic enough for both sides of relationship issues.

I would like to read men's perspectives on the issues, both from a what didn't work, to what did and, when possible, why. Possibly a survey of some sort, answered by both men and women might provide some supportive insight to the specific cases or examples you would cite. Maybe it would present something like:

"John's gruff attempts at intimacy made him feel like something else had been lost to aging; he couldn't remember the way to a woman's heart, so he quit trying because he would just fail again. Marcy is married to a man like John, and feels ... about it. Our Survey shows xx% of men say that they share these feelings and have found that ... helps fix the problem. yy% of women responding to Marcy's situation say ... Clinical remedies suggest that ... is usually effective in cases like this because ..."

I would also like a woman's perspective on the things I feel and experience. Sometimes a spouse can be too supportive, when a firm dose of reality might be better in the long run (maybe that's another 'guy' thing).

I like all the topics you suggest. Most guys in my age group were pretty heavilly 'John Wayne-ized' as kids, i.e.: emotions are for women and non-men. I think a chapter or section titled something like "I wonder if other guys ... ?" that dealt with subjects guys don't usually discuss could be worthwhile. I grew up in a single mother household and didn't get to see the daily life of a man. I'm far from alone in that. We've had to make it up, or copy it, from whereever we could.

Another thought occurs to me; If you want to lose a little title symmetry with your other book, you might call it "Sex after 60 for men: A user's guide" -- Muy Macho! I suspect that might cost you quite a few readers, because I think more women are still going to buy this book than men. After all; we're men, and don't need to stop for directions for anything (a feeling too true for too many guys).

Most of the sex manuals I've bought in the past were intended for my wife; I might browse some, pause at the art, and then put it somewhere she'd have to almost stumble over in hopes she'd read it and become my dreamt of 'whore in the bedroom' without my having to actually deal with anything. Of course it didn't work, so my fix was to stop buying those silly manuals -- they clearly weren't worth much! I wonder if any of the publishing companies have buyer stats on their various sex manuals, and if they'd share them?

You have my permission to post any or all of this email with my signed name. I'm clearly no author; these are just some ramblings that occurred to me as/after I read your request for thoughts. I'm 59, Male, Married, Cauc, Some College, retired from USAF, retired from a computer consultancy, and have way too much time to annoy others.

Best of luck with your project,
Bill B.

What good timing, Bill, because I'm drafting my new book proposal this month. You've reinforced my ideas and given me some new ones. Readers like you, who get genuinely involved in speaking out about senior sexuality, let me know that I'm not on this mission alone!

Readers: Please comment. Men, do you agree that you'd be interested in the book Bill describes? Any additional ideas? Women, do you agree that you buy the books about sex, even (especially?) those for and about men?

Thanks, everyone!

-- Joan

Guy Talk about Sex after Sixty

Since Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty came out, I have been speaking to groups around the US and Canada, and one question keeps coming up from the men: Where is the book about sex after sixty for us? Although many men have read and enjoyed Better Than I Ever Expected -- and tell me they have learned a lot from it! -- it was written primarily for women and about women.

I'm listening, guys! You want a book that addresses your concerns, too, and includes men's experiences told by men.

I'm thinking about my next book now, and I'd like to know what you'd want to read: a book just about men and sex after midlife, or would you want a balance of men and women speaking out about their attitudes and experiences? Would you be more interested in the special challenges of dating after 50 or 60, or keeping a long-term relationship sexy, or both?

Women, would you like to hear guy talk about sex after sixty? Would you read a book aimed at men to know your man better?

Men and women, would you be interested in reading about couples who have kept their sex lives spicy and satisfying long-term?

What specific questions or topics would you hope to read?

I'm brainstorming my next book, and I await your input! Either click "comment" below or email me if you prefer. I look forward to hearing from you!